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Welcome to the club!!

Is there someone you can talk to that you are close to?
He won't bite :-)

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Welcome. Very nice post. Hatzlocha on your journey.

Try1ng wrote:

Sort of like - hey rabbi would you like to bite me

Moish can you help mr Try1 how to broach the topic?

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Markz wrote on 25 Jul 2016 14:32:

No, but the issue may be more common than we think. Many Rabbis, especially those who are closely involved with adolescent boys, may understand these issues well and can guide you to the proper help, whether it be advice, therapists, or 12 step groups. If there is a Rabbi or mentor you feel close with and you trust not to expose or exploit you, and you feel is open minded enough to understand these issues, do not be surprised if he is not surprised that you are struggling with this.

Welcome Try1ng! I think your experience is much more common than you think. You talk about "getting it out of your system" and how people who fooled around didn't need porn or masturbation, but I don't think your assessment is accurate. They probably also looked at porn and masturbated. You don't think the porn industry is only for people that don't have sex, do you?

What is probably a lot more relevant is something else you said. "there I was - I, who was never all that sporty, and struggled a bit at that time socially". Struggling socially is a BIG factor in acting out. Many of us struggled/struggle. Acting out is an outlet. It helps ease lonliness and other stressful emotional feelings.

I encourage you to read Dr. Sorotzkins essay on "Psycological PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTORS IN SEXUAL ACTING OUT" drsorotzkin.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/eng-psych-factors-sexual-acting-out.pdf . I think it may open your eyes.

You spoke about not talking to a Rebbi. You may not be ready yet, but talking to a real live person can be a big help. Rabbeim hear this stuff all the time. If he is surprised, something is wrong. It's a very hard burden to bear secretly.

I wish you hatzlacha! We are here for you. We all have the same problem more or less. We've all tried to stop with varying degress of success. B"H, many have gotten help here. IY"H, you will too.

Keep posting.

That's some story! An amazing journey that you are on and will continue with. Kol Hakavod to you! I often wonder if I would be able to take the jump to a Frum lifestyle if I wasn't brought up like that. You are obviously a strong person who has his ideals and values clear, but you feel that you're leading a "double life". You can do it.



Regarding speaking to a Rebbe about your challenges I can only share with you my story. I have a Rebbe whom I'm close to and I was very scared to tell about my challenges, but I realized  that he could help me, and I needed help.

If you're Rebbe is a "real Rebbe" than he will not judge you. If he does, than he's probally not hte person for you. If you're in a Baal Teshuva style Yeshiva, it's almost certain that the Rebbeim will be understanding.



Get involved on the forum. Don't just get stuck in your issues; post on other people's threads as well. It will only help you!

Get out of isolation. If you're sure about speaking to someone live, then at least onb the chatrooms and private chat.



Keep it up man. You made it till here, you'll take it to the end!



BTW you're sure the Chabad House didn't charge for the preschool?

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KEEP

ON

TRUCKING

Wow. Nice post. Sounds like you really know who you are and where you want to be.
You've come far, and בעז"ה will continue.. real קבלת עול מלכות שמים
Hashem is surely proud of you, ישראל אשר בך אתפאר

I know it can be scary at first, but the people who make progress often need to open up to a real person.  Check out the dov quotes link in my signature.  The first one called "captain kirk".  You may not be ready yet, but for many, it is what eventually makes a real difference.

Hi there,

I can really relate. I got on this forum when I was 19 and single. I'm now happily married and sober for a few years. I remember the desperation and sense of leading a double life. It is really hard. 
I'm really happy that you found this forum, because it provides a lot of great resources. There are plenty of people on here with strong sobriety and experience. Take advantage and stick with the winners!
And I want to second what others are saying - you'll most likely get a lot out of speaking to people you know. This is a disease that loves darkness and secrets. You've made a BIG step by getting some of it out over here. But after some time, you might decide that you need more help. I spent a lot of time on here before eventually going to live SA meetings, which is exactly what I needed. It took me a long time, but I eventually learned that I needed to change on a very deep level - acting out wasn't the real problem; it was the underlying attitudes towards G-D, others and myself, which were destroying me. 
Welcome, and I look forward to talking more!

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