Fell now again.
Why? Honestly, stam. Just stam a habit at this point.

Anyway, onwards.

I have an appointment Mon Night and return to Yeshiva tues morn.
Returning to structure should help bezras Hashem.

Gotta stay positive and daven.
Gn

YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 May 2021 01:58:

Maybe it was your shemiras einaim, or maybe your anivus

Buddy, you made a deal and BH are keeping the deal excellently. The agreement was purposely not about masturbation. Instead of knocking yourself down about masturbation, walk with your head held high that BH you have passed nisayon after nisayon regarding shmiras einaim, unsafe devices, etc.!! You have kept your gedarim in a way that other bochurim can only wish for.  Especially since enough wise people have "diagnosed" that at this stage, the masturbation is an anxiety issue, more than it being a kedusha issue, let yourself live! Iyh the day will come that you will have more menuchas hanefesh, and then the masturbation will b'ezras Hashem stop too. And it will stop to the extent that even if once in a while you will experience severe stress, you will iyh stay clean.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 24 May 2021 22:07:

Amen, thank you.
I will admit though that I have not been perfect in not using devices.
There were a bunch of times when I almost used the computer for shmutz but then remembered the deal.
But yesterday in the morning I forgot the deal and went on YouTube for abit.
I think that constitutes violating the deal and will bezras Hashem pay the knas when I can.
Unless you think differently, but I feel I did violate it.

Let's discuss that off the forum.

A very big win just now, Baruch HaShem.
Trying to fall asleep now and return to Yeshiva in the morning on a high, B’ezras HaShem.

Please share it, it you have time before you leave for Yeshiva

Looking_to_improve wrote on 25 May 2021 10:42:

Started the “Masterbating process,” but pulled back somehow. Bh. Leaving soon to Yeshiva, will be bkesher

R' YeshivaGuy, how are you doing these days? 

Thanks for checking in.
Baruch HaShem I am 11 days clean.
Taking it day by day.
I just got home now for some appointments and should be heading back Tuesday morning.

I made a deal with my friend that if I’m clean over these days we’ll go out to dinner.
That kinda deal worked to get me to a week bh.

Doing well bh with Kedusha inyanim.
Was computer in my room last night thought bout being nichshal but decided no and moved it out.
A lot going on in other inyanim but not going to discuss that now.
Hatzlochq

Was clean for 14 days.
Went to mall with family and was nichshal a lot in Shmiras Eynayim…
Held back again tonight from computer.
But after a big fight in bed now, just masterbated.

These last 14 days showed me that I can still be matzliach in this inyan.
I will now aim for 21 days B’ezras HaShem.

Gn

That is amazing! It really looks like things are starting to pick up!

Stay positive, you know you can do it. Count it as a huge win that you didn't go onto the computer. 

As far as the mall is concerned, I would word it "I struggled a lot with shemiras einayim..." Lets not get involved in whether or not it's a good idea to go to the mall or not, but if you choose to go, it's not going to be easy. If you want to call something "nichshal" it's putting yourself into a bad situation, once your in it, you can't be hard on yourself for having a hard time, we all would.

Thanks.
And I’d never go to the mall on my own volition. Haven’t gone in at least 2 years bh.
Was with my sisters fam from Eretz Yisrael and they wanted to go there for activities for their kids (indoor playground).

YeshivaGuy wrote on 14 Jun 2021 12:14:

I am not saying that there is anything wrong, what I am saying is that there is also nothing wrong with a struggling when you are in a difficult place. That's what happens to the best of us.