great news here 
after listening to dov's workshop for two weeks i started seeing how much resentment i have 
especially in marriage so i went out with my wife one morning to talk to her about things
and we started really connecting finally i just blurted everything that for the past 2 years i have been struggling with porn and lust 
b"h she took it really well she told me she knew something was going on and she is relieved i am doing something about it
i felt this week like a huge load came off my back and i was flying for the past 3 days with out any lustful thoughts
but i wont fool myself i obviously need to continue working on this with listening and reading the forum daily because this is what is working for me it just took a huge pressure off of me that makes it all that easier
thank you hashem for such an understanding wife 
that is bloak underappreciates

tzomah wrote on 28 Dec 2017 09:53:

"i am doing something about it"
And what is that pray tell

Good to hear, it takes a heavy weight of the shoulders if the person you live with knows about it. I hope it continues that way.

Markz wrote on 28 Dec 2017 14:06:

please explain the question cuz it seems no matter what people say here there is always someone asking them what are you doing about it as if there is some trick you gotta do or else your not doing anything
and to say i am  TRUCKING doesn't mean i am doing anything

tzomah wrote on 29 Dec 2017 10:15:

your wife is relieved that you're "listening and reading the forum daily"?
you didn't share anything else...

no my wife is relieved she aint the only one with problems 
and i told her openly i realize how i made her feel like that for the past two years 
she told me that she knows me and she knows i would do something about this in other words she trusts me 
should she i hope so 
i don't think i am an addict she knows and i know when this became a real problem 
the 1st 5 years of marriage i didn't masturbate or watch porn we are married 7 years
i also told her what i have been doing for the past year in other words i spoke to people on the phone i email people every day 
and instead of watching porn daily i fell 3 times in the past 3 months and it wasn't after many hours 
this past week was the cleanest week i had in the past 2 years 
so i'd assume something is working i don't i need to analyze what that is

b"h doing pretty good 
although still feel lustful at times learning how to stay connected 
i will iy"h start calling people when i feel a struggle 
great trhings are happening 
gut shabbos to all

just checking in here on my thread 
b"h life is great
a gut chodesh to all

would like to share a great story i heard in the name of r' shalom schwadron that he knew someone that struggled with shmiras einayim 
then this man lost his eyesight so his friends told him at least one problem is gone 
the man answered you don't understand till now a girl was a girl and a bush was a bush now every bush is a girl.......................

the rebbe milublin (chozeh) was once saying all his chisronos and how he is on a low madreigah etc and he doesn't know how he is going to stand in front of the kisei hakovod

his talmidim told him not to worry they will come and say witness to his greatness and high madreigah
      he answered that is very nice but then they will turn to me and say itzik'l and what do you hold of yourself.........................

tzomah wrote on 30 Dec 2017 20:10:

I’d like to politely disagree.
If you are content with falling here and there as long as you’re not falling daily, if you are content with being so-so, if you’re content with having a pretty good relationship with you’re wife, then by all means continue what you’re doing.

But if you’re looking to really come clean and really distance yourself from these behaviors, I think analysis of what works and what doesn’t work is quite frankly exactly what you need to be doing.

Sharing this stuff with your wife was an awesome step. For me personally, I find that opening up with someone who you respect and care about is liberating, and it feels amazing. Sometimes I wish I could reproduce that feeling of liberation. But if you want to continue to grow, and why shouldn’t you, Don’t settle for so-so. Don’t assume that you have done enough. I think there’s so much that you can gain by learning about what triggers you and what works for you. There is so much to gain by just educating yourself about the nature of what it is you’re fighting against.

Keep us posted, b’eh you will have a ton of growth in these areas.

thank you
i will clarify i meant if something is working i definitely will continue doing it and other things also
i just don't think it is necessary and can maybe self destructive to pschycoanalyze every last thing why it works it is often enough to acknoledge that it works and keep on moving 
but definitely not to be complacent
for example talking to hashem helps why it helps is a great philishophical disscusion that many people myself included love to have and then they do nothing
the main thing is to do what works
not have information although it's important lo hamedrash ikar elah hamasseh
it took me a long to time to realize that and i still need to work on it
as for an update the last 2 weeks have been totally clean b"h 
meaning no walks (cruising)
no youtube 
no movies 
keeping my eyes off women in the streets

why i am in touch with people from gye 
one person live (lifesaving)
i have backup phone numbers in case of emergency
i started using my wifes computer only (it is slowly becoming mine)

and life is great like this 
thank you all it's because of you

tzomah wrote on 01 Feb 2018 12:06:

Maybe it’s not necessary, but why would it be self-destructive?

Also, just pointing out that if your wife’s computer is slowly becoming yours, then it will lose the advantage of being your wife’s computer. So be careful with that


Happy to hear that you’re enjoying the sober life. Thats awesome.

i think it is self destructive to get stuck in your head it is great to analyze to an extent but
 if you can't stop it may cause you to run for a fix of the great escape

your right about it has the advantage as i don't know the password

it is definitely awesome to enjoy the sober life

just a thought 
secrecy is geneivah privacy is tznius