tzomah wrote on 19 Nov 2017 16:52:

Tzomah is it possible that by many of us the actress is more real to us than Gd is?

could be

Markz wrote on 19 Nov 2017 17:15:

So you say "possibly"
So then maybe we worship them in place of Gd too?  As dov says here

Behatzlaja!

Hi, I'm only here a few days & yes I had a fall in that time (actually I'm happy it's only one) & I'm far from an expert.
But seems to me that you give too much attention to yourself, you do not deserve it! Why would you care how you feel?! Make your goals & boundaries try to stick to it & if you have a fall get up ASAP & try to move fwd.
I'm not saying that the mood is not bringing the problems, just don't focus on them since this will only make you weaker.
i can relate to much of the things you wrote & what I'm writing now is what I'm always telling myself, if it wasn't the right words for you just MOVE ON...

i hear ya
although i don't think either extreme is good much of the acting out for is an escape from how i feel 
but you are right that obsessing over how i feel will just make me wanna escape and bring on a fall 
on the other hand if i ignore how i feel i will eventually explode 
so balance is the key here 
but you are making a good point thaks

I agree completely that balance is the key to how you should feel after acting out. Recently I tried to move on after falling and not let myself feel bad about it and I immediately fell again because I didn't feel guilty about it. It is important to be upset when acting out and to remember that feeling so you won't act out again but at the same time you need to make sure not to become so depressed that you act out again. 
Hopefully we can all find the way for us that will lead to success
Bhatzlacha

You're definitely right that you shouldn't ignore your feelings; you have to take care of them so you should feel better. Life is too short to give away a big portion of it for bad feelings..
But I think that you shouldn't think all the time how you feel now. You're right that I was extreme (I'm extreme by nature, on whatever I do bad or good...) but when you're on one extreme you have to think the other extreme in order to get things balanced.
Good luck

Growthoriented wrote on 01 Dec 2017 10:55:

First of all from my experience after a fall it's hard get back up so I don't consider it a new fall till I see that I'm back on track for a while.
I think that after a fall you should feel bad enough to urge you to take action for the better but if it gets to a level of atzvos/self pity it doesn't bring you any good. 
But in general it's not good to focus on your mood too much.

youcan wrote on 03 Dec 2017 05:00:

Perhaps I misunderstood, or maybe I just work differently, but when I fall, it can take me a while to get back up. But if it would all be considered 1 fall for me, once I fell, why would I ever stop, after all, it's the same fall?

bb0212 wrote on 03 Dec 2017 06:31:

We're both saying the same thing; when you fall it's hard to get back up. What I added is that even if you decided to stop & you fall again a short time after, it may be because you're still weak from the initial fall & it's not like you had a new fall, meaning that it's very possible that if you would have the same nisayon a day later it wouldn't be a big deal to overcome it.
The reason you should stop is simple, a fall is not an EZ pass from heaven a fall is a mistake.. once you realize it you have to get back on track, the fact that it's harder & you have a bigger chance to fail doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

youcan wrote on 03 Dec 2017 03:46:

as a saying i rcently saw goes
"i am an old man who experienced much pain most that never happened"

youcan wrote on 03 Dec 2017 07:42:

A big sign of serious recovery mode is that if one c"v falls, he stops and doesnt do it a second time. It means he has learned to have charata (feeling bad enough about what happened to actually do something about it), but stays away from yi'ush (the attitude of "throw in the towel and do it again" because anyway you're doomed to failure). It took me very long to internalize that difference, and once i did, things got much easier. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 03 Dec 2017 12:20:

This sounds like something for me to keep in mind. I almost wanna fall, just so that I can work on this... (that's a joke)

Markz wrote on 19 Nov 2017 17:15:

i just fell
and i realise what you r saying is so true 
i started listening to dov and i am realising how true it is that i adore women 
i think in my sick mind that they will somehow help me i never felt it like this the acting out this time had the weirdest feeling together with thism realisation but i have to realise i cannot help myself i cannot control this 
i will never win there is nothing to win i already lost it is time for me to give up and realise i need his help or i am gone
i hope i am not fooling myself but i never felt this before i really thought i need to fight and control it 
i can't