Your desperate subconscious will at this stage trigger you with anything and everything. It will not be like this for life. You will iyh not be overwhelmed. Right now, if it can't get pornography, it will try to get whatever else is available...  

Hashem made women attractive in order that we should be excited about getting married and having children. If not for that, we would never engage in what rationally speaking appears as a disgusting act. However as mentioned there is a world of a difference between attractive and triggering. 

In summary, be patient. Keep going, and iyh you will get past these highly arousing moments. Hatzlocha.

Hey guys,
B’ezras HaShem I’m driving to Yeshiva tomorrow morning.
12 days clean stuck in the RV.
17 days clean days at home.
Despite unfiltered Internet readily available.

And Baruch HaShem I was matzliach.
46 days clean from even touching my “ever” for any hana’ah.

I never thought I’d make it this far.
I never imagined a life without masterbating and watching bad vids on YouTube etc.
And was only able to do it with all of your support.
Thank you, from the depths of my heart.

Our journey now returns us to the Bais HaMedrash.
Thoughts invade my mind saying that I haven’t been learning so much/davening well the last few weeks, so can’t shteig in Yeshiva...

But no.
I shall succeed.
May my accomplishments in this inyan catapult me to shteig in Yeshiva.
And may the Bais HaMedrash accept me once more.

I’ll keep posting, bezras Hashem, though likely less often. 

The journey continues to “Make it to Yeshiva” not just in חיצוניות but in פנימיות.

Thank you all so so much,

YeshivaGuy

I just want to say Mazel Tov ! And Thank you!

Reading  your thread inspired me and is a Kiddush Hashem ( Not to mention a great read with drama and cliffhangers all around)
The fact that you were able to stay pure despite the ripe conditions for giving in , should give chizuk to everyone that it’s possible in this area.
And I don’t think you should think too much into how much you davened and learned - overall you were working on yourself and shtieging as a Ben Torah , and now that you will be in Yeshiva you will be able to focus more on that  especially since you have elevated kedushah.

Hatzlacha !

Amazing! I've been rooting for you this whole time. All Yiden are limbs of the same body.  When a yid has an aliyah, it has a positive affect on all of klal Yisrael. When a yid has a yerida c'v', we get affected as well. So thank you for being mechazek my neshama. I want to offer one suggestion: maybe start to turn to Hashem more, if youre not already. There may be a time where you can't post or get chizuk from us, then what? You may think that it's the group that's been keeping you sober, but really it's been Hashem, disguising himself as this group. So keep posting, but start to recognize that He's the true source of your chizuk and the one keeping you sober. We love you and want the best for you!

Mazel Tov. There are no words to express our thanks.

You write the idea here is to make it to yeshiva. And hopefully one day, yeshiva will make it to you. I give you a beracha from the depths of my heart, that this will be so. And you will survive in the decedent, immoral society we live in, by always having Hashem by your side.

I'm hopefully going to yeshiva soon too, and I won't have access to anything, even this site. But I have no doubt when I return, I will find a stream of countless beautiful messages, from a boy who has done the unthinkable, and conquered himself.

I used to think the username 'yeshivaguy' was generic. But you, my friend, are truly one of a kind. And your goal  is one that is few and far between nowadays. There are probably not more than 100,000 bachurim in yeshiva across the globe. That's 1 in 70,000 of the worlds population. So if you ever doubt how much you are learning, how much you are growing, remember you have a whole football stadium of people relying on you, cheering you on. Envision it. A whole stadium, screamiing and waving banners. You were chosen out of all of them. Hashem wants you.

Its not just GYE that needs you. Its gans clal yisroel. The responsibility that comes with this opportunity is enormous. But so is your potential. And none of us here have any doubt that you'll smash it.

Keep it up. All the best in yeshva. Keep on shteiging.

YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Oct 2020 05:27:

Wow
I'm smiling at my phone reading this. I'm so happy to hear!

YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Oct 2020 05:27:

Yeshiva guy! What an accomplishment! You're a true leader among men! May your amazing growth this past bein hazmanim reflect the direction your life will take forever.

One point: You write that since you haven't been learning or davening according to the standards of the  ben torah you proudly are, you are concerned that maybe you won't be able to shteig properly.

Just a thought. I hope this comes out properly. I felt throughout my life (and unfortunately still do) the same as you. If I didn't learn enough or if my davening left too much to be desired - I was a failure. A bad jew. A disappointment. I mean, in yeshiva fron rabbeim, or from many of our parents all we hear is "learn, learn, learn! " practically very shmuz is focused on Torah, on hasmadah, on proper tefilah.

