yup! me! i'm sephardi and yes the tools aren't that much different 

danann@ wrote on 28 Jun 2018 18:35:

Markz, how do we link this thread to the African slonim one?

From talking to married people, in which most said that marriage made it harder while some said that marriage made it easier and thinking this over I realized (cud be I'm wrong and I want to hear people's opinions) that for someone that isn't addicted marriage will make it easier, and for an addict marriage makes it harder. Because for someone that is single to stop completely is hard because for him it's completely off limits, for a married guy it is permitted sometimes which will make it easier to stop for an non addict. But for an addict he definitely will have a hard time stopping as a single and even when he's married it will still be hard to stop and by him living a double life it will destroy him, and he might lose interest in his wife etc but if he is single he isn't really living a double life and isnt  tricking a person, nor is he experiencing a relationship in which he knows the right way to use it but isn't using it right. All he knows, he's doing something wrong. 

Hello happy leil shishi
Just a quick response to the points you made based on my own experience:

When I was a struggling bochur I was definately living a double life - spending large portions of the day  learning in bais medrash then going to the dorm/dirah or wherever and acting out.
As for tricking people - when speaking to parents and they would ask me  how the learning is going I felt pretty rotten saying "great BH" , when in reality it was terrible because my mind was full of tumah and I was all "depressed"
I knew the right way to have a relationship with myself and with Hashem ( probably the 2 most important relationships someone could have) but I abused it  by taking so much potential and oppertunity and squandering it for a fleeting second of false pleasure

And by the way anyone who is married was once single and completely relates to what a bochur went through and could be very helpfull - especially if he succeeded  in getting better ( even a little) as the Mesilas Yesharim says in Shar Zehirus the Mashal about the Labrynth.

All the best

I think the reason that for an addict marriage doesn't fix the problem is that he steers his relationship to his wife so that it becomes just another expression of his disease.

I think one can tell if his marriage is like that by asking himself some questions about it (and answering honestly ...) for example "would I be just as happy in my marriage if I swapped my wife out for a different one?" and "would I be happier if I could be married to a lot of women like my wife simultaneously?" If the answer is "yes" then his wife is really just a service provider for him.

And I don't mean to disqualify marriages that don't fit a certain mold, just recognizing the difference.

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for the feedback and comments! Bh I'm currently holding at 21 days clean on the first try in the 90 day challenge. Iyh all the way to 90! 

My personal experience, that although I have a good filter etc if not for being very careful with shmiras ainayim whilst walking in the street, no way will I be able to stay clean, past few days it's getting Abit weaker by me but iyh very on top of it again!

And the fast day really means much more now, after joining gye, tonz of luck to all of you in keeping strong and feel free to email me on shnitzelandkugel@gmail.com.


Looking forward in hearing from you,

All the best,

Hey im a bochur of 20 yers old struggling. My issue is mainly on my smartphone and unfiltered internet too 

AMEN !!

saveme123 wrote on 02 Jul 2018 16:54:

Maybe you should start with a visit to your local TAG office.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 02 Jul 2018 18:14:

TAG in Flatbush has a new standard called machane kadosh. It is foolproof. They put on the apps you need and remove the browser. If you really need a smartphone (and maybe you don't) try this new mehalech

yes I’m in the same boat I’m also a bachur and as long as I didn’t have access to the internet it was bearable but once I got home that second it was over plead help

Perhaps you can speak to your parents about the internet at home and ask them to put filters on. If you're not comfortable telling them why, tell them that your yeshiva has warned about the dangers of the internet and you don't want to have that nisayon.

same with me also a baucher with this problem maybe we can email 


polandtours1@gmail.com

So bh the week went by very quickly and also was I'm still clean! 26 days and odaat! Although ive had wet dreams, I still don't give in because that's not my fault at all. Before I joined gye every time I had a wet dream that was just an excuse to mastrubate on purpose but after joining gye I realized if I didnt cause it to happen then it ain't my fault. Keep strong everyone and good Shabbos to all!

Hi wet dreams are normal they Are supposed to happen while you are recovering here i copied and pasted a post by "hashem help me" on the matter

"When the subconscious mind starts to realize that you have made a decision not to watch pornography anymore, it rebels. It wants the "drug." It wants that rush of adrenaline and raised heartbeat.

Therefore, when it is in charge - when you are sleeping, half awake, or very spaced out - it will take over and flood your head with images in your memory and cause wet dreams. Ignore all of this completely. It actually means you are winning the war and the subconscious is desperate. It is on the attack. It wants you to feel dirty and evil after the wet dream - but nothing could be farther from the truth!"

I hope you find this helpful. Have a great day.