gibbor120 wrote on 24 Jan 2018 14:03:
Welcome! I can totally relate. I was in exactly your position. Unfortunately, it took my wife catching me for me to change. But, I did not really change until finding this wonderful site. Use it's resources. Check out the handbook. Keep posting. NEVER EVER GIVE UP. I acted out for over 2 decades. I had all but given up hope. I'm now sober for 8 1/2 years. So many have been helped here. You can be too. I wish you all the best!
Thanks, I would love to hear more of your story, if you are up for sharing.
Hi,
I am relatively new to this site. I found it by "accident" about a month ago. I eagerly read a ton of material (way to much to digest - but it was so interesting). I felt a bit funny about posting on an online forum, so I contacted a couple of the moderators through PM or email first. My job does not usually keep me very busy, so I have been reading a lot of the posts on the forum during the day. I must say that you guys make me laugh quite a bit, and that's without going to the "Depressed Person's Chill Spot". Some of that stuff really made me laugh out loud - at work!
Why do I call this "My First Real Post"? Because I just couldn't resist and did post a joke already. The reason I am writing now is that I do sometimes feel like chiming in on a conversation, but think it's a bit rude to just chime in without introducing myself.
So here goes...
I grew up in a modern orthodox environment. I had access to TV, Movies, etc. As I got older, I got access to progressively worse movies. You all know the story. I began masurbating and looking for anything to trigger me. I think the first time I tried to seriously stop when I went to Yeshiva (after high school). I was one the roller coaster. I could stop for a time, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, sometimes even a few months, but I could never quit completely.
I got married, and that helped a bit for a short while. But again, as you know, marriage didn't ultimately help me. I didn't even have internet until after I was married, and as you can imagine, it made things much worse. I went through periods of relative calm, and periods of insanity, where I just needed more and more.
Finally, a couple of years ago, my wife found out. I knew I would get caught eventually, and deep down, I think I wanted to get caught - although it was mighty painful at the time! I knew that I had no chance of winning on my own. Now at least I had a chance.
We spoke with our rav and made some gedarim. It hasn't always been easy, but I have managed to stay clean for over 2 years. When I foudn this site a short while ago, it made so many things click. It clarified so many issues for me (don't worry, I have an unlimited supply of issues that I am unclear about
). I shared the material with my wife as well, and I felt able to open up a lot more. We made a lot of progress just from the material on this site. I have become more willing to share, and she has become more understanding.
I am not really the type to post on online forums. Many of them are filled with sarcasm and cynicism and are generally negative. I have been reading for a while and you guys are really first class. You are warm, loving, accepting, and non judgemental. That's the only reason I feel comfortable posting here.
Keep up the good work!