In our minds this is the end all. If we don't learn according to the extremely high standards we (or others) set for ourselves (although rightfully so) then we are terrible failures and fraudsters. We aren't worthy, we may as well act out. We are constantly beating ourselves up for falling short of our lofty goals and being unachievers.

Of course these are the proper and only goals we should be living with, that's why we were created! Of course we must make this the main and only focus in our lives. There is a chiyuv to daven with kavanah and learn all the time!

But...


Let's take a step back. We are good Jews! We keep halacha with love. Hashem is on our minds almost every second, between davening, berachos and mitzvos. Our manner of speech and our expressions all pay tribute to the one above, b"h, iy"h, God willing. We value and cherish every mitzvah in the Torah! (even if we don't always feel it). We try to speak like yidden. We give tzedaka, eat strictly kosher. Our every breath is sustaining the life of a yid serving his creator.

Do I sound like I am describing a failure? Someone to be ashamed of? A person who should feel undeserving of shteiging? Damaged goods? Absolutely not! This person is great. An eved hashem.

Does this mean we should be complacent in our Yiddishkeit? Never. We must always strive for more, for perfection. More torah, better tefilah and a greater appreciation of Hashem and his mitzvos. Never settling and always, always improving.

But these must be goals, not obstacles. They should be blueprints for achievement, but definitely not a list of our shortcomings. Not accomplishing our goals to shteig more (I don't mean not to sin) means we didn't create a positive boost unfortunately, but it doesn't cause us to gain negative karma. We are still the same servant of Hashem who deserves and can shteig. We aren't tainted or spoiled,  just waiting to continue achieving the levels we can and must.

I hope my point comes across clearly and doesn't chsv"sh sound like I'm advocating complacency. I still struggle with this malignant mindset as I'm sure many others do to. But be"h we will overcome it and continue to lead a life of going מחיל אל מחיל in our yiras shamayim, avodas hashem, and learning torah!

Hatzlacha on the new zman. Let the bais hamedrash and the sifrei kodesh embrace you with love and envelop you in a halo of kedusha and relentless shteiging.

                One of your many admirers,

                                    Grant

Hey @YeshivaGuy,

Now that you're going back to Yeshiva, check out this great clip from Rabbi YY Jacobson that was on the GYE Boost:
www.guardyoureyes.com/GYEFiles/MP3s/gyeboost/Broadcast133.mp3

For google drive if your filter blocks the first link:
drive.google.com/file/d/1u-s6bAZwwkwpiilWdrtxH0sFvM5fSR9o/view?usp=sharing

Awesome clip that really put things in perspective for me.

Btw everyone should sign up for the GYE Boost Daily Emails. They're awesome! A boost of chizuk every day. Go to www.gyeboost.org .

Also, remember that after 2 or 4 shtark days in yeshiva, you won't remember any more whether you're bein hazmanim was strong or weak.

Really wanna masterbate/see bad stuff...
By fine I’ll go to mincha.
So hard.
This road seems endless...

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Oct 2020 18:42:

There obviously is an end goal, by you it's probably marriage. But let's not lose focus that this road is not only about the prize at the end. We pick up rewards and coins along the way too, everyday clean is a successful end to a smaller goal.

            

Been giving in.
Bad thoughts.
Stared at pics of girls on my phone.
On the verge of breaking the streak.
On the verge now and have been all day, of touching my “ever” etc.
Ive given up ground and now it’s much harder.
Im losing strength.
Not sure how much longer I can withstand this.
I gotta switch back to my kosher phone (I have it here), though could do radio on it which is big taiva for me, the Kol isha.

I need to flee my bed and go to the Bais Medrash.
But I’m frozen in place.

I feel like how I’ve felt before giving in.
Slowly giving in inch by inch...
Im sinking.
Help

Just called a close friend of mine.
Told him my matzav now, got chizuk.
Told him I’ll switch my phone and give him this one for a few days.

I thought I’d be able to stay strong with the iPhone like I managed to do when I was home.
But I guess not...

49 days done. It’s Shavuos!!! Go to the Bais Medrash and learn all night!

Shutting off my phone/cutting off from all technology etc for the next 2 days as a detox.
Will keep it in my friends dorm room.
Hope everyone stays well.
Will update y’all bezras Hashem upon return

51 Days clean BH.
Hope everyone’s doing well