Hi. I don't know if I'm normal or not, but this is my story. I'm from a chassidish family. When I was a young teenager, a friend introduced me to phone sex lines and porn sites. I never had a lot of access to those things particularly, but I was no longer innocent and throughout my teenage years I was masturbating at least once a week. On the outside no one knew, and everyone thought I was a eidele bochur. This went on even after I got engaged at eighteen. Fortunately I was able to stop after I got married, because of pas b'salo. The taam chet never left me, however, and I still occasionally called sex lines, too
Embarrassed to actually talk to anyone but to hear the messages. Again, my wonderful wife has no idea, and we have a happy marriage and beautiful children together. Recently we got internet on our cell phone, and now my problems began. We had covenant eyes, but somehow a chaver was never set up, and I found out the password to the app lock. A few nights I stayed up all night looking and watching you can imagine what. Truthfully, even before I unlocked the apps I was making Google searches for inappropriate material and just looking at the results that came up (app lock didn't seem to stop that) or searching Google maps (which I left unlocked because it's so useful) for stuff thati shouldn't be looking at. In the last couple weeks I managed to stop somewhat, understanding a little how detrimental this is for my mental and physical health, marriage and family life, as well as how boring the porn world really is (except maybe frum porn), but I'm still a hair away from trouble.
