Hello Im a 24 year old single male who has done teshouva a little over two years ago, I was going out with a non jew for over two years and grew up secular and being exposed to sexuality on a constant basis. Since i did teshouva i have never masturabted again so im now two years clean in that aspect. I have fallen several times by seeing none permitted videos and images but i always manage to overcome my inclination to touche my brith. I have felt very down for not achieving the kedusha i aspire to achieve but i am confident that with the renewed effort being put i will be able to get stronger and keep myself fully clean. 

Welcome Moudmack! 

I must say I'm impressed with your accomplishments so far. Coming from your background, being able to completely abstain from masturbating is incredible. I wish I could say that about myself, and I grew up frum... 

I wish you lots of Hatzlacha on your journey to Kedusha. You've come to the right place! 

Thank you! Much appreciated I wish you only hatslacha as well!

Moudmack wrote on 19 Oct 2016 04:06:

Hi MM. 
I find your achievement spectacular, and I am somewhat bewildered. 

You grew up secular, leading a secular life. You ditched that lifestyle in favor of a life full of kedusha. You keep the mitzvahs, you connect with Hashem by davening and learning His holy Torah, you have abstained from masturbation for TWO YEARS and you feel DOWN??? 

I venture to say that the Yetzer Hara has a two pronged approach in his fight against you: he wants you to view porn, to be sure, but he also wants to get you down. He is FRUSTRATED that you have accomplished so much, and that is why he is DESPERATE that your growth be checked, Chas vesholom. And that is why he is trying to convince you that you can't grow further in your kedusha.

And I am convinced that you have an enormous potential to fight to the finish and overcome this last hurdle. 

Hey, Happy Guy, I haven't read a thing you have written that I haven't thought was smart and thoughtful. 

Hey HappyGuy,
​This really means a lot for me to get some words of encouragement my goal was in no way to belittle someone, i know that everyone is trying very hard to overcome the yetser harah and many didn't achieve what i did but more then anything i want to help myself and others to overcome this challenge that is probably the hardest one in our generation. I am critical on myself but i feel like if i don't act strict and put big barriers on myself i will fall back and i advise everyone to protect themselves and build fences because where the baal teshuva stands not a tsadik gamur stands, the reason for this in my view is because of the level of barriers that has to be put for the baal teshuva to overcome the temptations that are easily overcome by the tsadik. My number one tool that has helped me achieve what I did is my constant thirst to study torah and it has had a huge impact on my lust for women because i know that by subduing my animal side that only wants physical gratification i elevate my spiritual side and come closer to Hashem who has created me and given me and my brothers (am israel) his instruction to be close to him and delve into his infinite goodness. Thank you again, behatslaha rabbah in your pursuit and thank you so much for the encouragement it goes straight to my heart!  

Hey you have an interesting story and some positive input to give. 

However I think you make strong assumptions which are irrelevant to common porneRS / masturbateRS that joined GYE 


If all the guys that are actively lusting and learning many hours of Torah would do something about their lust problem, in my guestimate there would be more than 6,000 new members in the next week. I think you are not in touch with the reality of many guys. 

So, does learning work for you? Great. Will it be THE solution for most guys here? No

It seems like you've been here for a long time so you probably heard many stories and had many interaction with people with lust issues. I think you also make a strong assumption by saying that it wont be THE solution for most guys here. Your argument is that if you are actively lusting, you can learn all the torah it won't help. Ill thus agree with you that the best thing to do is to refrain from lust using tools like internet filters, refraining from being in position that will arouse is also great. Basically prevention is the best cure and I wasn't implying that you can stop the prevention and replace it with torah study.

The point i was trying to make is that torah study can be a significant help in ADDITION of prevention. Why you ask? For orthodox jews that have a belief that masturbation is prohibited by the torah which is the will of Hashem we are responsible to do something that is not natural for most of us because we are aware of the truth of his being and his instruction. Now the more you have fear of hashem the more importance your going to give to his words and the more your going to want to furthur yourself from anything that can pose a seperation within your relationship with him. In order to get fear of hashem you need to work on love of hashem. The reason being that the more you love an individual/being the more your going to be scared to be seperated from him.

