I doubt it would fully address the problems. The way I use ODAAT would help lessen them though. Part of it is not focusing on the past as well as not focusing on the future.

I personally wasn't able to view my past in (what I believe to be) the proper perspective until I was close to a year clean. Now that I'm less than that again I feel my view is clouded once again. 

It takes motivation. The most helpful idea I have about that is to take a paper and pen and write it all out. Why I want to stop and why I don't. There are good reasons not to stop, they aren't enough, but they are legitimate and it's important not to fool ourselves about that. Paradoxically I think it makes it easier to stop since we're not hiding from them and we put them into reality.

I'm glad my post helped. Trying to help others is what keeps me clean. Not sure why, but that's the fact.

I'd have a hard time writing why yes and why no

Many guys say no
They are Twitting on Facebook etc...

The precious few that say yes
Ina, Shemira, Dizta v'Chedvah
Theory is dead with darwin
Life is alive with GYE

THATS MY EXPERIENCE!

markz wrote:

Markz curious why your not into writing things out.. Unless I miss understood you

If you're commited to recovery, reading the handbook (which I'm snail pacing thru) comes before writing reasons pros / cons to stopping, FOR ME 

Rushed. Feel rushed. I have been putting aside time for GYE despite how hard it is. I feel as if I just need time to think. Think about where I'm going with all this. Think about what happened yesterday and that subtle pressure I have been feeling. One yesod that smacked me in the face over and over, but is true: chill. I need to just take a breather and take it all in. I'm B'H doing ok (whenever I say that I mean automatically that I realize as much as I feel ok, still have this thing). I have no crazy stresses. I have it good and lot to be grateful for and feel somewhat clearheaded as of now. Just need to think a little and organize my thoughts. 
One thing I thought about is how I think I can split my acting out into two categories: acting out due to life issues and stresses, and acting out do to compulsion/stam triggers. I have worked hard on the first one. I have done a lot of introspection and working on myself and trying to figure out what it was that drew me to this garbage over and over again. I have- for the most part- have not acted out based on this first category for a long time. The past few time I actually fell I was pretty ok lifewise. The addiction itself. The chains pulling me in even when life is at least seemingly ok, is where it's been tricky. 

markz wrote:

maybe both can be done.. Doesn't seem to implausible. I have done other writing that has helped me out. I wrote about all the feelings I have when I want to act out. It taught me a little about this addiction and a lot about myself. Writing about and crystallizing why Im doing this recovery seems like a good idea. I don't see why would hurt.
i have read through the handbook. Helped me and clarified a lot. Have a number of technical questions on it and stuff just don't understand. Maybe I'll post those another time and My shalav meishiv (perhaps you R' Markz?) might be able to help me.

I have thought about something I said the last time I came back on. It's been said before but would like to say it myself. I came back on saying that I shouldn't be embarrassed to post about my struggles and falls. It's about being honest (at least for now on the forums) real, and getting up again if I fall. Just wanted to clarify that I am still embarrassed to fall and think can utilize the forums to be an incentive not to fall. Need a lot more than that but I think it does something. It's so much more enjoyable to post about how I didn't fall then posting how I did fall. So basically, before the fall I am embarrassed to post, but c'v if it would happen- I gotta suck it up and not be embarrassed to post about it  

With being exhausted the whole day for no apparent reason, having a heated discussion with my father, multiple decisions falling on me make all at once, and tons of work to do specifically today, I feel as if today is one of those days that Hashem proclaimed: you will wake up and have a hard day. One that can easily turn into a trigger. Good luck. 
What am doing about it? I'm trying to just focus on today. Today seems hard but it's just today's test. I feel dreary and tired. Not clear headed. I feel more vulnerable and able to ask Hashem to drive my truck today. I feel as if he is saying that all I have to do is press the pedal in the most calm and collected way I can, and he'll steer the way. One day at a time. 
I hope it works out. 
Thanks for listening. 

GYE should sell GPS bricks (see my signature below)

You put 2 bricks on the Gas Pedal, jump in the back seat (hope for the best) and G-d YE will get you safely to your destination

markz wrote:

That would be incredible. I guess I'm just at the pressing the gas stage. Haven't made it to the back seat. How is it back there? Comfortable?

