BB POST OF THE CENTURY

agree?

No I'm not looking for a model, I just worry that since unfortunately, I've seen plenty of p*** in the past I will end up being very picky???

Fb2016fbt wrote on 08 May 2016 03:19:

I find one of the perks of being a sex addict is that everyone is so damn beautiful. Needless to say, not what I'm worried about.

Shlomo24 wrote:

No no no no no no no no !! !! !! !!

If I turn on my 'addict' / sexaholic mindset, some are beautiful and some are damned. NOT everyone is damn beautiful

Everyone is damn beautiful as a sex addict, believe me, when I'm down in the dumps, everyone is a freaking supermodel. I don't discriminate. Girls especially, all girls, (well not all, but most), are gorgeous.

Shlomo24 wrote:

Got it

I will stop promoting Dump Trucks

Wow wow wow
today being a long Friday gave me tons of free time and I was super close to falling and I'm on a streak of clean days. What caught me was he fact that I realized that acting out wouldn't accomplish anything besides setting me back. 
Bh is all I could say

FB this is an awesome post and it's great that you put it out there. Some food for thought-

Porn ruins my marriage as it DOES create an expectation in my mind that is not reality. When I say that, (without getting too graphic) I don't mean that being with my physical relationship is not filling my needs. It is. But porn creates the expectation of unbridled sexual desire with no committment, no relationship and no other connection. On the one hand that expectation is very appealing, but it's totally not what reality is. Women work much differently than men. They are in it for the emotional part of sex. - But when I clean the porn ideology out of my head, things are better. I appreciate the emotion of my relationship and all that it offers. The acts of chesed I do for my wife make me happy as do her for me, and we both feel that positiveness in our physical relationship. 

As far as the beauties of porn queens.... not all of them are beautiful to me to be honest. I sometimes find myself attracted to porn that has nothing to do with overall beauty but has more to do with a particular fetish, race, or some other motif dejour. If you think that porn is your real needs, then yes, you will find an endless problem in being married. Because marriage will not be like porn. But in reality, if you think about it, I think you will realize that what you are  looking for in porn is not your real need in life. You DO have needs and SHOULD make SURE that your wife is attractive to you. But, if you are a healthy person in general (in spite of being an addict) something in you will tell you, 'this person is attractive enough to me' And although she may not be a porn queen, she will appeal to you. And that's all that you need to get started.

The above is some of  the usual stuff you hear to answer your question, but there is another side of this. To be frank, my wife was never as good looking in terms of physical appearance as porn queens. She has a few extra pounds maybe not always the best skin in the world.... But guess what... I am sure I am not as physically appealing as every man she ever met or seen either. Try thinking about that perspective- yeah... I am not as muscular, broad, thin and physically attractive as other men. These men may be images in a Calvin Klein ad in New York, or a guy at the local supermarket. Either way, she does love me because of who I am to her- does she not deserve the same? Do you honestly think that you are the best looking thing she will ever set her eyes on? Or do you have more to offer?....I am sure you feel you have more to offer and DO have more to offer.... So does she.

There is a lot more to say on this topic as well. These are just a few thoughts that came to mind. 
 

Great piece OTR, keep stuff like this coming 

Hey I kind of fell off the map bec j had 2 week streaks of being clean and I thought that I had beaten the sickness, until today where I realized that I am at the same spot as before. 2 weeks was big bec I usually leases around 7-9 days and j had a couple streaks of 14-19 days. 
Whenevr I read other people's forums I get nervous from the fact that they run their lives and marriages bec of porn, but it doesn't stay with me for a while. I freak it while reading them but then I all of the sudden seem to forget about it or just don't care about it when in fact I don't want that type of marriage. 
I feel the same way when I read the white book, I'll get chizuk bshaas maaseh and then just totally forget about it later.
I really do want to get back up and fix myself up, Any suggestions?

Fb2016fbt wrote on 04 Jul 2016 20:32:

How much of a problem is all this to you? How far would you go for a solution?

What have you been doing until now to stay sober?  Streak Shmeek.  Don't worry about streaks.  Worry about living sober.  Read the handbook.  Post on the forum.  Read dov quotes in my signature...

That's the issue, I don't know how far I'm willing to go and I'm only gonna realize how far I should go when I get into big trouble
thos sounds ridiculous but I have no interest in joining a group or seeing a therapist
i took an online porn addiction test and it said I wasn't addicted so I'm not interested in doing anything drastic
but I do want to stop acting out in general

I've read the handbook, I've posted online and read many forums...

Fb2016fbt wrote on 05 Jul 2016 17:38:

Doesn't sound ridiculous to me at all. Perfectly normal.

I would say that an online test is probably about as useful as flipping a coin though.

If you've read the handbook and used the forum and that has not helped then maybe try something else.

You say you're not an addict so maybe this doesn't apply to you. I have found that unless I'm willing to go all out for recovery, I'll end up acting out, guaranteed. The reason for this is simple. My disease doesn't stop. It goes to any lengths. If I have a line in the sand that I will not cross for the sake of recovery, eventually my disease will go beyond the reach of recovery. 

To recover from a disease that is willing to go to any lengths, I must have a recovery program that is willing to go to any lengths.

For me this takes regular renewal, because my commitment can easily slip. For instance, say I'm walking down the road and I see a beautiful woman and I instantly see me in bed with her. Am I willing at that point to call someone, tell them what the problem is and ask for help? It's a pain! It's inconvenient! It's embarrassing! And if I'm not willing to do it I'll act out!