B"H

Rabbosai,

I'm grateful there exists a possibility to try to deal with what's been going on inside me for a long time - like an inner hell which appeared to be completely taboo to try to discuss.  I'm not sure how comfortable I'll be doing it, but I'm hoping that at least having gone this far, might spur some kind of awakening and way to halt my backsliding.  I'm also concerned not to communicate with those with whom the contact would not be mutually kadai for the goal of getting over this terrible avairah.
Yeyasher koach and wishes for a gut gebenscht year of less struggling and greater recovery, IY"H.  Maybe we're the ones that can make such great strides that Mashiach will come in our zechus, IY"H.

Welcome to the #BeisHamikdash

Welcome!  Take it slow.  Baby steps.   Sharing is hard at first, but it gets easier.  It is very important.  Check out the handbook, and keep on posting.