So you figure if you get down on them gd won't see them and he'll like you more? 

Yesod wrote on 03 May 2016 00:48:

And if you get down on your nose, all is forgiven?

Fb2016fbt wrote on 02 May 2016 16:00:

Staying clean makes a strong impression on you. אדם נפעל לפי פעולותיו, a person is influenced by his actions. Psychologists discovered what the ספר החינוך told us all along. When you act a certain way, you tend to change and follow the path you created with those actions. 

All the same, when faced with a trigger, a very powerful force grabs you by the neck (not the knees  to be sure) and unfortunately does not allow you to take a few minutes to think it over. Your decision is made in a fraction of a second. 

What makes it devastatingly dangerous is that you can have only one thought, one opinion going through your mind at a time. The struggle of the יצר טוב and the יצהײר is such that כשזה קם זה נופל, when one has supremacy, the other falls to the side. 

What you have to do is to be ready for the trigger. That means that you have to have in place a plan for what you will do when exposed to the trigger. Someone here (I forget who) claps his hands, I believe. I personally do my finger snapping  which I discussed elsewhere on the  boards. 

But you're right, changing your views is not a realistic goal. Changing you behavior, on the other hand, is not only realistic, but easily  attainable if you are willing to work 

Getting on my knees is act of submission for me. I am submitting myself to my Higher Power, which is God. The act itself is a declaration of powerlessness for me. I utilize it when I need it. Many members do it every day, multiple times a day.

I'm still waiting for your question. But I won't answer it if it's not asked straight out.

That explains it, whatever works for you. 
Hatzlacha 


PS
A patent for a 'surrender rug' is what Markz might be thinking about right now. 

But I'll leave that for the cornfield 



 

Shlomo24 wrote on 03 May 2016 00:35:


Usually. I remember I was out with my wife and two other young couples from the family and one of them didn't completely cover her knees and I was so surprised at how much her knees seemed attractive (and I'd have to say that if not for this story I actually agree that knees are knobby and strange). So you just never know.

Yeah, I hear that. I wouldn't put it past me to lust after anything, so knees also. Good point. I can lust after a blank wall.

When I start shidduchim, I feel like I was exposed to a lot from watching inappropriate things and now I'm going to have expectations with girls physicality when I go out with them. 
I try telling myself that it will be fine but I honestly don't know how it will play out

yeh, I was really worried too!

The person i spoke with gave me an idea that I write down all the things i want, and sit down afterwards and see if they match.

Also, a month ago my mind was still warped and i couldnt see anything clearly... B"H now after being clean for a while (although I am not healed!!) I am somewhat back to normal, I finally see things regular (as they really are) and i feel confident that I will be ok in shiduchim be"H!

But specifically the physical aspect. Obviously in p***, the women are very attractive and made up..... I'm assuming most girls aren't like that and the being the case, I'm nervous that my mind is warped and I won't find any girls I go out with to be attractive. 

I worry about the same thing.

I have some thoughts but it's probably better that someone married tell us more about this. 

So married guys, can you give us some advice?

Will it be hard to be attracted to anyone?
Will we be very disappointed?

inastruggle wrote on 06 May 2016 20:14:

Yes - if we are looking for porn, you may be sorely disappointed in marriage, even if your wife is a Model

inastruggle wrote on 06 May 2016 20:14:

There is something that the single guys don't know about marriage!?
Damn!
And I was hoping they could help us on this.

cordnoy wrote:

What can you do we all make mistakes 

I am married so I guess that counts for something. The short answer for me is this:
When in an addictive mindset --- nobody can make me happy
when in a serene mindset -- there is nobody I want more than the woman who gave herself over to me under the chuppa. The one who really cares for me. The one whose life I made miserable with acting out and she stayed with me. The one who I know how to make happy - when I try.