Hi,
A bit hesitant never joined a chat room before.
As someone who had tremendous porn/inappropriate material challenges as a Bocher for 10 years  with MZL,
Thank G-d kicked the MZL that then after a major trauma in my life.
Now however I find myself 15-20 years down the track with recurring desires to view inappropriate material which flares up ever couple of weeks.
Now my wife is getting upset she says she is 'unattracted' when I fall e.g. On my phone late at night... so I just joined GYE and am hopeful it will work.

Welcome, chaver. You've come to the right place.

Keep posting, keep involved. You'll find good advice here. Look around the site for tools that could help you. Read some people's 90 day success stories to see what worked for them.

Your wife obviously knows the stuff you do, I assume. How much have you disclosed? It's good for accountability. She feels "unattracted"? Like she doesn't want to be with you? Understandable. Haha, sounds like you're getting off easily. My wife would have my head!!

mussarman318 wrote on 21 Feb 2017 06:01:


Welcome.
So how has mussar impacted lusting?

Hi really appreciate your response. It's interesting I could have a good stretch for a while and then fall into a rut and try to pretend everything is okay but eventually she figures out something isn't right and/or I come around and confess.
As Karma mentioned she has been letting me off easy until recently she has had enough and is getting tough!!!
help!!!

Hi Markz 21,
Thanks for your response.
As far as mussar I am hopeful that learning mussar as Reb Yisroel Salanter envisioned e.g. With a feeling,review and analysis a loud voice you know Yeshiva style mussar could help with this as it has helped me with outer middos problems over the years such as jealousy.
However truth to be told when it comes to addiction as like this I feel it may not be enough...

mussarman318 wrote on 21 Feb 2017 14:01:

If you're a real addict, it might not be enough. But you don't sound so addicted

Welcome!  I found the mussar model did not help me.  Check out the handbook.  What are your triggers?  Is there something stressing you?  Negative emotions can be the biggest triggers, anger, jealousy, lonliness, stress, depression.  What changed?

Check out Dr. Sorotzkin.  I have a link in my signature.  He has an article on the psycological factors of acting out.  It may enlighten you.

Keep posting.