Keep them coming Menucha Vsimcha!
I feel like the next time you come to your thread and see all this talk about your post you may feel bad and have second thoughts about continuing...
Just saying I personally really look forward to reading all the next chapters. 

Thank you!
HappyYid

Deleted

Hi all!

Thanks everyone for reading and for showing so much interest in the story (לטב ולמוטב!) 

Regarding the shaila at stake, I can’t see a te’eles in asking on the story thread if others find it triggering, as that’s more like a question it it’s own, meaning the questioner wants to know if others feel the same as him and lichora he should ask that in his own thread...
if the intent was that I should take something out then that would a pm request as there’s probably no to’eles in discussing that publicly ( thanks lion king, will edit bl”n). 
I’d personably find it very hard to believe that someone would break his clean streak from reading such a post, and that only someone who’s coming here just to read up (like I myself did over the years) and not dealing with recovery or with his clean streak or with forum posting, would find the explicitness triggering. As grant and markz said, explicitness and triggering are not the same. But that’s just my own thoughts. Additionally I’d be curious to know, those that said it is triggering, what did it trigger you to do (obviously feel free not to answer, I’m just trying to clarify a point as did you really mean it’s triggering or did you just mean it’s more explicit than you’d expect). 

i have a tzad to move this story to the Baal habatim forum, as anyways it’ll probably be easier there if I get up to the recent married years. My sincerest apologies to yeshiva guy or shtark and emotional   

either way I appreciate what someone mentioned about the open conversation my father had with me and I’d like to clarify something Before I begin part 2.

(Agav, I forgot to write That after the whole convo he lovingly told me that If I still have questions, Mommy is more then happy to talk about it as well, who may be able to explain and answer better).

When I was preparing writing part 2 about mesivta years, I realised I never felt that I was the only one doing this, on the contrary, I was convinced that all are dealing with the same, and therefore never felt depressed about it. I attribute this fully to my fathers open conversation with me.  What I meant by ‘lonely’ struggle ( which I would edit now and take that word out), I meant that I wouldn’t open up to a rebbi and no rebbi would ask about it, which they definitely should, but I don’t think I felt crazy or weird. (Actually maybe one of the reasons it took me so long to finally work on this woth all I’ve got is probably because I never felt too too crazy about it..  )

When Ive had the opportunity to teach or tutor some Bochrim, if I see the boy is having a hard time, we always get into the conversation eventually, and they seem so happy someone agrees to talk

Thank you for your kind words and thoughtfulness. I personally didn't find it triggering or it causing me to do anything. I just felt it might border on being too explicit and sent you the PM before this whole discussion started because I was worried about this happening, about other people finding it leading them to think too much about it. 

Over the years I haven't encountered a post that was too triggering (well except once when the discussion was so heated, I got all anxious and upset about the poster, and negative feelings are a huge trigger for me). 

Keep on sharing  

Just throwing my own 2 cents in here.

I think I've seen a change on the board from a few years ago when it was about chizuk to now, where it's explicit. Not good. Not bad. Just what I've seen. I looked back at my very first post ( a few years ago) and I actually wrote that I was trying to keep it clean because having been watching the site for a while, I saw that this was the way to do it. Things change. Websites evolve. 

Chevra,

The "triggering conversation" is stale and leads us off course.

Politicians spend entire election cycles discussing how their opponents campaigned corruptly....and the issues are completely overlooked. Let's avoid that pitfall and address the issues at hand (e.g., provide chizuk to our peers via PM and phone calls, etc.) rather than endlessly agonize whether the process was executed exactly on par with our standards. 

Fact remains that we all have done some pretty awful stuff, so a trigger here and there is a small price to pay. More importantly, we have endless options of posts that are not personally triggering.

MNVS is a sincere guy who has endured tremendous suffering; let's give him the pass that he deserves.

​IMG

I love it how all the people who keep insisting that these stories are appropriate and helpful keep pushing back and constantly knock those who disagree. Many people on this forum think it's ridiculous and irresponsible to allow such stories to be posted on this site. We are not taking away from the experience of the author but simply have an opinion that posting such stories that have gone up on this site over the past few months, some only in the baal habatim forum, are inappropriate and counter productive for some. And no I'm not getting all excited and ending up in a situation I'll regret after reading about the sad tale of a young child. I'm just saying that when experiences are written in a detailed story format it can do more harm than good. A person can write about their experiences in a clear way without taking the reader into the actual experience itself, as a story can easily do. Whether you agree or disagree there's no reason why some people should write that these stories are all good and dandy and that anyone who thinks otherwise should just leave this site etc. All opinions on both sides of the fence should continue to be heard and people shouldn't feel so threatened about some of us disagreeing with their opinions.

R' Yehuda,

I truly respect your opinion.

My deepest apologies if you perceived my post as condescending or dismissive. Please forgive me for being too harsh.

With brotherhood from Grodno ~ IMG

Yehuda B wrote on 17 Mar 2021 15:42:

Yehudah. I understand where you are coming from. The worry though is, just as cancel culture in the real world has stunted conversation, the worry is the same will happen here. If everytime someone posts something some people hop on and say it's triggering, it can stunt people from sharing and posting.

Can posts be written cleaner, should they? Maybe. I obviously have a opinion and so do you. Where is the truth? I dont know. I tend to agree with LK assertion in this case.

Would a possible resolution be something that used to be common place around here. People would give fair warning that the upcoming post may be triggering? Would that work?

I guess if this forum would have clear cut rules about how people should go about voicing their concerns about certain threads it would solve the issue

Yehuda B wrote on 18 Mar 2021 01:17:

Good idea. Can we get The.Gaurd to weigh in?

Just for the record, my personal policy is that there is no policy; the less rules, the better. Let people live; let them express their thoughts. Of course, people should be civil and talk with respect (and perhaps I have not lived up to that always, and for that I apologize), but people should be able to voice their opinions and concerns - to criticize and defend. What happens when there is a majority one way, and one or two are in the minority? That is a problem, for the one or two might be too squeamish to speak up, but again, if done civilly, it opens the door.

Regardin' language, one should not be vulgar, nor should he be crude or crass; bein' explicit can be problematic, and is not for everyone. There is a tight balancin' act there.

What is triggerin'? Good question. I'll tell you what triggers me. Some tzaddik below was talkin' about intimacy, and he quoted a Rav that "Sex does not start in the bedroom; it begins in the kitchen." That triggered me.

cordnoy wrote on 18 Mar 2021 02:40:

He probably should have said something like the dishes or garbage instead of the kitchen... Poor choice of words  . Unless he meant it, then poor choice of a Rav. Very funny.

Oy R' Cordnoy!

​I ממש was בכלל not triggered by the aforementioned "kitchen post" until you were מעורר that it is indeed and truly a major trigger...so in essence, your highly insensitive post created a טריגר למפרע of the initial post.

(Alright, I'm just kiddin' - but I'm sure that the עולם gets the point; i.e., Let's not become a bunch of whining liberals / 'twould be nice if everyone would take some personal acharyus, etc.)

Bein' mean in Grodno ~ IMG

Am I the only one still dying to know what's gonna happen with our friend Yankele?