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TOPIC: Newcomer 1080 Views

Newcomer 23 Oct 2018 03:30 #336580

  • SilverGold
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Hi. I have a very strong filter on my smartphone (gentech, installed by TAG). It is very stong and does its job. My smartphone is not really a problem for me anymore, BH.The issue is that I often (as I do now) have roommates (I am single), who have unfiltered computers, etc. I sometimes find myself using their computers without their permission, to look up inappropriate material. It is a problem infringing on others' boundaries, as well as using the internet inappropriately.Being that the device is not mine, I don't see much I can do about it. Bringing it up would be very awkward. I therefore find myself in a tough situation. What can I possibly do when the device is not even mine?!

Re: Newcomer 23 Oct 2018 03:48 #336581

  • Markz
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Welcome.

In other words the filter doesn't help you much. I'm in similar boat. When lusting, if my devices are filtered, I'll simply find elsewhere...

Breaking the device doesn't help me
How to break free?

Stick around with the guys here and you'll find that an unfiltered device may not be such a challenge after all, such as others on this website have and are sober :-)
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Re: Newcomer 23 Oct 2018 04:31 #336585

  • gyehelp2017
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The more you teach your mind that you dont need porn etc. The easier it will become. Meaning, that the more you will teach yourself that you DONT have to watch this or that, the easier it will become when you actually face a nisoyon. So practically speaking,  if filtering is not an option (it "is" the best option, so you should really try to do anything possible to get the computer filtered,  but if not) then have this in mind, every time you dont give into your urge, not only do you stay clean then, more importantly you teach your mind slowly but surely  that it is not a must to look at inappropriate stuff, you can actually live without it. Yes it definitely takes time to change a mindset,  but every time you keep strong you make a DENT so to speak in your previous way of life, and its a step closer to freedom.
Keep strong my friend,  and be in touch. All the best!

Re: Newcomer 23 Oct 2018 05:01 #336588

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha. Of course it is optimum to have filters. Besides protecting us from ourselves, it protects from accidental viewing of inappropriate images. Maybe you can bring up the subject of filters and ask curiously if they have. When they say no, point out that so many rabbonim are urging us to get them.Even if they say no, you will know that you tried.Meanwhile decide to stay on the site. Make use of the many things offered here. What helped me the most was speaking with the successful chevra here.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Newcomer 23 Oct 2018 09:33 #336592

  • mzl
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SilverGold wrote on 23 Oct 2018 03:30:
Hi. I have a very strong filter on my smartphone (gentech, installed by TAG). It is very stong and does its job. My smartphone is not really a problem for me anymore, BH.The issue is that I often (as I do now) have roommates (I am single), who have unfiltered computers, etc. I sometimes find myself using their computers without their permission, to look up inappropriate material. It is a problem infringing on others' boundaries, as well as using the internet inappropriately.Being that the device is not mine, I don't see much I can do about it. Bringing it up would be very awkward. I therefore find myself in a tough situation. What can I possibly do when the device is not even mine?!

I suppose you could tell your roommates that you got a filter because you know yourself and you know that you won't do the right thing if you don't have a filter, so they should please take their devices with them or lock them up and not tell you the password.

You might even be a positive influence on your roommates if you say that.

Re: Newcomer 23 Oct 2018 15:51 #336601

  • דרך ישר
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This is definitely one of the big issues many of us face. Yet if it is in a place you don't go that often it is easier to control when you are there, howerver it is very hard to di it (esp when starting out) with computers in your apartment.I am totally with HHM and MZL on this one.As uncomfortable as it may be try to do talk to them. Ask them if they've never seen inappropriate stuff even by mistake( very hard to imagine they haven't).tell them about you're filter and how mucj less garbage you bump into now. And you can finish off by saying you heard from a Rabbi that one may not have YICHUD with a unfiltered device (which unfortunately you have evidence of in you're question-i can definitely confirm from my own experiences  that this is 100% true) and therefore if they don't agree to put on a filter for themselves they should put on a password to protect you from the ISSUR of YICHUD.
Hatzlacha Raba and especially good luck in convincing them for themselves as we know one of the best ways to do teshuva for anything is to help others do teshuva and especially if it is in the area where one himself fell.
and most importantly stay here whenever you h=get a urge as this place is the best guard posssible
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