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A struggling bochur
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Re: A struggling bochur 25 Jul 2019 03:12 #342521

  • gyehelp2017
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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 24 Jul 2019 21:44:

Tomorrow evening I'll iyh be starting to attend weekly face to face SMART recovery" meetings.

Please let us know how the SMART recovery meeting went, it will definitely be a help for a lot of us around here to learn some new stuff.
You are always so inspiring and insightful with your honest sharing, keep it up and keep us posted!

Re: A struggling bochur 26 Jul 2019 00:10 #342532

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 24 Jul 2019 21:44:
So recently I had an opportunity to spend some time with dov and just wanted to share one amazing insight I learnt from him.

#surrender, there's plenty of definitions to that, but this is how understand and how I apply it my life.

When I see a pretty woman in the street, I tell myself "I'm never going to have her, speak with her, have anything to do with her" "she doesn't want to have anything to with me, she's not trying to please me".

As dov puts it, "a pretty woman isn't lust"! I'm just using her to feed my lust and I really love that line because that totally changed my perspective, as in it used to be me telling myself that she's causing me to lust, so to separate her from her lusting activities (her pretty clothes etc) was hard for me and made it a impossible fight, now that I know it's just my lust I'm imposing on her, andI realize that it's not about her, it's just me then I can tell myself to take a chill, live life and surrender that desire, and try stop objectifying her.

Although it's still a fight for me to go into my personal surrender mode, nevertheless it's not unbearable as it used to be, but there's still a long road ahead to recovery, and BH past 6 weeks that I've been clean I consider it clean not "dry drunk"

Tomorrow evening I'll iyh be starting to attend weekly face to face SMART recovery" meetings.

Strong post!!
Success with your meeting
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


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Re: A struggling bochur 26 Jul 2019 12:34 #342541

So... 

Yesterday I showed up to a "SMART recovery meeting" there were 8 people there including one woman which BH wasn't a problem for me.

SMART recovery is for all types of addictions, everyone introduced themselves saying why they were there, how their week was, I just said I have "maladaptive behavior" that's what was suggested I say, because no one would accept me fully if I say I've got sexual issues.

People there were either alcoholics or on drugs, really sad to see these people which looking like they've nearly killed themselves, they looked terrible and ill. 

The facilitator went through everyone personally asking them questions, one of the things I said was, that Shabbos stopped me from using my drug (porn) it was a tremendous Kiddush hashem, and people really respected that, point is the facilitator is like you see how you can stop if you really want to.In smart we believe everyone can stop in their own... No higher power etc as in 12 steps..


Then he went through a exercise to help us realize, we convinced ourselves that giving in once to the drug isn't an issue, look where we end up each time we give in, and how we need to rewire the way we think

Then the hat was passed around for donations.

That's my first experience in short and without sharing private stuff...
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings  and been clean BH since 8 Sivan 5779.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 26 Jul 2019 18:36 #342542

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 26 Jul 2019 12:34:
So... 

Yesterday I showed up to a "SMART recovery meeting" there were 8 people there including one woman which BH wasn't a problem for me.

SMART recovery is for all types of addictions, everyone introduced themselves saying why they were there, how their week was, I just said I have "maladaptive behavior" that's what was suggested I say, because no one would accept me fully if I say I've got sexual issues.

People there were either alcoholics or on drugs, really sad to see these people which looking like they've nearly killed themselves, they looked terrible and ill. 

The facilitator went through everyone personally asking them questions, one of the things I said was, that Shabbos stopped me from using my drug (porn) it was a tremendous Kiddush hashem, and people really respected that, point is the facilitator is like you see how you can stop if you really want to.In smart we believe everyone can stop in their own... No higher power etc as in 12 steps..


Then he went through a exercise to help us realize, we convinced ourselves that giving in once to the drug isn't an issue, look where we end up each time we give in, and how we need to rewire the way we think

Then the hat was passed around for donations.

That's my first experience in short and without sharing private stuff...

“no one would accept me fully if I say I’ve got sexual issues”
Why do you think so?
It’s such a normal thing. 
My Story---------Dov Quotes


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Re: A struggling bochur 26 Jul 2019 18:37 #342543

Not in SMART recovery, I've been told by smart recovery vets not to say..
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings  and been clean BH since 8 Sivan 5779.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 26 Jul 2019 21:12 #342545

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The pirshay HaMarkz shlita explain that he was joking. No one thinks s-x addiction is normal unless he's a s-x addict. :-)

Hatzlacha on SMART.
It does sound very different then 12 steps.
Please keep us posted if you don't mind.
Kit
sg
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Jul 2019 04:22 #342555

Not sure why I have giant urges tonight/today... My brains craving for that enjoyment which comes through mastrubation.... maybe because I've been surrendering my lust past 7 weeks which is a first for me... 

