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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 45632 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 12 May 2019 04:21 #341077

Stam my taphsik shvauh was to give $75 to tzedaka if I act out. 

Tonight someone asks me if I want to buy a pair of tzizis for someone that agreed to start wearing one on Shabbos/Yom tov, and to buy him basic Jewish seforim. Hmmmm definitely will do that! 

זדונות נעשה כזכיות...
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 12 May 2019 04:49 #341079

  • Markz
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דבר אל בנ״י ואמרת עליהם ועשו להם תפסיק...
My Story---------Dov Quotes


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Re: A struggling bochur 12 May 2019 04:57 #341080

S&K (Its shorter than Schnitzel and Kugel...) I just to start for thanking you for your encouragement when I first started! You were one of the reasons I am sober today, you were so encouraging and were a living example of what I was trying to accomplish. The fact that you got as far as you did can never be taken away from you! It was a serious building block and foundation that you are still building on. 

I read a bunch of these past posts and I just want to say one thing, and I hope I am not misunderstood. Being clean is something you have to want and do on your own (With Hashem's help). All these tools are just support to keep you from falling on the way. They are like training wheels. You can put training wheels on a bike, but if the child doesn't petal he won't go anywhere. But after learning to petal you can take of the training wheels and with a guiding hand and eventually on his own, the child will be riding along with confidence. All along it was the child riding and directing the bike, not the training wheels and not the parents guiding hand. 

I would just recommend thinking about your "why" and seeing what it will take to get where you want to go. You have to be very honest with yourself about where you are and where you are going. Also, no matter what happens Hashem will still give you challenges and that is okay. HASHEM LOVES YOU! That is why we have challenges, don't forget that.  

Re: A struggling bochur 12 May 2019 23:41 #341087

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REM if I where to summarize.

If we want to be clean only because its wrong to act out, we probably won't have much sobriety.

Is that what you where getting at?

Re: A struggling bochur 13 May 2019 00:09 #341088

Now I'm beginning to understand dov's point how the forums are not the best tool... I don't recall ever saying that my sobriety is based on the fact that it's wrong, in fact I've said the opposite on my and other threads, I don't praticaly care whether it's an עבירה or not, I want to stay clean cuz I want to live life, stay sane, and not be a slave to lust. 

Seems like people are misunderstanding me...

With that being said, I think it's time for me to move on from posting on the forums constantly, and start calling/meeting people. 

I'm not going to live meetings as of now, i spoke with Michael from PA which believes I don't need to take that step.

See you,
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 13 May 2019 00:11 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 13 May 2019 04:21 #341091

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 13 May 2019 00:09:
Now I'm beginning to understand dov's point how the forums are not the best tool... I don't recall ever saying that...

That is unless you misunderstood dov because you only read his post and didn't talk to him

jokes aside, I think dovs issue with the forum is alot more than just miscommunication...

Anyway  for what it's worth  agree with your assertion that u should move on to calling/meeting

Re: A struggling bochur 13 May 2019 11:27 #341094

No"Shnitzel wrote on 12 May 2019 04:21:
Stam my taphsik shvauh was to give $75 to tzedaka if I act out. 

Tonight someone asks me if I want to buy a pair of tzizis for someone that agreed to start wearing one on Shabbos/Yom tov, and to buy him basic Jewish seforim. Hmmmm definitely will do that! 

זדונות נעשה כזכיות...

Nice job mate!

Re: A struggling bochur 16 May 2019 16:57 #341228

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Markz wrote on 12 May 2019 04:49:
דבר אל בנ״י ואמרת עליהם ועשו להם תפסיק...

A leitzanus is docheh a hundred tochachos.. but Mark, your witticisms  are mamash mechaye meisim for me at least.. Thanks!  
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: A struggling bochur 31 May 2019 05:56 #341555

Just a suggestion for all those bochurim that nebech can't afford therapy, do what I'm doing...
get yourself a good paying summer job, not in a camp which pays you $15 a month;) but a job which pays $15+ an hour and you'll have some extras cash..

Your afraid what you're friends will say? Long ago that stopped bothering me... Question is if your really looking to get help....

Obviously you get it approved by your Rav like I did.. 
... ולא באתי אלא להעיר 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Jun 2019 06:15 #341656

Another fall... And then right away another climb up..
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Jun 2019 13:02 #341659

Sometimes our biggest mistake is living in fear that we are going to make one. So, it's important not to blow our setbacks out of proportion. Sometimes our reaction to a setback is worse than the setback itself. Anyways, sounds like your attitude is great. Godspeed!

Re: A struggling bochur 11 Jun 2019 05:44 #341691

On Friday someone was telling me how he went to this restaurant in NYC called "holy shnitzel" I burst out laughing:joy:

Then i was talking to my mother and heard her telling my sister to take some shnitzel and Kugel from the kitchen... 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 11 Jun 2019 05:55 #341692

Was chatting with someone on gye tonight and he asked me if I was ever molested so I said no.. then I remembered..

When I was like 6/7 I was in the bath together with my brother and he touched my private parts to gain pleasure from it.

It was with my consent so I don't have that guilty feeling that I was molested however I'm not sure if that incident has left a mark on me which subconsciously causes me issues including the desire in acting out etc...
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 12 Jun 2019 03:22 #341704

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I highly doubt it has anything to do with it. If the memory doesn't evoke negative or hurt/guilty feelings, then it's probably not related.

Then again, that's just my take!
Feel free to reach out (via email or PM) anytime so we can inspire each other to prevail in this struggle.

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Re: A struggling bochur 12 Jun 2019 04:25 #341707

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ive had stronger incidents and i second anon.
ask gevurah shebiyesod he is the resident expert on this stuff.
btw this too is just my take.
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817
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