Is there a project that you can take upon yourself to do that you would enjoy doing when you're bored? 
Apart from learning I mean, something like painting a room or sorting out the garage, maybe even building a model of the beis hamikdash, just something to turn to when you are home? 

And I'll repeat what I say to myself every day 'YeshivaGuy is the tzaddik that we all wish to be. He is the person to learn from. Work hard Starting and you'll also get there'

starting wrote on 19 Mar 2021 06:38:

Thanks for this important point.
Im very into genealogy, but requires going on the internet...
Not sure about another hobby, though maybe I’ll find a way to do the genealogy...

YeshivaGuy wrote on 19 Mar 2021 10:01:

I can relate genealogy completly overtakes me when I'm in the mood. Try researching the towns where these people came from, you can even visit them on Google maps, some towns have Jewish landmarks like shuls and cemeteries, as well as standing tomb stones, it really can give you the feel of going back in time.

And here I thought I was the "European-town-nostalgic-geek"....yet happy to see that others are plagued with this condition as well!

​Gaining a deep understanding of our roots - especially the glory of the Yeshivos during the interwar period - has been a game changer for me.

And of course, the face of the original (and true!) Ish MiGrodno graces all 4 sides of my office at work...so my spiritual role model is "there for me" while I make many of my daily decisions.

YeshivaGuy Shlita,you are very much walking the streets of the heilige towns of Mir and Telshe without even setting foot in them!

​איש מגרודנא

Tons of taiva, it’s just “too easy” to nichshal here. It’s insane.
Ill go out for a drive to try calming down, I gotta make it through this motzei Shabbos.
Trying to be smart and not put myself in difficult situations.

Will keep y’all posted

I could imagine it's so hard...
But keep strong please!

Waiting for the post tomorrow that it went well.

HappyYid

Put yourself in tomorrow's shoes.

Grant400 wrote on 21 Mar 2021 02:05:

Good call, plans fell through for tonight, we’ll see what I do.
My little brother wants me to play video games with him but I just gotta get out.
I need to keep in mind that this emotion must be dealt with in a healthy and not destructive manner

Went on a good hike with my friend today.
Yes, I looked at every pretty girl that passesd us.
We also had a siyum by a family friend and I looked at each girl.....

Besides all that, it was a decent day.
I didn’t have such appropriate conversations with this friend of mine, like somehow we talked about female features we like...
Not good...

Now I’m in bed and I’m super down to masterbate or, since everyone’s sleeping, to go downstairs and watch YouTube.
But instead I’m posting here.

Im tired and am upset at how I look because due to health issues I gained a lot of weight and I look totally different, and it’s very embarrassing. Like I prefer not being seen...

Anyway, going back to the doctor again on chol hamoed. I hope Hashem will have rachmanus on me, as it’s been quite embarrassing watching people shock when they see me...

YeshivaGuy

Feeling sad, depressed, apathetic, and worthless.
It would be so nice to numb the pain, to feel the blood rush through my veins.
Finnaly, for a smile to grace my face..
I know it’s wrong to misdirect my emotions with destructive behavior.
I know...

 I was in Lakewood today, and seeing the couples, husbands and wife’s together with children, Oy it must be so incredible to have such a relationship.
The pretty girls there weren’t as much the problem, it’s the light in their eyes, I saw a young woman so happy with her baby. That emotion, was so touching, something I very much desire...

Oh, I will give my wife bezras Hashem all of my Self. Every fiber of my being will be dedicated for her happiness and fulfillment.
That is what I want, to give myself 100% to someone. It’s a seemingly odd emotion to have, but after learning kuntrus hachesed, I’m able to identify it.

Im not yet ready though, I need to grow more in learning and in my emotional/spycological health.
And these emotions, coupled with sadness, leads me to taiva... 
I crave hiskashrus. To look into her eyes and say “I love you.” 

And somehow this positive emotion leads me to desire porn or Masterbating. I understood the correlation, but it’s hard.
Feeling so overwhelmed, overcome with emotions raging through me....

Chizuk for/in what?

You articulated so well many of the feelings I have, even as someone married for many years, happily b"h, with the very blessings you describe, but still have that deep longing. I would not project that onto you, as you are single, however there is something to think about there if these longings are a product of something else going on in our psyche, and not necessarily the dearth of these actual relationships. Food for thought.

mggsbms wrote on 22 Mar 2021 23:36:

It’s hard to know, especially since I’m single, and then everyone explains these emotions as the natural desire for marrige.
And I do beleive that, very much.
But you raise an important point.
Some pshatim could be: The unsatiable desire of the neshama for kirvas HaShem. In which case, lechora, better learning/davening would help.
And יש לדון if we’re such baalei madreiga that we’re in touch with the תשוקה of the neshama. Or if we’re depriving our Nefesh of Ruchnius so it’s starving...
It could also come from a lack of appreciating what one has and always feels lacking. Rav Dessler discusses a similar concept in kuntres hachesed, about the ״כח המשיחה״.

YeshivaGuy wrote on 22 Mar 2021 23:18:

Oy YG, I am with you. I have so many of the same feelings. It's normal, we'll get there too. I was away for Shabbos and felt the same way when I saw all the couples strolling about, not lust, just a longing to be there too.
HUG!

Why? I pass unfiltered computers everyday here. It’s so hard. I know it’s possible but gosh, this just ain’t fun.
Why? Why am I being moser nefesh? Why am I depriving myself of such joy, the blood running through my veins, heart pumping. It’s invigorating.
Im resuming working out in the morning, but idk, it’s so so hard, and I’m thinking like wats the point, I don’t know if I have the strength...
It feels, l’havdil, like eishes potiphar is seeking to seduce me everyday, and I don’t know what to tell u guys but, I’m just not Yosef HaTzadik...

It’s not fair. Ok? It’s not fair.
Does it need to be?
Not sure.

Gn