To make it short. I joined GYE a week ago, I'm very inspired about all the chizuk, help, guidance and more.
even though I'm anonymous I'm still embarrassed to share everything, but the least what I could say is as follows.
 
I was born and raised by a beautiful family b"h. not to complain on my upbring.
@ the age of 9 I was sexually assaulted by an adult, I didn't even notice what I'm getting into. 
since then I suffered on a daily basis (thinking straight, focusing, learning) including SSA. when I started to get older it just got stronger with no luck to control it. I'm 21 and I reached out for help a few weeks ago, the reason why so late is because I felt like trusting no1.   I thank hashem for sending the right friend to recommend me this site so I could see that I'm not the only 1 suffering that life struggle. I was already having second thoughts. but b"h I'm here I feel greatfull for this site.

Sometimes when thinking about it, why me? why cant I just be as any1 else, be free of all the irrelevant problems? 
But thru out the years I was able to help allot of guys with any (including SSA) problems. I think this is why hashem sent it to me so I should me able to help others. A therapist will help, but some1 that had the feeling and suffering could give u better advice how to fight those challenges. (that's my opinion, its debatable).

Welcome

Sorry to hear your history

You may gain some valuable insight by reading success stories in the "Free Towing" page link below. For some SSA stories, checkout GevuraShebiysod and Shlomo24

Do you know about the SSA forum and weekly call?

Welcome,
Sorry to hear about your past.
You sound strong though.
I wish you only hatzlachah.

Welcome. I also suffered from SSA for many years.

Tnx for replying and the chizuk. I feel like the more people that feel me the more ill open and share my entire journey.
I cant get to myself and open that's why I'm starting on a low tone. hopfuly ill get to a "BREAKING POINT" where everything will start to come out on its own.
have a wonderful Shabbos.


 

I'm not so into getting calls or daily emails. the less i think about it, the better.

take your time and post at your own pace. We are on your side. You can feel safe not only in your privacy but also in your being understood. Hatzlocho.

Welcome! 
I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through, but we can all relate to the struggles. It's amazing how liberating being able to post our thoughts and feelings can be. You have come to a good place!

So this is how it went down!!
when I was 15 I searched on youtube some (normal) clips. when suddenly popped up something really bad..... I ALMOST FELL OF THE CHAIR WHEN I SAW THAT...
The next day I shared it with a friend, he told me that its nothing, watch it again and ull get immune to it.
That is where it all began. 

And now 6 years later I'm still addicted to it. but bh a few months age I put a filter on my phone. and with the help of this site I was able to reach out for help and get help. 
 

qualityeyes wrote on 06 Mar 2016 13:32:

The first time I saw a pornographic video was also on YouTube and I also got hooked. Although in actuality I was sexually obsessed WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before that. (I am not insinuating that you were also).

Shlomo24 wrote on 06 Mar 2016 14:30:

You know, maybe its an advantage that i am older than you guys. there was no such a thing as youtube when i was 15 ... but i managed to have my struggles without it. i guess its not about whats out there but whats inside us...

qualityeyes wrote:

It looks that internet is caused many people SSA. BH my family did not have internet. When I bought my first phone it had internet and start my problem SSA

ehrliche.bochur wrote on 06 Mar 2016 20:41:

I don't believe that to be true, but the internet definitely plays a big part in accelerating the process and stimulating the disorder.

The truth about it is that internet is a way how to see the things u think about in ACTION.
and yes I was actually obsessed sexual, just because I was physical on ssa since I'm 10.
but bh now its more less better.
at one point my friends called me ga% for some odd reason. yes it bothered me, I knew its not right but I couldn't help my self.

(one of the issues I had about ssa, is because I had a complex and phobia that girls wont like me, that might be why it triggered most the ssa.)

I hear ya. I relate to being called gay. Certain parts of high school were hell because of it.