Thank you lion! Very interesting. I hope you will find more dry roads ahead so you don't slip as much! 

Good luck!

DAY #1

Recently on the forum some people mentioned that posting everyday their progress helps them. Going to try.

Today is Day 1.
I didn't look at porn or masturbate yesterday or the day before, as a matter of fact, Thank God, I didn't even have a struggle recently. However every day is day 1.

Hatzlocha Rabba!

lionking wrote on 03 Nov 2017 17:55:

Welcome to the crazy club

Markz wrote on 03 Nov 2017 18:52:

My path to INSANITY

I have been falling lately without even an understandable reason. I wasn't even feeling I should stop, just kept on porning, lusting, masturbating... Today I think it finally hit me, the last week I have been progressing worse. I'm afraid If I don't stop, I'll end up with massage parlours, clubs, prostitutes. I really need to get a handle on myself and start living. Going to reach out to offline people and try to stay connected. That used to work for me. Isolation is an excellent breeding ground for lust to multiply. 

Oh vey!


What does this mean?

LoveU,Hashem wrote on 20 Nov 2017 22:54:

First of all, I must thank god B"H for my continued success so far. I feel like The truck is no longer stuck and on the right path.
I meant to write, I used to blame my falling on different triggers, like stress, tiredness, not feeling well, depression, etc... Last week was lust for the sake of lust.
Wishing everyone continued Hatzlocha.

lionking wrote on 23 Nov 2017 04:09:

Hatzlacha!!

I feel the same. So now that stress, depression, tiredness is out of the way, how do we deal with big fat Lust ??

We plan in advance what to do when it rears its ugly head. And we atart training ourselves to realize that its a big fat NOTHING.

Today I knew was going to be a stressful day. I planned for it and focused on staying calm and relaxed. This morning I woke up and noticed my Wife has spent time, money and effort to do something which I told her numerous times was unnecessary and not to my liking. I felt the resentment rising up my throat.
Instead of commenting about it, I went back to the room and told her how beautiful everything looks, and how much I appreciate it. I hope her being half asleep helped she shouldn't sense that I wasn't sincere. Maybe one day I will be able to sincerely say something and it shouldn't even bother me.
Good Shabbos everyone!

lionking wrote on 24 Nov 2017 18:42:

In my opinion this helps for both, to eliminate stress & the urge to act out.

I haven't updated in a while. B"H the past few weeks were much better, even though I fell beginning of this week. I have masturbated in a half sleep trance, however I only considered it a fall for the chart's sake, internally I didn't process it as a fall.
As a matter of fact I should probably consider it a victory, since I had with me an unfiltered smartphone and I didn't try to access porn on it, which was a standard in the past.I think I am going to chose the third option, and not consider it anything and just keep on trucking along. Git Shabbos everyone.

Masturbating in a half sleeping trance may technically be a fall, but it definitely is not the same as one who consciously does the action from beginning to end. As we head into recovery our bodies and mind, due to withdrawal from our drug, bring on wet dreams, erections, etc. Our bodies are so used to that release that it takes time to reprogram the subconscious part of us. What you are experiencing is par for the course. As long as after such incidents you dont consciously act out again, you are still on a serious recovery path. Some would unfortunately act out a second time right away, experiencing yi'ush (despair). Fortunately it appears you have realized all of this yourself. So just keep on moving as if nothing happened. Have a great geshmak and clean Shabbos.

In my opinion you made 3 fantastic decisions:
1) You considered it a fall even if it would probably not happen if you'd be awake. (After all we wanna have clean nights too...)
2) you considered a win that you didn't have a real fall, also that you know by yourself that it's not a real fall.
3) to leave it & move on (best decision!)