After leaving yeshiva, in 2004, I suffered many yeridos Nora'os- I realize now that the yeshiva protected me somewhat, but I was totally unprepared for the challenges of life outside of yeshuva. Since leaving yeshiva, i also suffered parallel, in olam hazeh. I paid for it dearly.  I struggled in shalom bayis, professionally, and in many other aspects of my life. I wonder if this was the reason why. 

About a year and a half ago I became marginally more observant, particularly since rosh hashanah of this year.  I also saw success professionally and in shalom bayis,  but I was lacking the inner flame to be and didn't care about growing as a yid. over the last 6 weeks or so, I have seen a tremendous growth in myself as a yid. I have the fire. I lost a lot of time, but I am motivated  to repair what I can, and live a torah centric life as a yid. 

B"H, I prepared hard for lag Baomer and prepared for Shavous. I went 18 days, free of this aveirah. A few weeks ago, a tremendous urge overcame me. And I've been trying to recover, it is a struggle.  Hashem guided me, in doing 18 days,  I believe, to show me what I'm capable of doing, but now, I must work for it.

I see myself growing. I'm very proud.  However, This one area though I have come to realize will stop my growth and will kill my neshama, and bring me back to be'er shachas-  Today, I thought to myself... How do I get the strength to be misgaber, and hashem guided me to this website. I hope that together we can be mechazek each other in this important inyan. 

I am at day 4, and my first test was today. Weekends are not particularly hard for me - yesterday, Monday, was no challenge. But today there was a challenge. I believe today's urge has subsided. I fear for the future but I am hopeful that now that I'm part of this group that the strength of this tzibbur can help me to help myself. 

Welcome

Theres a tremendous strength of the GYE tzibbur of gyes in your predicament as I was

One of the things you will discover thanks to Gye is the strength of your individuality beH ODAAT

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!

Welcome to gye,

It's great that you're seeing progress.

Is there anything in particular that helps you?
Also do you have any questions to ask the forum? Obviously you don't have to have questions, just if you do there's a lot to gain by asking the guys here.

Welcome again, Hatzlacha!

Thanks markz, and inastruggle for your warm wishes. I'm new to this. So nothing really yet that I can pinpoint. When I was clean for 18 days, hashem carried me. That day I made the decision not to do it a second time, and I think when I took that first step to fight. Hashem helped me.'I never fought too hard before, so that step was a good one. 

I thought I was done with it, but fell. Then fell an hour later and a day later and 2 days later. Then realized ok. It is not just coincidental that I never managed to stop. I just found Gye when I had an urge and was trying to find simw guidance online.

i believe this site and really the amazing olam of people who are working so hard to do ratzon hashem. I believe I will see success. 

I have read read a lot of posts but haven't posted yet - i would like to post. 

I tried the the urge surfing. That was interesting. By staying clean I feel the kedusha and I feel hashem much closer to my wife, and kids. When I was clean 18 days, I felt hashem , I felt ruchniyus. Once I fell then davening and learning became a struggle. May be unique to me or may be common - i look forward to getting to know you better so we can be mechazek each other.

you're a sweet yid.

Before I found gye Iused to decide to stop all the time and I really meant it. It never helped besides for extremely short periods of time (never more than a week, usually not even a day).

I simply didn't have the tools even though I had the will. 

Getting connected with others is a great tool.

Did you read the handbook yet? There are some good tools in there.

Very similar to me regarding that even though you wanted to stop you couldn't for long periods of time. I don't have any questions. At the moment. Mostly, I am  in awe of the chosuva yidden on this site. It is inspiring to see so many people going to battle on a daily basis. Such a personal thing, and to see Bnei Torah show such humility to do ratzon hashem, just an inspiration. 

I rarely battled for more than a few days and pretty much always lost. I feel that now at least I'm in the game. 

I read somewhere, and I agree, that hzl and porn, and worse, is a control thing. It's to
show an independence. Hashem wants a husband to depend on a wife. I'm not sure how this ties into a Bochur, and as a Bochur, I thought it was understood that it's not a big issue Bec eino pas b'salo. Turns out, r"l, one who is nichshal as a Bachur is likely to be nichshal as a married man. Shoresh poreh rosh ule'aneh.

Markz wrote in another post that the issue here is to view it as optional, not a necessity. That's a new way of looking at it. I always felt it was like food, the body needs it. I'm 9 days in, I'm ok. Staying busy for me is key. 

i read the handbook on day 1. I spent the full day in the site. i need to chazer it and learn it b'iyun. 

 

Welcome!  Much of what I learned here wasn't about trying harder and getting chizzuk, it was about trying smarter, changing my attitude.  Check out some of the dov quotes in my signature.  He may open your eyes as he did mine.

Friends,

I'm proud to report I've been clean for 19 days. My previous streak was 18 (With tashmish twice during that time period). During this 19 day streak, I have not been osek in any tashmish. I've had a few times that I had to be misgaber, but nothing crazy. Was harder the first week/ 10 days. Every day is not a struggle. I find keeping busy is great.  I feel amazing. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. I feel lots of kdusha. I feel that through this purity, I'm getting clarity in thought  and mind. Most of all, I feel like a gibbor. 

