i would like to introduce my self i was brought up in a frum community without internet and been struggling with ssa since i am 12 years old i 'played' with 3 boys b"h i have no problem with p*** or mas****** i just like to fantasize about men is there any body that could relate to this Thnks    

sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 00:07:

Sure. A lot of people who have struggled with p*** eventually ended up looking at that sort of thing. That is how I developed a desire for it.

Do you feel desire for women too or just men?

How old are you, more or less?

Welcome it should be with hatzlocha. What you describe is very normal. You can iyh break free from this like many of us have, Step one is realize you are a good and normal erson struggling with something many chevra struggle with.

i am 22 engaged, yes i do have a desire to women to but that is in control, not different then any single men. 
i don't know if u understood what i said, i never watched p*** all it was that a friend asked to 'play' with me and that's how i found out that it could be fun, and since then i cant get rid of it and till today i have no access to open internet, but i sill have friends that once in a while want to play and it is very hard to resist.
 Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my post.  

sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 04:22:

what does that mean?

sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 04:22:

Ok so at least you like women too, so if you get married you can try to cultivate that side of you and have a family.

You are really lucky that you have no open access to the internet.

Does "play" mean touching?

It sounds as if it's a bad habit that you are trying to get rid of, but also bad company (and you are bad company for him/them.) Like when someone has friends who smoke, and he wants to quit smoking. Unfortunately you probably need to quit the friends too.

I'm guessing you are a religious guy, but obviously at this point you figured out a reason why playing with your friend is not so bad (else you would have stopped already.) Maybe you can stop for your own sake instead of G-d's. You could start by writing down the pros and cons of a lifestyle where you get married and have kids, and every now and then you play with your friend. What would that entail? That way you can maybe build a commitment to quit. Fighting urges is hard if you are not convinced you are better off in your new life.

For example among the pros you could list: it feels good, I can do things I could never do with my wife, friendship, adventure ... For the cons you could list: I have to live in fear of being discovered, I'm never really going to feel good about doing it because it's below my moral standards, I have to raise my kids and teach them not to do this themselves, etc

You would know what to put in there.

Regarding the bad habit you have gotten into, is it possible for you to simply call up your friends and very straightforwardly tell them "I am iyh getting married and I want to come into the marriage clean. Although I enjoy our "game" I know it has to stop. Please honor my request that we stop this activity". Secondly, write up a contract where it states that until your wedding there is an issur yichud with those friends. Without telling them (there is no need to hurt their feelings), be mekabel on yourself that you will not close the door when its just you and one of those guys (or if it happened with a few together, than when its just the "group"), even for a kosher activity - like a chess game. If you do close the door, even if you don't end up "playing" with each other, you will give yourself a knas that hurts. Read the contract every morning. Hatzlocha chaver. You will miss the fun, you will miss the racing heart, and you will miss the release, but its well worth it. You may experience some withdrawal and that is to be expected. We are here to hold your hand and help you come to your chasuna clean, holy,  and happy.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 27 Aug 2018 12:03:

That would be wonderful if it works. I'm concerned about what's going to happen after he gets married. But I'm an addict, maybe he can just get over this and move on forever, like you said.

sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 04:22:

Welcome brother. Mazal Tov!

Tough situation...

There are brothers on this web-'sight' that are on the same train as you and found light at the end of the tunnel.
It's where the subway ends and the long haul begins. 
Maybe Gevurah has some subway contacts for you if you wish ;-)

I get weekly blessings from him 

yes it means touching his privates and i really cant stop being in his company because he is my realy close friend, and besides i am worried that if it comes up with another boy i would do the same i need an idea to stop completely Thanks  

sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 18:26:

Okay let's assume you can't get away from him. That's a big constraint. As you know, sur m'ra, v'asay tov. You are trying to break all the records and ditch your desire for him and simultaneously prevent him from touching you. You want to be able to sit somewhere with him and not have a problem.

If I'm getting this right (please tell me if I'm being an idiot here - I even went back to your posts to make sure I didn't miss anything ...) I would approach it like a woman who has an affair with a man and eventually she wants to leave him and be with someone else (in your case your a future wife obviously) and she needs to continue seeing her former lover as friends. I think there's a big body of knowledge on this topic. And it's not easy.

Firstly you have to overcome your desire to touch him or for him to touch you, even when you are in the same room alone. After you have done that you have to plan ahead before you see him to make sure you have things to do with him (eg learn Torah, take a walk,) and also train yourself to turn him down when he tries to persuade you to change your mind.

It's possible, but I don't know why you would do this to yourself. Is his friendship worth it?

If he is your really close friend and actually cares about you, he will respect your wish to stop. Maybe he will reach out for help too when he realizes it is a sick activity. Maybe you can even show him all that you have written here on the forum and the replies you received.

lets say i get over him but how can i get over my desire to want to see and touch other mens privets. thanks

sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 22:30:

Why is it so important not to have the desire any more? Is it because it feels irresistible so you eventually give up? Or something else?

sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 22:30:

Surprisingly the entire SSA tool box disappeared!

Ask Cordnoy or Dov or the Admin for how to break free, and they will surely help!