I am a Baal teshuva that has been struggling with this problem since I've been back on the path and wondered if I would ever be able to move past it.

Honestly, in the secular world, it isn't viewed as a problem! Growing up I didn't know that this was something I shouldn't do. People make jokes, it's a common conversation center, and one would never think that this was pulling me further away from the light. If I'm truly honest with myself, I stated masturbating at 8 years old and have been looking at pornography for I can't even remember how long. I'm 27 now and my head remembers so many things and my eyes follow women when I see them, despite my efforts to control them. Before I was frum (or trying to be), I had an active sexual lifestyle, from high school, through college, and since graduating college, it all felt normal and is told by friends, colleagues, even my parents encouraged the activity. Now that I am more observant, it drives my crazy how many thoughts I have throughout the day! I'm in yeshiva now, and when I'm learning and in the holy environment, it's easy to stay strong. However, when we have a wedding or l'chaim, or whatever, take a random trip anywhere, to Shoprite or Walmart, my eyes don't listen to my heart and they follow what they were used to following. And not only that, but if I am away from yeshiva for a prolonged period of time, especially if I visit where I lived pre-yeshiva, I find myself frequenting places I used to hang out or unblocking old contacts in my phone to meet up in secret. This then creates a raging war inside my head, inside my heart, and it drives me to a point of feeling utterly confused and sick. I haven't tried everything on this website yet, I just signed up for the 90 day challenge, and I'm hopeful that I can continue from strength to strength to overcome this problem. 

Hopefully, with HaShem' help, we can all look forward to brighter days !

Guardyoureyez@gmail.com

Welcome!!
This is a great place to share their are many people who have been in similar places and have brken out using this website. Find what works for you maybe check the GYE handbook. Post any questions someone will probably answer and just post to keep us updated.
Good Luck!!!!!!

Thank you for sharing. 

I am 25 and also a Baal Tshuva and relate to exactly what you wrote in terms of how in my culture this is normal. 

You can email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

Welcome. Your courage is incredible and admirable. People like you break free b'ezras Hashem. Maybe you could say a short tefillah when you know you will be in a challenging place. Also make a plan what to do if you get triggered. Start thanking Hashem for all the good He does for you, or some similar idea. Keep posting and stay connected. The koach hatzibbur is aweome.   One last point. I cant even imagine the simcha in shomayim generated by one who voluntarily gave up an active sexual lifestyle in this age of decadent immorality. You are bringing moshiach.

Welcome!  It's nice to have you with us.  Have you ever discussed this with a rebbi, friend, or anyone else you trust?  This is a VERY common problem in general, and certainly for a baal teshuvah.  Who  helped you with teshuva? They are certainly familiar with this problem.  Can you speak with them?

Wow thanks for all the encouraging responses! I have spoken about this with a mashpia and they said I have to 'stop looking at women like they're red meat'. On the surface, that might not seem like the most constructive advice to give someone but it came from a good place and someone that knows me well enough to be as blunt and crass. I have had a rabbi here in yeshiva who I asked to block certain things on my phone with a passcode that he only knows but YouTube is full of things that can avert this parental blocks. I'm waiting for the hard copy of the GYE handbook to come in the mail and plan on reading it as soon as I get it. I'm happy to know there's a community here for support. 

Hatzlacha!!!!

Guardingeyez wrote on 06 Jul 2017 20:18:

Have you considered blocking YouTube as well?

Guardingeyez wrote on 06 Jul 2017 20:18:

The Handbook actually is available for free download thanks to Yaacov and you have the whole of today to get thru it cover to cover

Filters and counting days etc for many of us is just a game. You win some and lose some.
That's if you want to live a life of playing around. When actually it's more like a life of fooling around.
That's what I understood from dov who I'm sure you've heard about ;-)