I was so good for so long! Why all of a sudden cant i control myself!!! i have worked and worked, davened, Hisbodidus, learning, Chesed, and now i am failing daily!!! IS IT ALL OVER. will i never be myself, in my skin, again! i feel so far from Hashem, the Torah, my family. i feel fake, a fool. Hashem, please hear my plea. i cant possibly do this without you. its impossible. Please, keep me from sin. hear my cries, see my tears. keep me from evil. be my rod and my staff. see that i am but human. look into my heart and see the true me. a servant of You lost in the woods, far from the Palace. light a torch for me so i can see the way back. see, that i am Yours! Judge my inner true self, not the lost son shivering in the cold. Please Hashem, hear my cries. walk with me through this cold, dark forest. Guard me from evil. Take me to your Palace. i am only Yours. You, Hashem are my Compass, my Guide, My Light, my compassionate Father, my love, forgiving, King, MY LIFE. Safe me from my evil ways. Hold me up! Please Hashem, PLEASE!!!!!

Welcome!! 

Lots of emotions!

I felt PLENTY

I love hisbodeding, am a Ben torah and a Baal Chesed












and a Baal Taava

 

Trying2LG

I truly feel your pain, and would love to give a little input

Can you explain what type of "help" you are asking for

What is your main concern
Here are some examples
Eyes Wanderin' in Street, Trigger-Happy-Finger on Computer, masturbation, or Thoughts/Fantasies

Maybe it's shemiras Shabbos, or bedikas chometz... I don't really have a clue what you're seeking

Wandering eyes of the computer. I don't want to, get depressed when I do! Just this week for some reason.... 

Ok this one is easy

If that's your only problem, sell it to the goy, and make sure he keeps it after Pesach too

Realllyyyy???
No

This is what I'd tell you

I have that same struggle as you with computer

What have you tried over the years to protect yourself from the PC?

Every Rav I asked to be my accountability person basically made me feel gross that I was asking them. I have a blocker on my phone which works and it's just one laptop. I usually feel too guilty to do anything. Just this week has been stressful and my wife is in niddah. So basically, all I have tried is guilt. 

And thanks for your help!!! 

So is it only accountability you want?

Id be happy to volunteer being your partner, but on one condition. I'm an anonymous guy, so if it happens one slip, I can't continue being the partner. Nothing personal, it just is no point, I think

Im goin to sleep.

TTY tomorow later today

Welcome,



Good work so far.



B'hatzlachah

Welcome to gye.

Stick around, you'll definitely learn a thing or two.


KUTGW and KOP (keep up the good word and keep on posting)

Welcome ! Your cry is collective one. We're in this together. Share your struggles to the people who care.

If you ask me....You're in no position for teshuva or cheshbon nefesh or anything of the sort, so get it out of your head. Right now we have a problem. Like in the army, when a group of soldiers reach an obstacle, imagine they start bemoaning their fate! The proper approach in such a situation is for all of them to work hard together to get out of there and figure out how to advance. Later on, when all is safe and sound, they will sit in the tent together and figure out their mistakes and do better next time.

In other words, alright you messed up, alright things aren't looking good. What does G-d want of you right now? Today He wants you to be clean? Tomorrow as well? Alright, so let's work on today and tomorrow. Later on, when we're safe and sound, let's think about the past and ask for forgiveness, when we're calm and in a position to do so. Right now we're in danger so let's work towards a solution.

First thing we do is get rid of the danger. Computer you say? Get a filter. A good one. And if I asked you if you were willing to pay 15 dollars a month for the next year to get rid of your problem, would you accept? If yes, then pay for something like Mobicip or VCF, both of which I found to be excellent. (Don't get K9 it's got weaknesses). 

Alright, now you can take a deep breath. But don't stop there! Me personally, I can spend as much time as I do looking up schmutz looking for loopholes and ways around the filter even to get anything to satisfy me. But that's me, so I set up a shvua fence thingy-majig, which together with the knowledge that I don't have access to anything "worth it" as it is, is all enough (thus far) to keep me nice and safe and back on track.

Another thing, one thing that always keeps me clear if I stick to it is looking some Torah, the kind of Torah that is inspiring and makes you aware of your spirituality and so forth. Now you'll tell me, perhaps, that you don't have time. But I'll ask you, as it is it looks like you might spend hours looking up schmutz anyways, so certainly you would be willing to trade that in for a half our of Torah? This is, of course, after you've already protected yourself with filters etc., so that it's sur meira, vaaseh tov afterwards.

Hatzlocho Rabbo. Keep it going, the past is fixable, but only once you're in a position to do so, right now we're fighting a battle against the Yetzer Horoh and we don't have time to stop and bemoan our predicament.

Well said Yaalzu,


Like it says in Shaarei Teshuva, if you're entrenched in the aveira then the first step of teshuva is azivas hacheit. Otherwise it's like someone who is toival, V'sheretz b'yado.