G-D help me....
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings  and been clean BH since 8 Sivan 5779.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Jul 2019 12:22 #342559

I also am having a tough day with cravings- I feel like this is the first big fight since I have began to stay clean. There were other tough urges but this one is persistent and the type that makes me give in and I usually fall. 

i know my plan is to make sure to not even go to a room where I’ll be alone if I can help it. Don’t want to put myself in any sakana on a tough day like today. 

Wishing you lots of strength today- let’s get through it together!

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Jul 2019 22:07 #342631

So although I don't feel comfortable sharing my sexual acting out during the meetings which is a big disadvantage compared to sa,however the actual being part of a group of people which are all there to get rid of their personal drug really helps me. 

For instance I've been hearing different ideas on gye which didn't sit well with me, somehow the facilitator meantioned one last week and I decided to use it just a temporary tool when big urges sweep over me.

Second meeting tomorrow iyh. 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings  and been clean BH since 8 Sivan 5779.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Aug 2019 15:15 #342661

My whole post got deleted, let's try again;)


Yesterday was my second meeting, it was BH a small crowd so got more attention, the meetings are 1.5 hours long and extremely emotionally draining for me, I go to a nearby 7-11 to get a slurpy to treat myself and let out some tension.

So the beginning of the meeting everyone introduces themselves, how long they're in recovery for, sober streak and how the past week was, then the facilitator will add some thoughts, tools for that specific person and situation.

Then the facilitator goes through a different tool each meeting, yesterday it was a simple one in which they use in business, costs of using the "drug" benefits of using it, costs of stopping and benefits of stopping, everyone said what they thought of we discussed it in detail, this just puts things info perspective when written down, I get more clarity, and next time I get an urge this paper will come to use.

 Then the hat was passed around for donations..

This coming week I celebrate 2 months of being clean, last time I hit this number was 10 months ago!! And even then it was dry drunk, I was still constantly lusting, now it's way less bh since I've mastered my personal surrender method, and it's also the second highest number I've reached since joining gye. 

So again I'm so grateful to the one above for leading me to this site, the guard shlita for starting it, the guys on gye for the support and encouragement.


Good Shabbos to all, bezh continued good news!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings  and been clean BH since 8 Sivan 5779.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 02 Aug 2019 15:16 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 03 Aug 2019 23:57 #342669

  • doingtshuva
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All I can say, is that I am so jealous of all you guys that had/have the courage to attend live meetings.
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: A struggling bochur 04 Aug 2019 11:02 #342681

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doingtshuva wrote on 03 Aug 2019 23:57:
All I can say, is that I am so jealous of all you guys that had/have the courage to attend live meetings.

For me, I don't know that it was about courage. Maybe more about a moment of real honesty.
I had been on gye for years, I met and smoke spoke to people from here, I tried many tools, for a time I posted numornum times a day, I had good streaks, I fell, I had bad streaks, I fell. I did well then I fell. At some point, I said that although I have made so much progress and have learnt so many new tactics, if I don't try something different/new I will be going in this viscous cycle my entire life! I wasn't willing to sit back and just ignore that fact, and in truth my entire life has changed for the better during the last 8 months since I joined. In business, family life, and my emotional life..

Hatzlachasg
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: A struggling bochur 04 Aug 2019 16:13 #342685

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Hi, 
Just want to share some experience that before I attended a live meeting I also thought the world would come to an end when I walked in. Maybe I would know someone (I did:) ), maybe someone would know me, I would be mortified exposed etc. When I reached a point where I had to and went to my first SA meeting all I found was acceptance, caring, and people who related to me and I related to them 100% (ok and the occasional kvetch). It was scary in the beginning but is now the most natural thing in the world for me. And after about 16 years of struggling and just wanting to get sober or die I'm now sober with the help of SA almost 2 years. 
Point being for me it was one of the last lies I told myself that going to SA would be impossible when in reality it is the best most accepting place for me. And for me the only place I was able to recover.

Re: A struggling bochur 04 Aug 2019 16:39 #342686

Pretty much same for me, obviously i had to have courage to go, however after my last fall I was fed up with trying and falling and trying and falling and constantly lusting, so I was going to go to a SA meeting, however I met someone from gye which went to SMART, and so I go in order to learn how to stop.

For me It's about realizing, there's only one way ahead, and so I can choose between living a constant uncomfortable life without pushing my limits or push myself for a while and eventually have a comfortable life, I chose the latter....
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings  and been clean BH since 8 Sivan 5779.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 08 Aug 2019 21:56 #342765

Here I am entering my 3rd month being clean and entering my 3rd SMART recovery live meeting.

Trying to chap arein as most as possible before I'm married...
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings  and been clean BH since 8 Sivan 5779.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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