hi there I am 23 and got married around a year and a half ago im struggling since I was 12-13 and its sort of impossible to get over it but bh my goals are to get over it once and for all

when I was around 11 my cousin should me a pix of a uncovered ladies body for the first time in my life and since then im embarrassed to say how far that one picture went. I started watching porn on a daily basses and through the internet I reached a web site which I met massage parlors and... since then I have been going there to get some pleasure but obviously it was short lasting and just wanted more.

then I got married and I thought it would all be over I was clean for around 2 months and then the yetzer hara just came shooting right back and so fast. now that I am married I cant wait to have a free second when I am home to watch or go places I shouldn't go.

my wife is pregnant  and dosnt really give me the pleasure I need to fight this war. so I started seeking it other places and until this day im so sick of it and disgusted about my self that I just want to brake free.

I know im not alone in this war to brake FREE, but comments from experienced people that broke free from this would help 

Hi help
'm a few years older then you but otherwise my story is almost identical (sans the parlors).
Was shown the same things when I was 11 and been struggling since. Marriage didnt change anything but I've learnt that the problem is with me, not that my wife cant provide what I need.
Dont have much experience to share but there are a lot of great guys here who do.
Hatzlacha rabbah! you've definitely come to the right place. 

thanks for replying back

but what does that mean the problem is within me, I have to be honest its been hard trying to identify myself but some tips will helpful
 

Welcome brother to the G¥€ brotherhood where we live and enjoy life ODAAT

Im an admirer of Cordnoy and he's fielding his daily call in just over an hour. Try it out you'll be pleasantly surprised!!

KEEP ON TRUCKING

Welcome Help!!!

And help is on its way if you let it in!!!

Stick around and see what works for you and who you can relate to.

Wishing you tons of hatzlacha!!!

Welcome !

You've come to the right place there's lots to learn, some ideas may be news to you and initially hard to except, but you owe it to yourself to live a healthy productive life, not guided by lust. one step at a time there's a way to get free.

Hi,
I'm so happy you came here for help.
My story is similar to yours. When jake08 said the problem is with you, I know that sounds confusing. But that I think, it's one of the first things to realize when recovering. It sounded absurd to me too when I first heard this, because addicts are detached from reality. But to make it simple you're using lust to escape something that you don't know how else to deal with it, so you turn to lust. Ahhh everything is so amazing when lusting. But the real world with all of our problems are still there. You probably need outside help to assist you with connecting to yourself. Hint: you're wife's pregnancy is not the problem.
It's great to have you here I wish you a successful recovery!

Hi help,
Not sure I can articulate what it means when I said the problem is with me but I'll try. Basically lusting is about my selfish self and self gratification. Maybe I turn to it to cover my problems. But I'm indulging my base parts of my real self. And my wife cant compete with p in terms of my own self pleasure. But when I can learn to lead a healthy life (and I hope to learn soon) those parts of me dont need indulgence for me to feel good. Then my connection to my wife becomes real and "spiritual". And intimacy becomes  holy expression of that. And a choice not a need. (Hope to get there too). And when that happens there is no one out there to compete with my wife.
I hope I'm making sense. Cords or markz or one of the other guys can express this a whole lot better.

Hi help,
How are you? Care to share whats doing with the great battle?
Hatzlocha

hi there

its been a couple of days since I have posted. my struggle is getting harder and harder everyday that I stay clean and sometimes I say to my self i want to fall and go back to my lust bec it just feels so good (obviously that's the yetzer hara talking) then i will get back up. but after so many times of falling i say to myself stop now, stop living a double life. as of now i am clean i don't know how long that will last but bh i will try with all my might and with hashems help i will over come it 

Welcome!  I hear your frustration loud and clear.  A problem you have been dealing with for over 10 years doesn't just go away "once and for all".  It takes work and committment.  It may never go away completely, but it can get much better.  There are dozens of people on this forum that can attest to that.

As far as your wife being pregnant - Mazal Tov, but you say "my wife is pregnant  and dosnt really give me the pleasure I need to fight this war".  She cannot save you.  Do not rely on her.  Many of us found out that getting married did not help at all.  Many got worse.

Don't worry about "fighting a war".  Read the handbook.   Post on the forum.  Recovery is about learning to live in a healthy way, to deal with our stresses etc in a healthy way.  Let go of fantasy, and start living in reality.

I wish you bracha and hatzlacha!  Be patient and Never Ever Give Up!  Can I coin NEGU?