Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

A struggling bochur
(0 viewing) 
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: A struggling bochur 57357 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 17 Mar 2019 06:19 #339749

  • mggsbms
  • Current streak: 10 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 484
  • Karma: 41
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 17 Mar 2019 05:18:
I don't think they'll be blaming "shnitzel" for exposing their son, however like I wrote earlier on, they might want to freeze their connection with me even though they think highly of me as I've helped their son out tremendously in the past..

My therapist said I can tell them I have a friend who struggles, but want to hear opinions from people on gye...

I'm just trying to figure out what I'll be losing out if I say "oh I have a friend who struggles, and he told me he was also exposed and he has done such and such to get help"

This reminds me of the story of the chasid that was embarrassed to ask a certain question from his rebbe so he asked the question in the name of his friend who is too embarrassed to ask himself. The rebbe caught on and asked the chasid why couldn't your friend ask the question himself and say his friend sent him...
My two cents, the parents will probably not buy into the friend story and will not appreciate your dishonesty which will make them suspicious. I say keep yourself out of the equation and let the therapist deal with it.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2019 06:22 by mggsbms.

Re: A struggling bochur 17 Mar 2019 06:23 #339750

  • doingtshuva
  • Current streak: 14 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Being curious made me lust !!!
  • Posts: 759
  • Karma: 31
I once heard a Shiur on Shulem Beis and the Rabbi started that he believes that everybody here today has come for there children, wife or extended family. Everyone was laughing.
Who are we fooling?

I see that you want so strong to tell them that you have friend that is struggling, so whats the big deal? Why don't you trust your therapist??
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: A struggling bochur 17 Mar 2019 06:35 #339751

Mggsbms I believe that story happened with the rebbe maharash of lubavitch but lol very well said that they'll get suspicious.

And doing teshuvah my therapist isn't a sex therapist and doesn't specialize in this field, so in dealing with emotions he's awesome! In dealing with pornography addicts he ain't that experienced..
in our case, he can help the kid get rid of depression, build self esteem etc but to stop from viewing inappropriate stuff, there might be people who are better off...
Feel free to pm me, currently a lucky choson which merited to have discovered gye 1.5 years ago which BH totally changed my life from one extreme to the other!

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2019 06:37 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 17 Mar 2019 12:40 #339753

  • cordnoy
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11283
  • Karma: 521
Us "addicts" like to fix the world. If we can't fix it, we like to orchestrate the help provided.

Many who join gye know this feelin' well. As soon as they author their very first post, or immediately after reachin' 17 days clean, they are the "chat-sobriety-guru." It makes us feel better about our problems/issues.

Read step 12 in the white book please. Others should as well.

Godspeed to all (especially to me).
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2019 12:45 by cordnoy.

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Mar 2019 11:31 #339769

  • Hashem Help Me
  • Current streak: 1071 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1942
It is very noble to want to help others to the extent that you are considering sharing your own personal struggles. There is a big difference between having told them that you went to a therapist to learn how to deal with emotional issues - which has become much more acceptable (and even respected) in society than in the past, and sharing your "kedusha challenges" which are still misunderstood by many - and viewed as evil instead of as an illness/ingrained habit. As others have stated, there is a risk that it will be misunderstood, especially by parents who at the moment are hysterical.  When do we share that info? When we see someone reaching out for help with sincerity. If at some point you detect that this talmid is really looking to be helped (not forced by parents etc), at that point you should make a judgement call of whether to spill the beans or not. Each case is different, so choose wisely.  Be proud that you want to help. You are b'ezras Hashem saving this boy years of unnecessary suffering. Hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Mar 2019 13:11 #339772

Exceptionally well written! What will we do without hhm?
Feel free to pm me, currently a lucky choson which merited to have discovered gye 1.5 years ago which BH totally changed my life from one extreme to the other!

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Mar 2019 19:29 #339791

Ok, told the parents info of my therapist and told them some info what I know in general about pornography.. turns out this kid was exposed at age 8!! By some cruel and mean "friend", i told them about this site...


Yikes!! They might see my forum...
Feel free to pm me, currently a lucky choson which merited to have discovered gye 1.5 years ago which BH totally changed my life from one extreme to the other!

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Mar 2019 19:30 #339792

Now I'm butting out and focusing on "shnitzel" and as my Rav said "if you can't help him, at least help yourself"
Day 16!
Feel free to pm me, currently a lucky choson which merited to have discovered gye 1.5 years ago which BH totally changed my life from one extreme to the other!

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 19 Mar 2019 00:01 #339799

  • doingtshuva
  • Current streak: 14 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Being curious made me lust !!!
  • Posts: 759
  • Karma: 31
Your doing great.
Actually we help ourselves by helping others.
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: A struggling bochur 19 Mar 2019 00:04 #339800

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 2 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7212
  • Karma: 373
True 

but

Actually we truly help others by helping ourselves
My Story---------Dov Quotes


What works for me:
ForumInternet Restrictions




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: A struggling bochur 19 Mar 2019 00:38 #339802

  • doingtshuva
  • Current streak: 14 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Being curious made me lust !!!
  • Posts: 759
  • Karma: 31
Markz wrote on 19 Mar 2019 00:04:
True 

but

Actually we truly help others by helping ourselves

You mean we help (save) the people around us? Wife kids and etc'?
Oh are you right!
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


Gye program + Handbook  -  Phone conferences  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 03:45 #339840

What exactly is recovery for an addict? If this is a life long fight, what does recovery mean exactly?

Million dollar question...

Can someone please fill me in... Shnitz is such a עם הארץ...
Feel free to pm me, currently a lucky choson which merited to have discovered gye 1.5 years ago which BH totally changed my life from one extreme to the other!

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 05:14 #339842

  • Shteigen613
  • Current streak: 105 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 25
  • Karma: 1
You made the right move. Lets say you revealed to parents that you have/had kedusha issues, they may suspect that you will be the next person to expose their son to pornography. 
in addition, you are a proffesional rebbe. As a general rule, therapist, and other proffessionals, do not share their personal struggles with clients. For a good reason- it's because the therapy is about the client, not the therapist. A therapist may get divorced, have tremendous personal trauma, and the client will never know.
(Just stuff what I've read).
I dont think the family has much to gain by hearing that you have, or had lust issues.
does the mom realy need to hear or imagine that you may be lusting over her? 
that may totally kill any possibility of you helping this bochur.
hatzlacha 

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 05:23 #339843

does the mom realy need to hear or imagine that you may be lusting over her? 
that may totally kill any possibility of you helping this bochur.
hatzlacha

That was probably the main factor why I didn't say! Spot on!
Feel free to pm me, currently a lucky choson which merited to have discovered gye 1.5 years ago which BH totally changed my life from one extreme to the other!

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 05:42 #339844

  • Hakolhevel
  • Current streak: 7 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 254
  • Karma: 22
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 20 Mar 2019 03:45:
What exactly is recovery for an addict? If this is a life long fight, what does recovery mean exactly?

Million dollar question...

Can someone please fill me in... Shnitz is such a עם הארץ...

Is this a theoretical question, or have you or someone else dec8ded that you are a addict. ( Or maybe your asking for a friend who is an addict:)

On your thread till this point you have described yourself as a non addict.

Just clarifying as in general it's more important to answer the one asking the question then to answer the question itself
Time to create page: 0.63 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes