YidFromMonsey wrote on 30 Nov 2016 01:19:

Sorry to hear that.
 feel for you.
After recovery, each time I fell, I took another step.

B'hatzlachah

I can identify with that. I was seperated for 6 months from my spouse.

It seems like when there has been some abstinence it comes back in a binge fashion. I guess if you can count your days you've had self control as points and look at your score maybe there's some motivation not to have to reset. If I can go 30 days and view it as a success of resisting I wouldn't want to throw away any progress. Just a thought.

Abrahampath wrote on 30 Nov 2016 01:56:

It always comes back and it is always there unless you do something about it. Mr yfm was/is doing something about it. Falls are expected. Progress, not perfection.

Hatzlacha to both of you, YFM and Uriel.

we are all rooting for you

Thanks for sharing YFM.

You are an amazing person and Hashem should be with you. My prayers are with you.

Lomed 

lomed wrote on 30 Nov 2016 22:52:

Goodness.

AI post from lomed and a message from Belmont.....both within minutes of each other.
Next thing you know, misgaber is gonna call.

If you are serious about getting better, which it seems you are, then read the following:

1. You can't wait almost FIVE months between posts.
2. You need to be accountable and posting regularly (even daily). 
3. And seeing someone who is clean/recovering regularly (once or twice a week).
4. I strongly advise you to listen to The Fight by Rabbi Shafier on tyvah. It is available here on the site, 
and in fact was produced with GYE.
5. Listen to only 1 shiur a day and maybe play it twice. Take notes even. Internalize it.
6. Get rid of all internet access or whitelist only what you really need.
7. Have your wife put a password on her computer that you DON'T know.
Tell her whatever. It's safer. Just make up something.

You can get better. Start NOW.

p.s.
8. if you really may have an std, get checked out by a doctor immediately...
unless you don't care if your wife gets it too.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 01 Dec 2016 13:07:

I was going to write something sarcastic but that's not good for me. Dude! What's going on? You seem to be dispensing advice here.

Did you read his whole post?
I did and felt his pain. So, I reached out to him and tried to help him. Am I in the twilight zone?
This is the end of it:"anyone who wants to share personal experience, advice, chizuk, etc. please do. you should know that all of you who reach out to help mean the world to me."

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 01 Dec 2016 14:49:

If you compare your life to a business then you would have "x" amount of years of a failing business and 3 weeks of zero deficits. It would be crazy for someone like that to offer business advice.

He asked for advice. He is drowning. I offered 8 sound pieces of advice.
Which of these 8 things do you disagree with?
Again, he is drowning in a raging river and asking for help.
I don't think he cares that I'm not a licensed lifeguard.
-------------
If I was trying to be hired as a lifeguard, in general, at the beach, then you are totally correct.
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Have a good Shabbos.

Sholom to the Oilum,

I appreciate all your advice. I love you all. It means so much to have a hand to hold.

I want you all to know that I listened to you all:

1) I was honest with myself that I have a serious issue that needs work and I committed to SERIOUSLY working on it (not just tell myself I would, literally doing it).
2) I was honest with my wife. I was in complete tears and felt terrible. She was unhappy but I was expecting an anger storm which, Thanks to Hashem Yisborach didn't come....she seems to just feel bad for me....what can I say I am truly blessed.
3) I found a frum therapist in my area who I am going to weekly.
4) I found an SA group in my area which I will be attending bi-weekly.
5) I have an appointment to make sure what I have isn't an STD (I can't daven that it's not an STd because that would be a tefilas shav, because already it either is an std or it isn't. all im davening for is siata dishmaya from Hashem. Im trying as hard as I can and I have to really on him to do the rest).

I have to say that I used to be plagued with terrible destructive feelings (resentment, sadness, confusion) and much of that has gone away. I think once I was honest and accepted myself for who I was it helped alot.

News to come Bezras Hashem!
upward and onward in our quest!

(by the way, I discovered a great book, which I really recommend called 'the trail to tranquility' by Rav Lazer Brody. its awesome. it is exactly that, a trail to tranquility)

Rachamim

Great to hear you took on those commitmentso

Keep drinking HonesTEA

And of course Keep on Trucking!

Urielrachamim wrote:

Sorry again to hear about all the stuff.
 greatI to hear about your recovery methods and steps.

I have several questions:

1. All those feelings just disappeared the moment you were honest?
2. I read the thread again. Did you tell your wife in the beginning you had issues in the past, but you are over them then?
3. How long have you been married?
4. You seem to be guessing about your wife's feelings; what does she say?

You can choose not to answer anything, but those were some of my thoughts.

B'hatzlachah

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 02 Dec 2016 14:07:

I'm going to shut up now. Hatzlacha Rabah.