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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 94231 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Aug 2019 02:35 #342945

  • Markz
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sG

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Re: A struggling bochur 20 Aug 2019 18:55 #342984

Yesterday I made a shvauh for a week because the urges to act out again once I fell anyways were too big, and bezh in a week the small momentum will give me Abit of a boost to continue.
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Aug 2019 19:31 #342985

  • gyehelp2017
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Keep it up S&k, we are all praying for your success and following you along on your journey!!!!!

Re: A struggling bochur 21 Aug 2019 13:16 #343009

Haha, thanks. I've got no idea when I'm ready, I keep backing in and out of shiduchim, cuz maybe I should wait,  now it's up to the one above;)

thanks gyehelp for your much needed encouragement!
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 26 Aug 2019 02:42 #343105

A quote from today's rambam..

ונמצא שוגה בה תמיד כאלו חולי האהבה  שאין דעתם פנויה מאהבת אותה אשה
Explain it how you understand it....
הל' תשובה פרק י הלכה ה
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Aug 2019 03:10 #343172

As Reb sleepy mentioned on his forum, there are a few individuals on gye who's ego have convinced them that since they're considered a gye veteran, and have high karma they have the right to say redicilus comments, assuming they're funny but they simply aren't, on the contrary they're just putting people off including me.So enough with the corny jokes, and mean comments.

Most people on gye for some reason, don't offend people with their comments because they are here to help, some however just have to comment because they are bored, or jealous other people gave good advice, wtvr the case is just stop!

Seriously guys....
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 28 Aug 2019 03:11 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Aug 2019 04:31 #343173

  • i-man
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I was told personally by 1 of the most choshuv and beloved people on gye (and I have never come across an unkind word in his thousands of posts)
that jokes and lighthearted conversation is important as it hhelps build comradry and friendship wwhich is necessary to get out of isolation , and if you look back a couple years there was such a culture on Gye and honestly it seems pretty awesome ,so unless its negative I dont see why corny jokes are unwarranted. And yes everyone should be treated respectfully. 

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Aug 2019 13:06 #343182

  • dave m
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I have been active on the forum for the past 9 month or so.  I would say that 99% of posts are respectful and appropriate.  As great as the forum is, it is still only written words without a face behind it.  So there will always be a risk that certain comments will be misunderstood.   Don't let the 1% ruin your experience. 

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Aug 2019 13:27 #343183

  • lionking
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I haven't posted in a while, however I have read every post (unless they got deleted or edited within a few hours). I don't recall any sharp or offending responses, if yes, it was a very low occurrence. Humor on the other hand is a great tool and has helped lots of people. 

Shnitzel, this is the second or third time you are bringing up this topic without any concrete examples. I am not advocating you should post examples on the forum, however perhaps you can raise your concern with an administrator and send them privately a list of sample posts that you feel aren't appropriate.

The same is true to anyone else that feels offended or slighted by people's posts. Raise the issue with an administrator privately and let them deal with it privately. They have banned some people in the past. Or, they can reach out to the offending member to raise awareness and ask for an explanation.

I strongly agree with you that the forums should be a safe place.

Hatzlocha
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Aug 2019 15:30 #343187

  • trouble
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Gents,

We are all standing on our tippie toes, neck-deep in the Mikvah water. It's not pleasant being here, but it can be. Our guard is down (yaakov?). We can be somewhat defenseless, but we can also behave like men. Pseudonyms, hidden masks, disguises, double identities, mistaken identities, frauds, etc. can only go so far, or can it? I am a member of all the above. Can't this place be a safe haven even without all the sensitivities? Most of us are anonymous. Some of us have met in back alleys, coffee shops, sleazy bars and clubs, park benches, etc. Let's remember that our clothing is in the locker room. We all wear the same shirt and pants (in general terms). Can we not smile, cajole, laugh, mock, criticize, etc. (Is there a rule against using etc. too many times in one paragraph?) Is it too difficult to just get along with each other's idiosyncracies? I don't mean getting along as in friends, but more like colleagues. We don't always need to see eye to eye, and we should not be afraid to tell each other that, even in a direct manner. Yes, we'd like people (all 26 of us) to be able to freely post on the forum and perhaps receive some productive and worthwhile assistance, but does that mean we must agree with everyone's stupidities, foolishness, immaturity, intensities, etc. (Oops, did it again, and I also switched the tenses)? I don't know. Let's just not be so serious. Are we actually afraid that someone might actually listen to one fellow and not to the other? And if yes, who really cares? Do we have the monopoly on sounds advice? Heck, I know I don't (even though I might tell you that I do). What's the worst that can happen? He will stay a lust addict. Big deal! Join the club!
i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Aug 2019 16:44 #343193

  • Markz
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SK sorry for putting it on your thread
It belongs on ieeyc's

Pls forgive me.
KEEP UP YOUR GREAT WORK!

Hows our SMART man doing?
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Last Edit: 28 Aug 2019 17:18 by Markz.

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Sep 2019 03:56 #343676

Haven't been here for a while, longest absence since joining. 

In fact I've not been on any website online as I've recently joined a different Yeshivah which doesn't really have good service and it's totally in middle of nowhere so no women Walking around either, but any small thing gets me triggered so I've still got be careful.
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Sep 2019 13:06 #343681

  • dave m
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It's nice to hear from you!  Glad to hear your absence on this forum was due to limited internet access.  How the new yeshiva working out?

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Sep 2019 06:22 #343692

  • gyehelp2017
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Happy to hear from you S&k, long time no "see". You kept us holding our breaths around here, not knowing what happened to you, we missed your posts containing continues courage and great chizak to all of us. Thanks for sharing with us that you are doing great. Keep it up, and keep us posted on your success!

Re: A struggling bochur 26 Sep 2019 06:16 #343838

My status of a struggling bochur will iyh be changing very soon  to "A successful yungerman"

Mazel tov!! Who'd believe it?!

If not for gye then...............
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 26 Sep 2019 06:17 by Shnitzel and kugel.
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