Sorry to hear of your struggle. It may be hard but it'll perfect you.

Don't be bewildered that the struggle still exists even though you're getting older. I find my struggle matured as I did. It has more etiquette... more finishe to it. It was sophisticated. But a struggle all the same.

Your honesty is incredible. Your suffering intense. Have you tried therapy?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 17 Jul 2017 21:39:

I have not yet, but considering. 

If you can find a good therapist, it might really help.

Thanks for all your advise.

I just fell again.

Too busy with school stuff right now to see a therapist. But if things are not better towards end of summer when I am done with school stuff I will see a therapist. 

In the meantime my plan right now is to do what Markz advised me a little bit ago. Fight with my relatives on whose stuff I keep on falling to get them restricted.  I am an idiot I should of fought with them a while ago. 

Thanks for all the help guys.

bear wrote on 19 Jul 2017 08:16:

I assume you're referring to THIS post
which I wrote mostly in jest

Controlling other people etc is something we all love to do.

IF you do happen to ask your sister something, here's a practical thing I suggest you say

Dear sister,
I appreciate you allowing me on your iPod, but once I start, I get too involved.
I don't want to be going on it at all

Could you do me a small favor and change the device password so I will have one less struggle in my day.
Thank you so much!

Markz wrote on 28 Jun 2017 23:46:

Im referring to this one. I have not been falling on my sisters ipod lately, rather other peoples stuff. But either way same idea holds true. I need to get them restricted. 

My gifts of manipulation and creativity got me into this problem. now im gann use them to get me out. by getting my families stuff restricted. 

First off, i hear a lot of self pity! Self pity is very dangerous for me. 

For me manipulation has not helped me in recovery, honesty has. 

Also, in my experience i have found that focusing on the solution helps way more than focusing on the problem. 

Too busy for school work to see a therapist!! Or too busy with porn and masturbation to see a therapist?

Thanks for the post.

I think my self pity might just be honesty. Please tell me if you disagree. 

​I hear what you are saying about honesty being better than manipulation. But I am not able to go to my parents and siblings and say "look I have a problem and I need you to start restricting stuff.(which should of been restricted to begin with)". It is a lot easer to working a creative way to get it restricted. So far  today, I have got what i feel on the past couple of times restricted. Though when I talk to my friend who can relate to me on this issue I aim to be completely honest. And I have the same plan if I talk to anyone else who I want to and think can help me. So I am not always completely honest. When I see reason I am completely.  But I am not going to tell my parents I have this issue. And I am not going to start taking about my struggle to everyone. I think everyone in GYE has people they feel its wise talking to and those they do not. The people you feel it is wise talking to, you should always be honest with even if it is extremely uncomfortable. While those you do not think it is wise to talk to, do not. And if you are falling on their stuff, find a way to get them to restrict it without opening up. 

I like what you wrote about focusing on the solution more than focusing on the problem. I have to internalize that. 

​The honest truth is, i really do not have enough time for therapist right now. It is also true I do not have time for prn right now(as if there is ever a good time for prn). My biggest trigger right now is my school related work. If I see a therapist right now, I will only fall more behind and gain much more triggers. I think a therapist can be very productive, but i think to go right now will be destructive. 

Also just random side point, being that i hear you point about honesty and want to give full disclosure. I am not sure why this is the case, sometimes it really keeps me up wondering why this is the case. but I have watched a ton of shmutz and generally I do not masterbate while watching. (of course i have tons of wet dreams, but generally speaking I do not masterbate.) I think this might be because i was always scared of trying and so since i never really tried it, i never became pulled into it. Or maybe I just do not like the idea of having sex with myself(not that just watching porn is much better). In a wierd sort of way, I wonder if it is a sign of a problem C'V' that i do not generally masterbate. (off the cuff i can only think of one possible case were i purposely masterbated.)

Also what i generally watch is not necessarily people being intimate. All I really look for is nudity .

The last two points were really awkward to write. But i hear your honesty point. 

Thanks so much for your post, it is much appreciated. If you think my response is off the mark, please please tell me. 
Thanks

Using your idea of focusing on solution:
My strategy right now is try to get as many things in the house restricted. Get the school work over with. Than see were I am holding to decide how to precede, example therapy, no therapy, or something else. 

ok just to update, got the other thing restricted. only thing left now is my sisters ipod. Prob is ipod is sort of broken so i do not think there is anything that can be done about that. But at end of day in terms of reducing challenges there are a lot less. and i did my hishtadlut. gatta see if something can be done about sisters ipod.

Your honesty is amazing. I give you a lot of credit. 

bear wrote on 20 Jul 2017 01:12:

Look, [do not guardyoureyes from this] I think it's important to build fences, but for a guy like me [self diagnosed non addict], the same way I [capital eye] restricted this and that, i can just as easily tear them down

A fence is a fence is a fence, and all devices should have. 
If it works for you, great!

To paraphrase markz, if i really want to find lust, then i will find it