When we ask ourselves- who am I? what is the meaning of this question? I know there was a story with the chofetz chaim that he asked someone who he was and he said a diamond dealer and a few minutes later the chofetz chaim asked again and he said again diamond dealer and so forth. At the end of the conversation the guy asked the rav whats pshat he kept on asking him and he said because a diamond dealer is just a job and not who YOU are. you are a servant to hashem and that's it and that's how we try to act.
    As an addict how do I answer the question??  thanks
 

I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but it may be eye opening for you
Click at this link

KEEP ON TRUCKING

Rabotai!!!!
 I am 20 years old and I do not feel that I really understand the consequences of continuing on acting out. I fall and fall and fall and the only thing that pushes me is my commitment to g-d. That commitment gets erased as soon as my addiction kicks in. and then I fall. I don't know what to do. I have filters upon filters and I have been able to masturbate to pictures online.
I don't know what to do. I have no one to speak to and don't really have friends. If im not acting out im usually in the beit medrash learning. my brother claims that I learn and suppress all of my feelings and I need an outlet.
Another thing that quite bothers me is that I post and no one replies that makes me feel that something is wrong with me and I stop looking on GYE. I know that I sound like a baby but it really bothers me,. I want to also be the guy with 22 pages and with a success story.
Please help me.
BTW I really want/need a partner. please message me  I love you guys.  it felt better to post

abieham wrote on 16 Jun 2016 04:40:

I'm hear for one and only reason,
To break and stay free.
All the rest is .....

Have you read the Handbook?
 

abieham.  Perhaps your brother is right, and you do need an outlet.  You say that you "have no one to speak to, and don't really have friends".  Well, that is a problem, and is likely part of the picture here.

Real mentors and real friends will do you more good than any amount of posting.  Don't get me wrong.  We are still here for you, but you have some real issues to address, and they cannot fully be addressed here.

What about your brother?  Is he someone that you can talk to?  Anyone else in the family?

Real connections and real relationships are very important to recovery.  Think about how you can get those.

Abieham

Gibbor said it good!

You wanna get married in 2-5 years?
Your wife will appreciate if you are a friendly communicative guy (I know from experience). Working on that department may resolve your addiction by defualt

Why did virtually no one reply to your 1st post here?
You were theorizing, which isn't something we try too much on gye

We like doing things like ruthlessly popping corn or stepwork..,

KOT

Welcome ! Try to share your real feelings, make it a heart to heart discussion of your day to day struggles, people around here are ready to help.

Hi guys, thanks for caring. Tonight has been pretty hard but im trying to stay clean for myself and you guys. I don't want to report anything bad.
The reason that I don't really have any connections with anybody is mainly because my parents got divorced when i was like 5.My mother single handedly raised the family and was more working and helping me with school than with any feeling type stuff. Ive been to therapists and the like but don't really have any connection with my feelings so it never helped and I made their lives miserable. and I was then put into a mixed modern orthodox school- that I didn't fit in at all. I used to eat lunch by myself in the beginning of highschool. and then when my mother switched me to a more religious school, she immediately wanted me to have friends but I have been used to being by myself so I really just continued that way.
I am more yeshivish than the rest of my family and that makes me different than them also. So that's why I don't really have many people to talk to.---except for the "girls" on the chat rooms and phones** lines.

Well guess what

Theres gye phone lines and many really nice gyes here will be glad to talk to you on a regular basis and you'll feel better about yourself than all those sick bad / good looking girls can give you in dreamland - Hey I though that place really exists
BUT I'm not offering my phone# cos as an aspie I'm not cut out for these conversations (on a regular basis) sorry

As an aspie I always thought chassidishe people are different than me, also the real yeshivishe are different etc etc, till I discovered that its me

abieham wrote:

i agree with your brother and with Gibbor. Sounds like me not too long ago. I needed to suck it up and come to terms that I need a break. One of the biggest things that has helped me.


22 pages and I'm a success? I got 4 pages to go!!! On a more serious note, this isn't recovery and think you should listen to Gibbor on this one as well. Posting won't cut it. You probably have much more to do. Hatlachah on your relationships and recovery. But don't get me wrong keep posting!! I am talking to myself as well as I have focused mostly on posting recently and need to do more or just that the amount of pages on my forum isn't enough as I almost fell a couple of days ago:wink:

I'm sure your early life experiences are part of this puzzle.  Did any of the therapists help you at all?  Therapists are tricky.  Not all of them are good, and even some good ones may not be the right one for you.  I would say that making real friends (ie. not the ones in chat rooms ) should be a priority.  Perhaps, even looking for a therapist or mentor to help you.

none of the therapists were really able to help me because I was not in touch with my feelings. I just said whatever I thought they wanted to hear. I have spoken to my rebbe and he said that friends are very important to have and it is completely normal and advised ( the mishna in pirkei avot). its hard for me to change my perspective because I have been lonely for so long. I will try to be more social, but the thing that really stops me is that I feel my friends have to be perfect. They have to be someone that I look up to and never do anything but at least on purpose.
No one is able to fit those criteria obviously. How do I go about that?

Whats so difficult to be more lenient in your friend expectations