BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote on 03 Jun 2016 05:15:
Wow. I can soooooo relate! I go though periods like this as well. And this is what I try to tell myself when faced with this:
I don't want to look, because if I look I won't be satisfied. It will just increase my lust and fantasies and I'll want even more. Because in all honesty, why do feel I want to look? Is it just because women are pretty, like a sunset on the beach? No, it's because it gives fuel to my fantasies. I will be able to keep the image of that women in my head and fantasize all I want about her. And at least for me, I will be consumed by the lust until it brings me to masturbate. And then I will have a relief for a couple hours until the lust comes right back, ready for another round. And so ultimately I will have no rest from the lust. The only way to be free from lust is by not giving it fuel.
(On a related note, I found that after months without porn, even when I started lusting again I found it difficult to fantasize on anything as my mental image catalog was all faded. Once Shmiras Einayim got lax though it was suddenly replenished, giving fuel to my fantasies which ultimately led me to fall recently.)
So the bottom line is - do I want to be enslaved by lust or not? If the answer is no then I truly don't want to look!
I hope this makes some sense to you. Hatzlacha!
Thanks for the validation; it really helps when someone says they understand.
The thing is, I seem to work differently than you when it comes to looking at women. Whenever I catch a glimpse of a woman I want to gaze at, it's like an itch, and when I scratch that itch, it feels so, so good.
But once I scratch that itch, I don't find myself thinking about what I saw. My fantasies are mostly creations of my own mind. Sometimes I'll recall things that I've seen, but usually not. And I don't masturbate, B"H. So looking at women is not a problem for me because of what it will lead to; it's the act itself that is the issue.
I want that pleasure of focusing and taking in the "scenery." I know my lust won't be satisfied, but it still feels good in the moment. And I think there is a part of me that does appreciate the beauty, however weird that sounds.
Thoughts?