I am in my late teens an aspiring ben torah and an aspiring ben yisroel. I have been struggling with keudusha issues since as long as I can remember. There have been periods in my life of long deep darkness. Periods in which I have felt trapped, owned by and totally in in the control of taivah.  Although I feel that my chinuch has been worse than just lacking but even misleading, I understand that it's not healthy to blame others, I knew it was wrong, and I have to take responsibility. During the nights of my life, during my days locked in the prison of the yetzer hara, I suffered from lack of self confidence, deep disgrace and self disgust. These emotions manifested themselves in negative middos towards those closest to me in my life. I felt like I was living a double life; tzadik during the day, then night after night the same aveiros again and again. I felt that the "good me" was fake. This couldn't be further from the truth. The true me is pure, the fake me is the impure. My nights of near total darkness instilled a deep sadness into my heart, a feeling of incompleteness, and perhaps I compensated to fill this gap in other ways. כי קרוב אליך הדבר מעוד, when I stumbled across islands of purity, I found happiness. True happiness comes with purity and kedusha. I am sick and tired of falling and having to pull myself up out the dirt. The one thing that I dream of is long term consistency. I wish I could just win, and beat taiva once and for all but I recognize that it will be a life long war. My mission and my goal in this war is to fight battle after battle with all my strength and win. Although the cycle of inconsistency has been going on for years and continues to this day, looking back, I do not struggle with the same things and to the same degree that I did in my early teen years. My goal is very simple to achieve longterm purity and kedusha! To be a Jew not just in yichus but in thought speech and action. I am crying inside for my failure up until this point. But I am at the same time encouraged because I know that I can do it. To know that there are others out there who are struggling is liberating. To know that there are other who are overcoming and succeeding is empowering and encouraging.  Thank you everyone and I look forward to growing and iyh succeeding together!

Welcome AY,

You are courage's man. Coming here was my first step in getting helped. What I can tell you is, that you are a young guy nice person and a god loving person, that has s tough struggle. You are lucky to be here in such a young age and bezras hashem you will find the right help. I am almost double the age of you. I came here about two years ago, after many years of struggling the double life. Thank hashem for his mercy and I am today sober one day at a time for over 1.5 years.

What can I tell you from my experience is, that ACCEPTANCE is a big key to move on. Yes I have a serious problem, perhaps I am not bad person doing bad stuff, rather I may be a sick person, and indeed my sickness comes out to do bad stuff.

Another thing I learnt from the beginning was the one day at a time method. I cant stay clean today for tomorrow, I cant stay clean today for yesterday. I can only stay clean today for today. Today I will try to do the next  right thing to stay clean.

Another thing I learnt here was surrender/prayer. Whenever tempted I talk to hashem. I tell him I know you know that I cant do this on my own, please help me overcome this temptation.

There is much more here, please stay here consistently until you feel safe and somewhat free.

Wishing you good luck on your journey.

Welcome brother!

Keep on Trucking

Welcome AY. You are among friends here. Anytime you need us, we will be here. 

Welcome "Aspiring Yisroel". 

I have one question for you. Is the only reason you want to stop these behaviors because it's an עברה and lack of קדושה? 
If this is indeed the case then you may have a very hard battle to fight. That's because it would essentially be pitting your will against Hashem's. You would love to keep engaging in these things, but Hashem said "No" and that makes you feel guilty. So who's will is stronger? 
From what I've learned and discovered over time since I joined GYE is that a very basic first step would be for you to define for yourself why barring any איסורים you would still want to stop. 
The reason I bring this up is because the tone of your post seems very focused on the religious aspect of this struggle, and not so much on the real world ramifications it has. While we'd like to think that we can conquer this taava just because it's רצון השם, in reality this is usually setting up oneself for failure. 

Hatzlacha! 

To be clear, when I am doing ratzon hashem and I am growing spiritually I am really happy, it is this happiness which is my motivation.

Welcome!
I loved your opening post!
It sounds like you are ready to be open and honest (something I didn't do in the beginning). You sound real and genuine. That's why you got all those thank yous.
There's a great post from dov called CAPTAINKIRK  that talks about how we struggle with our two identities. Check it out here 
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-Wall-of-Honor/124072-Dov-Quotes

Hatzlacha!

Welcome!  You want to fight with all your might and win.  But in fights, you win some, you lose some.  My goal is not to fight.

Also, can you pinpoint some triggers either physical or emotional?  What gedarim can you make?

The main bechira we have is to avoid the fight.  No one can consistently win if they are always fighting.