So! Today is day 30. I went a month clean without movies! I mean that's like 50 to 60 movies less then I would've seen. I shocked myself. Baruch Hashem. But the thing that shocked me the most is how much regular movies and streaming apps affected my lust levels. My lust dropped from a 10 to a 4. Literally. I am not constantly being turned on by triggering scenes or scantily clad women in otherwise innocent films. I never realized just how hard it truly made it. Now I know why I always felt like I was busting! 

Just one thing I'm suffering immensely from is the summer dress code (or lack thereof) in the world. I mean how do people who are constantly surrounded by it live?!? I mean wherever I look there are delicious sights that stick in my brain! I try my best so I'm not suffering from guilt, just the pain of being constantly stimulated and teased.

                                  Grant

May Gd Grant you 400+

Grant400 wrote on 12 Aug 2020 02:07:

So a refreshing post!  I also made that hard decision last summer to drop movies and TV shows and it was a key/crucial decision in helping me in the struggle against Lust.  Sometime I still desire going back to that "comforting feeling" of immersing myself into movies.  Reading others' post on this topic helps reinforce the need to stay away. 

So for the past few days I'm forced to stay home for whatever reason. Bored out of my mind. I've been holding strong and haven't watched any movies. But I'm at the end of the line. I'm dying just to watch a clean movie. Military maybe...benign.

But I know it will start my addiction all over again and from there I'll start watching half the night again. Mostly I don't want to start being exposed again to all the shmutz in the "regular" movies which makes lusting inevitable. I don't want to give in! Please, anyone who has experience with this desire and addiction, I'd love if you can share something to help keep me strong.

I keep telling myself that I'm only going to do it for a short time, and only super clean stuff, and only, and only, and only, yeah right. 

                                Grant

Grant400 wrote on 25 Aug 2020 22:03:

Another Jew Tuber ‘suffering’ with you :-)

Grant400 wrote on 25 Aug 2020 22:03:

Hey Grant, I enjoy your posts and I think you add a lot to the forum. Since you requested feedback, I'll go ahead and do my best to provide it in a constructive manner. I think the issue here isn't really about the movies. You need a game plan for situations when you are "stuck at home." In the absence of a plan or schedule, most of us humans will choose to do the activity that is most stimulating and easy for us. In your case this appears to be watching movies. I would recommend developing a plan that for these types of days. The plan should feel "doable" as well as productive. 

It sounds like you know that watching movies will not be helpful to you. Both from the perspective of your susceptibility to binge watching, as well as from the perspective that it tends to make your lust urges stronger. I know that for myself, anytime I feel I really need to watch something and I'm conflicted about it because I feel like part of my motivation is to lust, I'm better off staying away. Hope this is somewhat helpful and coherent. KOT!

Hi Grant,
Welcome to the movie club. I have struggled a while with this challenge. B"H, I barely go on to YouTube anymore, and definitely do not go on to binge watch.
I'm trying to stop Movies and TV shows for the past 2 years. ( Which I only started a few years ago, wasn't brought up with it). B"H with Siyatya DShmaya I cut down on my exposure.  However I'm still hooked on to 1 specific TV Series. It is "clean" for today's standards. This past year,  I couldn't resist and watched every episode. Will see how I'm holding next year when the new season is released.

That being said, once in a while watching a clean show is I think Ok. I found it sometimes was able to calm me down instead of acting out, when my defenses were down, like when I wasn't feeling well, etc...

Hatzlocha Rabba

Is there a home project that you have been pushing off for a while?  Such as cleaning out the junk or organizing the basement?  Maybe finally going through that stack of papers that have been piling up for many months now?

In theory watching one clean movie is not bad.  But we can't view this in a vacumn.  As you have stated, you know based on how you are wired, that once you give in a little it can potentially explode into something much worse. 

Hi Grant,

Wonderful posts!
I have been addicted to movies and Tv since i was 14. Watched every movie under the sun. I have cut down drastically years ago. Now i only watch a few movies in the summer when im home alone and bored. but i make sure its kosher, i usually just rewatch shows that i know they are kosher. 
what i found helpful its reading books. 
I would recommend Tom Clancies books. they are kosher and very exciting. Lots of military and politics. That can help you as well. 


Hope it helps. 

Thanks!

