I posted originally in a different thread. I think it's more appropriate to post it here. My story is long but for now my current issues that I really need some input. 

I'm new here. I have been struggling for years and am on a very good stretch now. The issue is that it's mostly due to the fact that Im afraid that if I mess up, who knows what will happen to me.My self esteem is has been really horrible and I live in fear.I know that it's 100% wrong to think this way but I can't help it. I'm suffering from anxiety and depression also. Always nervous and always afraid. I'm going through some personal issues not related to anything I did and are convinced that they are because of things I have done. I have a beautiful family and so much to be happy for but I feel like cause of things I did who knows what will happen etc... 

I used to be more level headed and knew that I was a normal person going through normal nisyonos. But a little while ago I became completely depressed and full of anxiety and became very nervous and I lost my equilibrium and became crazy that who knows what will happen to me. I constantly think terrible things are going to happen and it's as if I'm waiting for bad stuff to happen. My brain is almost firing negative thoughts all the time.I do have better days and worse days as far as the nerves and depression.As far as my nisyonos go, because I'm so afraid, I have been very good.Can anyone help me and give advice and/or chizuk? 

Thank you all in advance! 

welcome to here.
Its a bit a riddle for me reading through this. Can you give some more information?
This forum helped me to realize that MZL and watching Porn is not good for me and that my real inner me also does not want it - even if my emotions tell me i do. But i dont know if you have the same problem as me so i cant tell you if this is the right place for you
Good luck anyway and i hope you find a solution or a help soon

welcome. step one is to speak to someone real.

Meaning? 

Need a yeshua

It sounds to me as if you are suffering from depression.
The frequent fear of bad things happening is a symptom.

Am I correct?

Yes. 

What can I do? 

Perhaps you need to see a professional. He may be able to help with the depression and anxiety, and ultimately that will make it easier to deal with the other stuff. 
hatzlacha!

I was recently recommended to a therapist that I will be calling to make an appointment. 

If anyone can give me tips or chizuk it would be greatly appreciated! 

Need a yeshua wrote on 24 Oct 2019 01:49:

Taking a bold step such as you are considering is big chizuk for all us!

KUTGW!

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement, chizuk and advice! They are always welcome! 

I have said tehilim and want to say more and more often but with your input I think I will really get to it. 

Thank you all! 

I've been through lots of the same. Read this book The Battle of the Generation: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. I felt like it was written specifically for this. You'll love it. Especially read Appendix A (maybe even start there). Helpful with struggles and depression and negative thoughts.

Thanks. I'll read it.

Can you please elaborate on what you went through and how you did? 

Depression is hell.

It needs medical help, in my opinion.
Can have several causes.

But keep reminding yourself that you have worth, and talent.
And take things one day at a time.
Do not compare yourself to others, you do not know what is happening in the lives.
Do not place pressure on yourself.
Enjoy when something nice happens.

Hi

I would love to help you.

I have experienced similar things that you are describing, but I learnt that it does not have to be that way. All mental pain and suffering always comes from thought in the moment. Nothing an give a person an experience unless he has a thought. The weather , divorce, struggles, cannot make a person feel a certain way. It is always their thinking that will make them feel how they do. Thought is the missing link between  what happens and how feel. We think (whether conscious or subconscious), and then we have an experience of that, believing it is real.  You see people who divorced  5 times for example and are happier than people who have all the supposedly good things in life. You see People living in utter poverty in places like nigeria and sudan and many of them are far happier than the average european. 

For years , psychologists have attempted to discover once and for all, what causes deression, what causes anxiety, what causes schizophrenia. They still have no answers. Not one psychologist or psychiatrist will aor can ever tell a person, Yo have depression becuase you lost your job, an i say that with 100 percent certianty.  It is all speculation. Maybe this drug will help, maybe that therapy, maybe this vacation will clam you down, all of it  is maybe maybe maybe. i am not just from how it works according to to others but from my own personal experience.

The answer to all psychological suffering comes from within. It always comes from within. I am saying this to you as someone who realized this myself. When you see this properly and deeply, your life will changed beyound your wildest imagination without you having to anything.
I know this may sound absurd and it did to me in the beginning. Yet it changed my life so much to the point I was thanking hashem for all the  tremendous suffering i went through to get me to see this beauty and peace, whih i promise you is indescribable beyond words.

I am happy to help you as a fellow person, find yourself,  you are not broken I promise you are not mentally ill, I know that for 100 percent. Your thinking has gone a bit off, given you frightening experiences, but when you see truth eye to eye, your will see your family and everything in life with such a beauty, that is indescribable.

But when you find the right thought, your life will change, It does not matter who you are.

I am taking the time to right this because it pains me to see people like you in pain when it does not have to be this way. I don't want money or anything else. All i want is to help people like you

please email me at proudjew95@gmail.com if you want to be in touh

Kol Tuv

Moshe

thanks so much!

i will reach out to you.