Hi all, 
First a bit about me. 
Started M as young boy of probably 9. P at the 13-14. Had multiple partners as bucher is yeshiva. 
Got married issues didnt get any better. struggled for years. Untill i found GYE BH! Anyway. the last year has been the cleanest year in my life. 
I have the best filters everywhere, stopped watching any movies, stopped listening to any goyishe music. Not reading any non kosher or goyishe entertainment sites. And my triggers of course dropped dramatically. Im much stronger in fighting any urges. This is the good portion of my story. 
Now to my issue, im very stressed in my life. Have a lot going on. 
Usually i would release with M and P. cant do that anymore.....
At least i could have sex with the wife, thats not happening..... 
. But we are not doing it out of fear of getting preg. We just had twins and live in a tiny house and the fear of getting preg is just too much. If we do it, we are both nervous wreck untill she gets her period when we thank hashem. So im very stressed, my clean streak is ulmost my longest yet and im not getting any kosher either. my brain is going mushy literally. 
So i feel like my brain is revolting since im not giving it any pleasure outlets. 
i fear that ive repressed too much and its not healthy. What do i do now?

Speak to a Rov, there may be permissible ways to avoid pregnancy in a case of need.

Hatzlacha and KUTGW!

It sounds as though the bulk of the problem you are seeking advise on is the stress in your life. I would suggest talking about all of that stress-it will help get it off your mind. Additionally, a good tool is to exercise/walk outside to clear your head

Hi chancy
First of all congratulations on the cleanest year in your life!
​GYE is definitely a true life saver.

Your situation sounds very difficult and trying and as Gevura Shebyesod wrote,  there are be permissible ways to avoid pregnancy in a case of need. If you need help with this I can get you in touch with an halachic authority that's very well versed with these issues. 

Regarding the pleasure outlets, the SMART recovery program has a list of activities you may enjoy for relapse prevention: (see list below)


CHORES AND USEFUL TASKS (such as Cleaning, Cooking, Dishwashing, Ironing, Sewing).

EXERCISES (such as Jogging, Nautilus, Walking, Aerobic Dancing, Stretching or Aerobic Exercises, Shadow Boxing, Skipping Rope, Yoga, Weightlifting).

FOOD ACTIVITIES (such as Baking, Cooking, Barbecuing, Preparing Gourmet Meals, Shopping for Food).

GAMES (such as Bridge, Checkers, Chess, Go, Jigsaw Puzzles, Monopoly, Poker, Pinochle, Scrabble, Crosswords, Anagrams).

GRAPHIC ARTS (such as Cartooning, Drawing, Lettering, Mechanical Drawing, Painting, Photography, Silkscreening).

HANDICRAFT ACTIVITIES (such as Basketmaking, Bookbinding, Crocheting, Embroidering, Knitting, Leatherworking, Dressmaking, Decoupage, Needlepoint).

HUMOROUS ACTIVITIES (such as Cartooning, Improvisation Games, Charades, Jesting, Joke-making, Playing Practical Pranks and Jokes, Punning).

MARTIAL ARTS (Akido, Jujitsu, Judo, Karate, Fencing, Wrestling).

OUTDOORS ACTIVITIES AND SPORTS (such as Birdwatching, Gardening, Crabbing, Fishing, Canoeing, Sailing, Hunting, Walking, Ice-skating, Skiing, Rowing, Hiking).

PERFORMING ARTS (such as Dancing, Ballet, Mime, Acting, Improvisation, Modern Dance, Tap Dance, Singing).

PERSONAL GROWTH (Self-help Books, Workshops, Lectures, Skills-learning, Career Development).

READING (Fiction, Novels, Plays, Poems, Nonfiction).

SCIENTIFIC ACTIVITIES (such as Anatomy, Biology, Herpetology, Physics, Medicine, Zoology, Anthropology, Psychology, Sociology).

SOCIALIZING ACTIVITIES (such as Conversing, Group Activities, Attending or Giving Parties, Rap Sessions).

SPECTATING (watching Movies, Plays, Sports, Pageants, Circuses).

SPORTS (such as Baseball, Basketball, Golf, Gym, Football, Hockey, Dancing, Tennis, Skating, Running, Volleyball).

STUDYING ACADEMIC SUBJECTS (such as Art History, History, Language, Math, Music, Science, Social Science).

TRADES AND CRAFTS (such as Bricklayer, Builder, Carpenter, Foreman, Factory Worker, Gardener, Mechanic, Machinist, Police Officer).

VENTING FEELINGS (such as Punching Pillows, Yelling, Talking, Writing, Expressing Good Feelings).

Just to reiterate what Gevurah wrote, it's really worthwhile to speak to a Rov about contraception - there are plenty of kosher options available.

I follow a very machmir Rov. You'd be surprised how far he goes so as to preserve Shalom Bayis. I'd bring him very suspicious (to me at least) ketamim and he would say they're tahor (he's an expert in this area). Don't be quick to abstain. People may actually think it's machmir or heilige to forego relations with the wife whenever possible, but it's just the opposite. You're being mevatel a very important mitzva even if you're not going to conceive anyway. Not to mention, it's a big trigger, to abstain. Speak to a Rov immediately. Nowadays most will allow for contraception for a number of different motives.

HI Everyone! 
Thank you for the encouragement. 
To clerifiy, i got a permission from my Dayan based on what the Dr told us that its dangerous to get preg within the coming year. so were on the pill.
however, we are still scared..... its not a 100% accurate. 

No mod around?
I guess they all got quarantined at the Jewish AA convention OSAAT (one sip at time)...

Now, Where’s the BB gun????