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Drowning in Filth
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TOPIC: Drowning in Filth 1841 Views

Drowning in Filth 21 Oct 2018 03:50 #336441

It's happened, yet again, that I have gone and viewed pornography. There is an unfiltered computer in my house, yet I use it sometimes for ordinary things (Amazon, E-mail, etc.) that I can't get to at the moment (long story) otherwise. And on those occasions when I'm on (or even when I'm not), I get an urge, and-well, figure out what comes next. It started two months ago, and I MUST STOP! I need to stick to this wonderful program GYE has set up, and conquer this devil, this yetzer Hara. B"H, I will get there. Has anybody else gone through/going through a similar issue? Let's fight it. Who's with me?

Re: Drowning in Filth 21 Oct 2018 04:16 #336444

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Welcome. Yes GYE has many programs to get free from the filth. Stay connected and iyh you will succeed.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Drowning in Filth 21 Oct 2018 05:30 #336445

Thanks. It means a lot.

Re: Drowning in Filth 21 Oct 2018 05:35 #336446

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TheVictoriousFighter wrote on 21 Oct 2018 03:50:
It's happened, yet again, that I have gone and viewed pornography. There is an unfiltered computer in my house, yet I use it sometimes for ordinary things (Amazon, E-mail, etc.) that I can't get to at the moment (long story) otherwise. And on those occasions when I'm on (or even when I'm not), I get an urge, and-well, figure out what comes next. It started two months ago, and I MUST STOP! I need to stick to this wonderful program GYE has set up, and conquer this devil, this yetzer Hara. B"H, I will get there. Has anybody else gone through/going through a similar issue? Let's fight it. Who's with me?

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Re: Drowning in Filth 21 Oct 2018 10:34 #336452

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TheVictoriousFighter wrote on 21 Oct 2018 03:50:
It's happened, yet again, that I have gone and viewed pornography. There is an unfiltered computer in my house, yet I use it sometimes for ordinary things (Amazon, E-mail, etc.) that I can't get to at the moment (long story) otherwise. And on those occasions when I'm on (or even when I'm not), I get an urge, and-well, figure out what comes next. It started two months ago, and I MUST STOP! I need to stick to this wonderful program GYE has set up, and conquer this devil, this yetzer Hara. B"H, I will get there. Has anybody else gone through/going through a similar issue? Let's fight it. Who's with me?

Sort of. I desire porn but I don't use it because since I became frum if I use my computer to get aroused the computer breaks in one or another, and I need my computer more than I need to get turned on.

My challenge today is my wife. I have to interact with her, and she wants to be touched and go out together, etc, and then I want her, and sometimes this ends well and sometimes she turns out to be in pain, not in the mood, busy, the kids won't go to sleep, she is afraid to smell afterwards, whatever ... and I'm a wimp and I feel like I'm imposing on her and don't insist and usually I'm turned on and think to myself "G-d should not have done this," and then I masturbate.

Re: Drowning in Filth 21 Oct 2018 11:22 #336456

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There are many many guys who started in GYE from the same place you have, and many from much much worse. BH a very large number of them are doing great; some completely free, and some pretty close. They have a mehalech and loads of support. You did the first step by reaching out for help and posting. Write more (without writing any personal identifying info). The oilam will respond and you will iyh get started.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Drowning in Filth 22 Oct 2018 04:37 #336500

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Hi!
Yes we ALL around here have had these kind of experiences more or less, you are not alone, we are all here to give power courge and strength to each other,  so welcome aboard!!!!!
There are lots of tools that are very effective,  signing up for the 90 day chart, that gives one a lot of courage to continue. posting on the forum your success and failure, so that people can cheer you on and help with advice. public chat/ one on one chat is really great to get in touch with some great people around here., and much much more.
Dont forget as long as you stay connected to guys around here you will always learn new and great stuff.
All the best, be well, HATZLUCHA!!!
feel free to reach out to me gyehelp2017@gmail.com

Re: Drowning in Filth 22 Oct 2018 04:51 #336501

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Definitely been there . GYE definitely a HUGE help , but the biggest and most immediate help is to totally block all computers available and even if may be wife etc,,, computer and you're embarrassed to say it has to be blocked,, blame it on rabbis but make sure you block it. Will make recovery along with 90 day chart much much easier.
HATZLOCHA
  

Re: Drowning in Filth 24 Oct 2018 06:18 #336634

Thanks for the support, I keep falling, and must stop at all costs, B"H this will be effective. I should clarify that I am a teenager in the States, who cannot block his parents' computer (which he has access to), and is struggling when he uses it-I may have to stop going on altogether to break free. If that's what it takes and I can resist, I shall do so.
Thanks again!

Re: Drowning in Filth 24 Oct 2018 09:11 #336637

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TheVictoriousFighter wrote on 24 Oct 2018 06:18:
Thanks for the support, I keep falling, and must stop at all costs, B"H this will be effective. I should clarify that I am a teenager in the States, who cannot block his parents' computer (which he has access to), and is struggling when he uses it-I may have to stop going on altogether to break free. If that's what it takes and I can resist, I shall do so.
Thanks again!

If that works for you it would seem like a good solution. You could test yourself on a computer with a filter. If you react well then you could get another computer with a filter and use that one.

Or you could install monitoring software that emails reports to a third party, so you are always aware that someone will know which sites you visited. There may even be a little network appliance you can buy and just plug in that does that. It might even have other benefits, such as protecting your parents' machine from getting hacked.

Re: Drowning in Filth 24 Oct 2018 11:24 #336641

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TheVictoriousFighter wrote on 24 Oct 2018 06:18:
Thanks for the support, I keep falling, and must stop at all costs, B"H this will be effective. I should clarify that I am a teenager in the States, who cannot block his parents' computer (which he has access to), and is struggling when he uses it-I may have to stop going on altogether to break free. If that's what it takes and I can resist, I shall do so.
Thanks again!

Many guys here are in the same boat. The parents don't realize the extent of the nisayon being placed in their son's hands. One fellow said recently "My mother proudly announces to our yom tov guests 'In this house we trust our boys!' " Of course that makes our chaver not only feel horrible and broken about the filth, but also about "breaking their trust". It is unfortunate that in so many homes parents are so naive. What works well, but takes some sacrifice of convenience and entertainment on your part (but you do want to get better...) is to make an issur yichud with the computer. Realize that once you are online, it is simply to easy and quick to get to the bad stuff, and besides so much of what we view that we consider "kosher content" is really not kosher at all. Once we remove ourselves from using an unfiltered computer in the first place, we simply avoid the problem. This has worked very successfully for many guys that i know personally.   There may be (rare) occassions where you may actually need to go online. Pick a chaver from here that you will call/text before going online and make up that you will call/text again when off. This accountability really works.  Of course you need long term training so if and when you enter the workforce in a manner that will require constant internet usage, you can remain pure. However that is step 2. For now lets just help get you clean b'ezras Hashem. Hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Drowning in Filth 28 Oct 2018 06:44 #336721

Thanks-I fell again, and I've had enough. Can I use you as my chaver? Will e-mail you to make sure this question reaches you-please respond asap.

Re: Drowning in Filth 28 Oct 2018 12:42 #336730

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Yes
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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