I am 2 steps away.

2 steps away from what you might ask, 2 steps away from giving up. giving up from this fantasy, from making myself sick, with wanting to jump in a vat of goop just so the feelings stop after every fall. its just not worth it anymore:(

What has worked and not worked for you? Don't give up; you'll find a lot of support here. Have a great Shabbos!

We are with you.

B'hatzlachah

Strugglingtomakeit wrote:


You described me. one week ago.
what i want the most is just the feeling to stop. i just couldn't take it anymore...
i remember, a few weeks ago, I sat at the bus stop and all I wanted is to jump in front of a car...

There's hope. There's another way.
i'm now 7 days clean and already feeling better. imagine what would happen after 70 days ... or 700...

(BTW, my english is not very great. sorry for that...)

last few days I've been a bit depressed with everything going on in my life and this constant reminder of my failure just adds to the stress and depression. Im supposed to start a second job in a week or so, and im very worried about meshing my schedules and the way my boss will react, its killing me.

How are you in terms of where you were in the beginning of this thread? Still two steps away?

We've all felt down about a lack of success, really. It's normal. Sometimes our expectations for ourselves are simply too high. And a lot of times, those unreasonable standards stem from overreaching our vision of recovery. As soon as we start -- 1 day clean, 2 days clean -- our minds race to how we'll feel at 90 days clean, 180 days clean, a year. We don't appreciate what it means to progress slowly, and grow, step by step. Then we fall, and instead of landing on the floor from the top of a modest, two day clean streak, we plummet to the ground from where we were emotionally, 90 days clean, or even sober. So it feels a lot of worse. That's why there's such wisdom in that thing everyone here keeps saying: One day at a time!

TalmidChaim wrote:
Thats true, but there's one little thing that precedes ODAAT, and that is - day one

So, yeah...just worry about making that first clean day (90 times, and beyond)!