Yup I'm a big Tom Clancy fan, although I haven't read any in a while. But I did use books as a crutch in lieu of movies. I was always a big reader but then it switched to movies, so now I sorta switched back to reading and to a few other stuff too.

Did you uuse any methods to stop or just sheer willpower? 

Sheer willpower. Plus putting the strongest filters possible. 
So I barely get a chance to browse titles of movies because everything relating that is blocked. That has helped me greatly. 

Regarding Clancy- I loved his Jake Ryan series, Debt of Honor, Excetutive Orders, The hunt for Red October, The Cardinal of the Kremlin, ETC. I read all of them several times. 
Im also a huge Harry Potter fan and read those books tens of times. For me, that is a real substitute, 
To tell you the truth, i dont even read novels anymore these days . I feel too guilty about wasting time, (I have a problem with guilt and overachieving) but I think the best way forward is books and good filters. 

Ok. So I fell. At least I think I did. I downloaded a new app and was suspicious that it had access to inappropriate content (like nude images) , and I decided that I can't live with having suspicions that I have access to triggering content. It would be a constant battle that I may lose on a bad day with bad consequences. 

I said to myself, let me check now that I'm doing very good and if there's anything there I'll immediately uninstall and block the app. Well. It was way worse than I expected (only images though,  and not terrible ones just something that rhymes with "mood") . And I lingered for much longer than expected (or wanted, I should've expected it actually). Now I uninstalled the app and blocked it.

So here's my question: Is it a fall? I mean I know I probably shouldn't have checked, but I still had somewhat of a point. Or did I? Was it all an excuse? Please help me decide. (It isn't only about the streak, it's about me feeling disgusting or just thinking that I shouldn't use such excuses even if it made somewhat sense in the future) 

                                  Grant

Grant400 wrote on 03 Sep 2020 21:29:

It doesn't sound like a fall to me.  just a slip. 

So, I've been rehashing it in my head the whole day and here's what I came out with. Yes, I had a reason and I wasn't expecting such an onslaught of images. But, I lingered too long and saw images I haven't seen in really really long. So I'm extremely disappointed in myself and I must use this as a learning experience.  

So, I'm going to have to suffer the consequences and end my streak of 53 days and start a brand new one tomorrow. This time with a more vivid understanding and appreciation for my vulnerability. With a greater respect for the lure and enticement of lusting. A respect not borne of love and awe, no, a respect for it's depravity and ignorance. A respect for the enemy that only leads to smarter decisions and fiercer fighting.

I learn not to take anything for granted. Not to become overly confident and assured. To always be aware of lurking pitfalls and ambushes by seemingly innocent triggers. To constantly remember the wounds and tears. To always have a vision of the reasons and understanding which led me on to the battle field in the first place.

Yes I lost this battle but the war isn't over just yet. Yes I was wounded, but I bear these scars not as evidence to my losses, but rather as a testament to lessons learned and convictions made afresh.

Here's to a new beginning full of accomplishments and success, built upon yesterdays lessons, triumphs and setbacks.

                          A humbled Grant

I remember the days I roamed aimlessly,
Never taking what should be taken seriously,

Stumbling along never on the rise,
Never having eyes for the real prize,

Always lost my arms flailing,
Ears abuzz with constant wailing,

Then I saw you across the room,
Everything went silent as if in a tomb,

All of me changed after that glance,
My heart was aflutter my mind in a dance,

I knew it must be from now on, you and me, Creating together a new identity,

But tentacles of fear clutched my heart,
To approach you, oh! where do I start,

Feeling inadequate and out of your league,
I tried again and again feeling the fatigue,

Finally after my hundredth brave attempt,
You welcomed me, my appearance unkempt,

Inexperienced and fragile you groomed me,
Showing me beauty, teaching me to see,

Every breath with you my placation,
My shining sun, a wonderful sensation,

We woke each day stronger than before,
With you each morning my spirits would soar,

But today I cast you away for something new,
So blindsided, seemingly out of the blue,

I wasn't faithful to you my precious life,
Searing pain like a white hot knife,

For a few moments of fleeting pleasure,
I gave up something that I can't measure,

To indulge in a miserable fantasy,
I have forsaken you with apathy,

I must bear the consequences and say my goodbyes,
I understand you cannot live with lies,

It's either you or them, both will collide,
No harmony, no living side by side,

So long to you, my longest of streaks,
I hope to be worthy of you in just a few weeks.

                            
                                   Grant