Now, how to you grow love for hashem? by studying hashem's torah and knowing his ways you will immerse in his infinite knowledge and grow to take his words very seriously since you will grow your relationship and transform your life according to his instructions. So for you to label my comment of improving one's relationship with hashem that commands us to seperate ourselves from sin and to be holy a person as ''Irrelevant'' is very arrogant and in my eyes ignorant(no offence intended at all i think your either missing my point or not open to additional propositions besides from the typical prevention methods which i believe is also necessary btw so i dont disagree with you).

Just to point our also that a very significant aspect of this site is the chizuk emails that are generaly based on torah instructions. Those emails for some people that i asked has been a significant help. I am open to debate and argument for the sake of bettering myself and others but i truly believe that your exemple dosen't represente a drop of the message i was trying to send and isn't representative of my advice. Now you can either take my advice or not but I can't do more then say what worked for me the most. This might not be the same for all but im sure it will work for some if it helped me and i do not see the problem in sharing advice, im not impossing anything just making the propositions that i think can give more then what most people have already been exposed on the site (which is amazing and essential dont get me wrong).  

Thank you for your output i however feel like it's quite negative overall as the only change i couldve made is to stop posting my opinion on the forum/chat leading to a disinterest in the service and an eventual quitting of the facility which is not good. You should let people express themselves as they see fit because one advice that dosen't work for you could work for someone else so i do invite you to open your mind to other considerations.  

I find it hard to follow this post. Would you mind using paragraphs please.

Learning Torah helps for some.
It doesn't for others.
It didn't for me.
Learning mussar helps for some.
It doesn't for others.
It didn't for me.
Davaning helps for some.
It doesn't for others.
It didn't for me.
Meditation helps for some.
It doesn't for others.
It didn't for me.

B'hatzlachah in whatever works.

@Cordnoy Makes my point, i want to highlight the ''Helps some'' which is what i wanted to send. Also many didn't try so they dont know if it worked for them. Some didn't try in the way that would most fit them. It might also be the type of torah or the mussar of the intention in davening or the type of meditation that made it so that it didnt help. Maybe these other things that help you more then these things or maybe theres a reason why you don't relate to these things. Those are valid points, I would be very interested to know what has helped you. I see that your almost 2 years clean which is great and would like to get some advice as what did work for you. Thank you

Gye
Meetings
Therapists
Opening up to real people
Social worker
Specialists
Step work
Calls
Friends
Unhiding

I'd also like to publicly thank Mark, for my post got lost due to internet connection, and I remember him saying someplace that if you click back several times, it will magically reappear and Walla....whadya know? It did. So thanks bro.

Davening is where we talk to Hashem. Learning Torah is where He talks to us. And doing mitzvahs is how we concretize the connection.

If davening and/or learning solves the issue for you, great. 

For the rest of us, who daven and learn and still have these challenges, the battle rages on. 

But rest assured that our tefillos and Torah still do affect us, strengthening our poor, beaten and battered neshomos in the struggle we are in. Although we might not sense it, especially since many of us have numbed our neshomos almost beyond recognition, it is a fact that davening, learning, and the rest of the mitzvahs serve to strengthen our connection to Hashem and empower and sensitize us to do His will.

So Cord, I wouldn't say "doesn't help", but maybe "doesn't solve" the issue

Happy Guy wrote on 21 Oct 2016 19:17:

You're assuming that these problems can be overcome on self will alone. That's not the case for me. And davening didn't help for me either. For people like me, who have an addiction, all the davening in the world isn't going to take away the disease. I used to davening Shmonah Esrai until Aleinu and I wasn't trying to be slow. It didn't help one iota with my addiction.

I think that a common misconception on this site is that masturbation and pornography are completely religious issues. In many cases, I would venture to say in all cases on GYE at least, there are other things at play. If someone is coming to GYE then they probably have tried religious solutions already that didn't work. Also, and I'm guilty of this also, many people here give advice when unsolicited and also when they don't know the 1st thing about recovery. I look back at my earlier posts and I cringe. I had no idea what I was talking about. What is valuable, however is support from one to another. Saying, "Hatzlacha Rabah, I relate to you and feel your pain," does not require any knowledge and it can be quite helpful.