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tzoirrodem's story 02 Sep 2016 08:56 #294648

  • tzoirrodem
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i am 20 and known as one of the best bochurim in my yeshiva. i am mechadesh chidushim love davening big masmid amazing middos etc etc but i've been addicted to p&m since i was 11- at home we have hundreds of womens magazines (i secretly threw hundreds allready) two computers and a laptop and smartphone all with unlimited internet - it's like living in a room with 10 million zonos and no clothes on
i have made the plunge to reveal to a rebbi who was known to be good at dealing with this- at age 15 approx helped a bit,after approx 2 years he 'gave up on me' and introduced me to our family rav who was even more experienced/qualified - the rav told my parents to put filters etc didnt tell them my actual problem (i didnt let). 
that helped for a bit but the yh allways manged to get me to ask them to get round the code for 'exam revision'  etc web chaver helped a bit more. But my mother hated all this stuff (cant you just control yourself) i've been in yeshiva 3 years all the filters came off , and my rav decided it's better for me just to chill about the whole thing its normal worrying makes it worse. in the past five years I've managed 3 months clean of p&m about 4 or 5 times and once 3 months and once 5 months. I once managed not to use internet for a year. But when i fall i fall bad - sometimes mzl 6+ times a day and take a long time to get up from fall (months) I dont use a computer for anything (music pictures word etc - nothing - except yetzer hora internet porn etc) i've tried everything (esspecially davening) feel i've met a brick wall. what's gonna be

Re: tzoirrodem's story 02 Sep 2016 11:45 #294654

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Welcome to GYE!

A great step in the right direction!!

Youve shared your story with others

i would take the next step and talk to someone that can really help you
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Re: tzoirrodem's story 02 Sep 2016 13:32 #294661

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like who?

Re: tzoirrodem's story 02 Sep 2016 13:39 #294662

  • Markz
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Try Dov or Cordnoy
(click on "checkout" below to see their info on the success story page)

Also - have you read the TT thing for top bachurim at the end of my signature? It can be helpful

KEEP ON TTTRUCKING!
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: tzoirrodem's story 02 Sep 2016 18:05 #294674

  • gibbor120
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Welcome!  Your story is not uncommon.  Kudos for having the courage to seek the help of a rebbi and rav.  It's unfotunate that so many people are blind and have no clue what we are facing ("can't you just control yourself" - actually no, I can't).  At the end of the day, even filters can only do so much.  Read the handbook.  Keep posting.  We know what you are going through, because we are all in the same boat - more or less.

Re: tzoirrodem's story 02 Sep 2016 18:07 #294675

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Try and stay busy with positive things as much as possible.  Exercise, music, hobby of some sort, friends...  Stay busy and productive, even with things that are not technically ruchniyusdik endeavors.

Re: tzoirrodem's story 02 Sep 2016 19:40 #294684

  • shlomo24
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Welcome! You're not the first shtark guy and you won't be the last. I relate very much to your story. You can email me at iam24zman@gmail.com if you want to. I'm 20, 21 in October. I'm no longer in Yeshiva but I still think I have valuable experience. 

Hatzlacha Rabah. 
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com
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