Another hectic day of life. Emphasis on the life. I am appreciative that I am sane and living life. Real life. I haven't fell in over a month, but I thank Hashem for making today a sober day, because it could of easily have not been. I'm taking this one day at at a time. Thanks GYE and all you guys for this much needed support. Good shabbas.

Shmira

B'H had a pretty good day. Still living life and trying to grow and want to learn more about this thing. I want to succeed!
In other news, I would still like to relate part of what I have written in the past about what I feel when I want to act out. I (after much effort) learnt how to express what I feel like and go through to myself, and now I would like to express myself to you guys.. So here it goes: 

The majority of my urges to act out come with a certain feeling of obligation to do so. In some instances, the urge just convinces me that there is no way out of it; it's going to happen anyways, and more over, many times the urge enwraps me with its sensations of lust and passion as well. This feeling of obligation is usually accompanied with a mood or a mixture of moods, such as depression, loneliness, restlessness, confusion, etc., however, there are instances where this feeling of obligation stands alone. A pure and raw feeling of compulsion where there are no apparent reasons that I must act out other than the reason that I must act out. A compulsion demanding me to do its bidding; an impulse that convinces me that there is no other option, but with not much logic to offer for its case. However, there are varying degrees of this conviction. At times the certainty is moderated somewhat with other perspectives of responsibility and dignity or feelings of agony and dismay. In these instances I feel like two battalions inside of me, going head to head for a definitive victory, with one side attacking with its artillery of attraction and allurement while the other attempts to defend abstinence and integrity. I feel this unexplainable must to act out, and while I’m in the process of going about these demands, I attempt to persuade myself to hold back with words of discouragement and caution. But by other times the other perspectives are barely present. The compulsion is so powerful I feel like I don’t have feelings, that a chain is pulling a lifeless being to do its bidding. My mind listens to unknown controls that it knows it shouldn’t abide to, but nonetheless does. 
This surging feeling of obligation usually happens when a new opportunity comes about to see something inappropriate, and as if there is an equation imbedded into my brain: opportunity to see something inappropriate =acting out, and like clock-work the directive of caprice time and again takes over. However, there are times as well where no new situation comes about, but the urge pops up nonetheless, seemingly random and unpredictable.

Thanks for bearing with me and listening to something that might of been pushut. Wrote this a while ago but just want you guys to know a little more about me. I am I'H planning on continuing. 

Some days are easy and some days are hard. Guess today can be can considered hard. Started something today that makes things a little difficult on two accounts. 1 is that always had a hard time getting things done and  having to start this thing definitely will challenge my calm-level mind set trying to have. 2 it required me to go on mainstream newssites, which I haven't been on for perhaps a year as can be triggering for me, and lo and behold I got a little triggered and feel those pressuring feelings again. I really really don't want to go through anything c'v tonight. I prayed and turned to Hashem. I'm not an expert 12 stepper, but I tried. I told(and still telling) Hashem that I'm not going to get anxious about what will happen tonight. I am going to be calm and collected and give it over to You. I don't want this to be my fight and don't want to deal with this. Please Hashem, deal with these lusts and stop them befor they get a hold of me. 
Hooe this a workable mindset. Still learning.
 

Even after officially "accepting" that I may (or as Cords puts it-am) deal with this for rest of my life., still getting mixed fealings seeing how RealSimcha fell. How BenTorah.BaalHabayis fell after 6 months. Markz had a slip/fall after who knows how long. 
Sobering? Humbling? Dispiriting? 
Sorry for being a little morbid. Just saying what's been on my mind today. Hopefully tomorrow it won't be.  

shmirashachaim wrote on 08 Jun 2016 04:01:


It's inly morbid if you come at it from the wrong perspective. My therapist said the following, although it is a decidedly non 12 step perspective- is there anything that you've worked on that you've quit completely? No more Lashon Hara EVER? Always benching from a bentcher? ALWAYS davening with kavana?

Why do we think that this is a "never again and if I do it's somewhat of a failure"? Of course, if you think it is a disease that any single drink can kill you, then any fall feels like a little bit of death, and I'm not arguing now about whether it should or shouldn't be that way.

But if you're treating it as an urgent problem that you would like to grow in, then a slip or fall is just that- a lack of perfection that doesn't take away from tremendous growth.

In fact, can you explain to me what the major difference is between someone who slipped once over the past year and one who didn't at all?