This is my background. I am Bh happily married with a handful  kids. People that visit our home are right away impressed by the marriage my wife and I have. am a working man, but prior to that I was in Kollel for more than 5 years.  I daven with minyan, and am considered a frum bal habos. That being said, I have my struggles. It started when I was young. Probably 9-10 yrs old. Some of my friends introduced me to the "birds and the bees." Like all other kids my curiosity was peaked. I stared to explore some more. One thing led to the next and eventually at around 12-13 I was being motzi zera on a regular basis. This continued fir a while. In addition,  I have a bit of a girly side to me, and some guys picked up on it. Eventually in led to other things, including intercourse with men. Throughout my early teen years I struggled with that . I have had realtionships with more than 5 guys! At the age if 20 I stopped being motzi zera activly (in other words using my hands) but if it happend by watching porn, I was ok with that). To this day my struggle in specifically with gay pron. I do want to point out, I have relations with my wife and very much enjoy it. I guess today's day and age I would be labeled as bi-sexual. My addiction, is not severe. I can go weeks without watching porn, but when I'm down, I'll go a few days of watching porn. I never have paid for porn, and hope never to be thy desperate. I hate myself for it. Anytime I do watch porn, I have this huge fear of being caught and how it would wreck my marriage/life, but like I'm sure you all know to well, it's way to hard to just snap out of it...

Welcome. I completely get the starting at an early age and kind of living a double life within the community. There is a different forum for things more specific to yours but it doesn't really matter which you use. Whatever you want. There are many great resources on GYE. Find what works for you. 

Actually having a little bit of hard time navigating the site. Any tips for a new comer?

A good place to start is "My Personal Homepage". It outlines most of the program in a more personal way. You can also go through all of the options on the top of the page and see if anything interests you. You can also read around some of the other posts. You should also watch the GYE video if you haven't already. 

abd297 wrote on 22 Aug 2017 01:46:

It's in my signature below

Or did you mean this one?

Msms wrote on 21 Aug 2017 21:48:

Welcome aboard! Thank you for being so open. It can be very difficult for some people to open up regarding these matters. You mentioned that at times you struggle with SSA. Perhaps Abd297 was referring to the SSA forum, which you can see by clicking  HERE.
 In either case I wish on you much הצלחה in this endeavor.

bb

I was referring to SSA. Doesn't really matter, people talk about whatever they want wherever they want for the most. I personally found it easier to just stick with one thread.

Welcome!  Your struggle is not uncommon.  Check out the handbook and tools and keep on posting.  This is a place where you can be understood.