fake, i obsess over what others think about me and my image. I felt that letting go of this helped me with my addiction because addiction has a lot to do with sheker, and becoming more emestik helps. 
 

shmirashachaim wrote on 24 Mar 2016 17:19:

I'm not sure I get that, can you please explain why addiction has to do with sheker?

Sasha 2 wrote on 24 Mar 2016 21:10:

Sobriety is all about honesty. Period.

Guard your lies?

Hi. I never started a thread before...did I? Anyhow, this is from my latest adventures with scared, hurting, newbies. Guys I can relate to so deeply, who are actually ready to call on the phone and talk with a person and use their real first names, for a change.

Hey, nothing changes as long as everything stays the same, right? What's comfy is certainly not the best guide for us. In fact, for me, whatever is the opposite of 'emotionally comfy' is a far better guide! Funny how that works.

Spoke with five new frummies in the past three days. Broken guys. Good men. Each broken enough to actually pick up a phone and use their real first name and real voice - a real chidush for them! - to get better. Pouring out their hearts - and I get the privilege to pour out mine with them. Guys who are frum, and yet steal away hours and a lifetime to look at our sweet porn and have sex with themselves (masturbate) as all of us here do, when we live in our problem.

Daven for them and us, please.

"How to get out?," they ask. Well, actually, few ask that. Most are pretty sure they know exactly how to 'quit'...they are convinced that their only real problem is staying out of it forever.

So most of us talk religion, talk self-control, talk gimmicks or escaping with a 'filter'. Escape from ourselves? We say we are Guarding Our Eyes...but are we really just Guarding Our Lies?

Anybody else want to elaborate on some of the safety lies we tell to ourselves, to our spouses and to the good and frum people around us? A newbie on GYE just posted the revelation that the reason his wife was about to leave him and dissolve their family was not because of 'kedusha' issues - but because he lies to her. Finally, someone who sees it like it is...

I like staying sober today, so here goes:

One whopper I tell myself is that my wife must see me being good, to love me. So I am motivated to fake and hide whatever questionable thing I may be doing right now from her. It risks me getting 'bad press' w/her!

That's a lie. We have learned that when I do right by me, my wife sees that, my kids see that, everyone relevant sees that. And things fall into place.

So I commit to doing the next right thing...and that is gettting dressed now and going to shacharis.

Adios amigos!

Purim was fantastic!!!

cordnoy wrote on 25 Mar 2016 06:00:



Plz elaborate cordnoy

Fb2016fbt wrote on 25 Mar 2016 12:31:

I always do.....Monday thru Thursday from 1:20 and on.
Step one is opening up to someone real, something that not everyone here does.

cordnoy wrote on 25 Mar 2016 17:07:

The point of "here" is to allow (a) people who may not be clinical addicts to use the forums and other tools to improve their lives. and (b) even for addicts, to be a gateway for people into that world of "real people". Many of the "real people" that I know in SA got there through this site. Either way, dont be so down on the people "here" while you are "here". Everyone is on a journey. Including you. There are many roads as you wrote not so long ago: about 48 methods etc etc. So go easy. This site means different things to different people. Unless you are convinced that what worked for you - for now - is the only god given truth and everything else is bs