hi!
i am a 18 year old guy who needs to break free.

here is my short, abbreviated, history

i hit puberty lat (B"H!) and only started to get down and dirty in end of 8th grade/ begging of 9th grade. (but B"H B"H no video porn or masturbation (which i credit to breslov, but that's a different story), ever; but rather "soft porn", i.e. nude photos, erotica, etc.)
i obviously wanted to drop this whole thing, and in 10th grade i clicked on the ad for GYE (on YWN), and gave a half-hearted effort, which obviously failed .

however tisha b'av of 10th grade, (2 years ago) i listened to a speech from Charlie Harary that, as they say, changed my life. (link:  ) he spoke about how changing the way you feel about yourself changes your actions, and gave an example with a story:
there was a man who was obese a needed desperately to lose weight. he realized that his weakest point was when he would come home thursday and go to the store to buy food for shabbos. there he would buy all the fattening, life shorting food that he needed desperately to stay away from. one day he thought of a solution. every thursday, before he would go to the supermarket, he would go biking with one of his "healthy" friends, that way he would feel like "im a healthy guy!" and therefore when he would go to shop, he would only buy healthy food

so i decided that every single time that i would go on the computer, first i would read the GYE email (which , i think used to be written much better), that way , i would be like "i am a kosher guy!!" and not do all those searches and stuff.
after much struggle, it slowly began to work!!

i was always a good learner, but 11th grade was the year that, as a result of this (or maybe that was a result of this) i actually learned, not just cus that what i did, but because i actually wanted to learn, and become closer to Hashem.
i also struggled and grew through out 11th grade, and really made much improvement!
i told a rebbi of mine about the struggle, and i also moved from my house into the dorm, allowing me to learn more and to stay away from the computer.
since then, i have basically been clean through out every zman.


however, almost every bain hazmanim, the full force of the struggle returns :'(
i learn in the morning and night, however i have the whole afternoon and late at night (after learning) free with basically time unlimited computer access.

i was aware of this before bain hazmanim/2nd half (i went to camp for first half), and i txtd my afore mentioned rebbi and came up with certain kabblos for internet usage, some of which have since come crashing to the ground.

the past week and a half have been brutal for me, with the YH attacking like never before. all day, all night he was there temping me. i fought and won sometimes, but most of the time...
BH that phase of this intense desire seemed to have ended last night, but still this computer is always here.

i just need to last a week and a half till right after tisha b'av, where im going on a trip to EY


I CAN DO THIS! FOR HASHEM! I KNOW I CAN!

Welcome

we were all in this vacation sinking boat

If you have time this bein, try read the TTT link in my signature

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!

Wow. I felt like I was reading a description of my own life.

I end the zman tomorrow, but for me, bein hazmanim might prove to be easier than being in yeshiva...

I hope you stick around, because we seem to have a lot in common and I think we'll be able to be michazeik each other.

I can definitely relate to bein hazmanim being an issue.

Maybe you're interested in joining a group of guys for bein hazmanim take a look at this thread
guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/284487-BAIN-HAZMANIM