Any recommendations on anything I should be looking out for? 

I wish all of you continued  hatzlacha.
 

Magnolia wrote:

Incredible! What I have heard was that this thing if done correctly is supposed to be getting easier. So I guess your fine. But perhaps you should be wary. I have felt those feelings of yours countless of times, decided I was done with this nisayon countless of times, and fell thereafter countless of times. Keep growing and keep being aware of this nisayon. 
two cents from a stam guy who cares

Hey, 
I'm also new here. It's really nice to hear your story and how you have been doing so well. I've been through phases of clean for a while and then messing up again. I guess we keep getting back up though. One thing that has helped me a lot (I think it's the tafsik method, haven't actually read it yet) is to make a shavua to hashem that I would have to tell my wife every time I saw certain things. I am so afraid of telling my wife that I saw stuff that it keeps me from doing it, but it isn't completely limiting because you always have that option of just messing up and telling your wife. I'm not sure if this would help for everyone but it has definitely helped me. Keep up the amazing work, I'm proud to be part of such a great group of people.

Welcome prufimawatchamecallit

I hope you stick around maybe even start your own story thread for no extra charge

And maybe read many threads about disclosing to the wife. It's not advisable even by mistake of we don't have a stretch of sobriety

Why not tweak to tell your Rav or someone else

Whatever you choose
KUTGW and Keep on Trucking!!

Interesting. Welcome, purificationality. Thanks for your feedback. And words of
chizuk. I take each day at a time and take Nothing for granted. I saw in pirkei avos by nedarim siyag lprishus that 30 days is a good time period to break. A habit. I look forward to hitting 30 days, then 60, then 90. Then I'll take it from there. Between that and when tashmish is muttar, in very hopeful and optimistic that I will be able to kick this habit. 

 I was afraid to do the taphsic method for fear that I would simply not follow through with the consequences. Financial penalty wouldn't deter me. I feared it would entice me. So I'd pay a penalty. I felt I needed to do it on my own. First 2 weeks were the hardest. 

I'm not really here long enough to advise, but my thoughts are not to involve the wife. I feel it would create other issues. That being said, I do have my wife on the guard your eyes as the buddy, but she doesn't read it. She also didn't know why I wanted a filter. I just told her rabbanim advised me to get one. She gets messages that I  visit questionable sites, when I don't so I don't know how accurate it is. But anyway, it's working bli ayin hara. I have the longest streak now that id had in my life.

I I posted in another thread about the amazing olam hazeh I'm experiencing by being misgaber. It is no way tevah. I see hashem helping me and cheering me on along the way. 

How is long is your longest streak? 

I got to 27 days, and fell. So I've had a streak of first of 18 days, and then 27 days. I'm proud of the 2 streaks I've had. I'm at 7 days now. I'm looking for a partner. PM me if you are interested. I tried going through the partner section of th forum, but it's pretty buggy and time consuming. 

Friends,

After spending the last 10 years never having gone without p and mzl for more than a few days at a time. This summer i worked hard to kick this habit. 

I've been clean for 73 days and counting. I'm excited to pass the 90 day finish line. After I got through a month, it pretty much just flowed for me. I don't trust myself and know it's a lifelong struggle. But I feel well equipped to handle it. Hashem has guided me in this process and I have tremendous hakarras hatov.

Below are a few points that may be helpful for the olam.

i started learning Sefer  zos brisi (Hebrew version) regularly  - it is amazing - great stuff in there - one point that spoke to me was the quote that pgimas habris causes aniyus, (it can change a mazel of ashirus to aniyus) and vice Versa shmiras habris can even change a person's mazel towards ashirus.

I feel that learning it regularly keeps me continually strengthened about how bad mzl is. And certainly how bad porn is. 

Another thing I read was about the fact that zerah is meant to go into a beis kibbul. That is the mitzius of it. I found that interesting.

i learned more Torah. Gemara with ameilus. It helped me be misgaber.

i avoided going into the city. I haven't been to Manhattan for 6 Months. I don't go on trains buses etc. 

i pretty much avoided reading any news. Listening to any radio and watching any movies etc

i davened for it

i donated monthly to GYE (I figured it is a  helpful site to the olam, and also, I reasoned that most don't have the funds to donate and probably there is a lot of stigma attached to the site- wives wouldn't understand unless they caught their husband. So a wife mah be against making a donation.  I believe people should donate at least something minimal- even $10 a month or whatever. It offers good resources. Ir give something annually.  It is a unique tzedekah and must have a high overhead. 

surprisingly, pas besalo didn't help me. I'm b"h at the stage where I don't need it. Whether it is yemei niddah or not. I'm ok. of course when it happens, it's great. But it's not a need, such as food. This is something I read from markz early on. It's a deep idea. 

I kept myself busy and I avoided ribui gashmius.