Perhaps I am a most unusual case. I grew up in a frum home, we had TV but were Shomrei Torah Umitzvos. I had loving parents was a success in school and went to a yeshiva for 4 years, where I learned pretty hard.

I always had an interest in pornography from a young age and always found it exciting. I read a few "dirty" novels in yeshiva and that generally led to being motzei zerah levatolo. I would of course berate myself but never had the tools to fight or the courage to ask for help, so I continued along this path.

I then left to university and did tremendously well, coming top of my class and procured as great job.
I subsequently got married to a beautiful Eishes chayil and we have been blessed with 4 wonderful children and one on the way.
Still I have never really given up the pornography although we don't have internet at home so it is mainly when I go away for work and I am in the confines of my hotel room. I try not to be motze zerah levatolo, but occasionally I let it go to far.
In the pats 18 months however things have got much worse. Whilst I have reduced the pornography, I have been visiting massage parlours, not for sex, but for erotic massages. I don't know why and I cant pinpoint a reason for this crazy lapse.
My wife of course has no idea and I have no intention of ever telling her, Of course I love her and I cant explain this addiction, but addiction it is.
so here I am on Guard Your Eyes, to try and beat this stage in my life and stop going forward, so that I can truly get on with my life. I pray for my success because I have no excuses other than my obviously poor state of mind.  

YDB, when I came to GYE, I also thought I was an unusual case. I was concerned no one would be like me. Was I wrong! I have found that there are many people here like me, who can relate to my particular struggle. 

We are all here to help each other!

hatzlacha!

Yeah doesn't sound unusual at all. In fact I think you're on a massive level.

Keep it up. Scour the site for help!

Welcome brother!

Welcome! We are here for you. I also suffer from chronic uniqueness .

Welcome!  The nature of addiction is that it gets progressively worse.  Stick around.  Read the handbook.  Check out the dov quotes.  Especially the first one about Captain Kirk.

So YT is over and I feel the need for chizuck at this stage is going to be greater than ever. I would like to find a mentor to discuss points on a weekly basis (I am happy to pay). Does anyone know/recommend someone I could contact?

YDB613 wrote on 26 Oct 2016 07:50:

You found email me if you want to. I can see how it goes and if I feel like I'm being a help. My email is iam24zman@gmail.com.

I haven't been to a massage parlour since mid Elul so about 2 months now. I still have huge cravings and last night I actually went on a massage site although I quickly turned it off. It is like the yetzer horah has given me some breathing space and then has decided to start attacking again. Any advice?

What had worked in my experience is sharing with another member and surrendering to God my temptations, asking Him to take it away for me.

YDB613 wrote on 15 Nov 2016 14:32:

You got it almost right, except that the one giving you breathing space was hashem not the yh, and of course the yh doesn't like that we breathe at all....

To your point of being an unusual case, trust me brother, we all love to think that way because we love the feeling of having a unique struggle and using that in the back of our minds as a reason to believe that there's no hope. Sorry to burst your bubble bro but its hard to believe you've done ANYTHING that no one else on here did, we all understand you and you're in the right place!

Keep trucking brother!