realsimcha wrote on 10 Mar 2016 13:33:

I too would prefer not to turn this thread, which for now is "my main thread," into a place for technical discussions that interest only a small number of techno-nerds (at best). 

(On the other hand, learning a new language can be fun and enriching!) 

As I wrote in the threads on "Regarding the web site" and "Site Technical Issues", I strongly believe that the GYE site needs an entire section devoted to discussions about the website -- with room for threads not just on technical issues, but on general issues as well.

Unfortunately, nobody seems to have even noticed those posts.  And so I've decided to "think out loud" on technical issues here for now.

And I think there should be an exclusive thread for developers, so we can have somewhere to chill together and friends to talk to in the same language, and beat lust with
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Current invitees
Gibbor120
Shteeble
Yesodi

Im not a geek- Am I allowed entry?

I have just been honored with becoming an official moderator on the staff of the NoFap.com website! 

"Welcome New Moderator: Yesodi!"

CONGRATULATIONS

So what's the policy when you encounter something like this?
 

markz wrote on 17 Mar 2016 20:45:

I don't think they've encountered anything like that yet! 

Approaching 270 days (= nine months!) of not only abstinence but also undesired celibacy.

Biologically, it's no longer as "easy" to keep adding yet another day to my clean-streak as it had been in the past. I find it very hard to focus on anything other than my growing urge to finally release this immense pressure.

On the other hand, despite the tantalizing and torturous burden, I feel that my continued path is very "simple," in the sense that I've recently "decided" that acting-out is simply NOT an option. Ever. Period.

May HaShem send me the strength to successfully continue moving forward one day / hour / minute at a time. (And this current week of Sfirat Ha'Omer is the week of the Sfira "Yesod." May we merit to leverage this fact for even more strength during this week!)

Indeed, may HaShem continue to give you the strength you need to maintain your state of Kedusha. 
I'm curious though, how do you understand this biologically? Why would it suddenly become more difficult after cruising along for a long time? 

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote on 30 May 2016 02:56:

Amen. Thank you.

As to the currently-renewed difficulty, it's actually not so "sudden."

For many months, I was indeed able to keep staying clean in a relatively-effortlessly manner, per the CHAZA"L statement: "אבר קטן יש לו לאדם, מרעיבו - שבע, משביעו - רעב" (or what is today called the "flatline" effect).

But, as others also report, this flatline effect is not endless, and sometimes the lustful urges try to rear their head again. Although I am doing my best to instantly banish these thoughts whenever they try entering my head, it's possible that they have cumulatively (but hopefully only temporarily) gained some partial "control." I think that this is normal and natural. (And on the contrary: for a married person to have to endure prolonged celibacy is something that is not normal and not natural!)

I guess one can also look at it as HaShem giving us opportunities for continued challenges. If things were as simple as achieving a one-time overcoming of an initial "clean" period, with guaranteed "smooth-sailing" forever after, the game of life would be overly simplistic and boring.

Wow. You are strong and you put me to shame. Here I am complaining about not having sex for a month...
May HaShem continue to give you the strength to stay clean long term. 

If you don't mind my asking (and if you do, feel free to ignore me), has anything changed in your life as far as your relationship with your wife and/or Parnasa? I think about you and I hope you're seeing some improvements. 
 

I find that when I'm clean for a long period of time after the flatline effect leaves it still isn't back to the same old thing. It's a much healthier version. Also, the habit patterns have changedso it's still way easier. 


KUTGW!

BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote on 31 May 2016 02:49:

Amen, and thank you. And while "Kin'at Sofrim" might play a positive role in this area, there is IMHO no room for feelings of "shame"!
BenTorah.BaalHabayis wrote on 31 May 2016 02:49:

In fact, I am very grateful to you for asking (and thinking about me).

The answer, however, is not so simple:

In general, my feelings of being stuck in a "deadlock" and not knowing how to proceed, and likewise the resulting feelings of helplessness / hopelessness / Yi'ush, have by-and-large only gotten worse. As the Parnasa situation is closely connected, this too has spiraled to new lows. Tachlis, I am simply not functioning. I always try to be the one that says 'B"H' no-matter-what, but -- if I am honest with myself -- my situation is not good.

As to my relationship with my wife, that too has overall been following the negative same trend as above ... until very recently. My wife's brother -- perhaps the only person on Earth with the "clout" needed to speak freely with my wife -- recently visited us very briefly from overseas, and for the first time ever, attempted with his special humor and charisma, an "intervention" on behalf of me (and at least one other sibling, who also suffers from my wife's behavior).

B"H, he somehow managed to touch a soft-spot in my wife's heart, and since then there has definitely been some positive change in the atmosphere that she is broadcasting towards me. It's not as if she suddenly "loves" me with a full heart, but it feels as if she suddenly believes that "just maybe" (as I've always claimed) I am not intentionally existing in the way that I am ... just to "anger her on purpose."

I still have not built up the courage to try and start a heart-to-heart conversation with her on this topic. I know that even if she is perhaps genuinely willing to temporarily shut down her need to exact revenge and project wrath, her certain inability to entertain the possibility of sharing a tiny fraction of the "blame," and my current inability to provide short-term solutions to my shortcomings, will make such a conversation very dangerous and easily-flammable. And I am afraid to enter such a challenge without a 3rd-party mediator overseeing and guiding the process -- an option which she has always vehemently rejected.

My brother-in-law has offered to try and continue exerting his special influence from overseas, so that perhaps my wife will agree to such outside help. And thus in that sense, I suddenly have a small glimmer of hope that maybe things can change.

Also, after identifying a frum psychiatrist that I believe I can fully trust, today I scheduled a first appointment (for two weeks from today), in order to have a professional listen to my story, offer his opinion on how to maybe proceed, and also decide if my emotional damage that has so clearly accumulated over these long years officially warrants the title/label of "crazy" or not.  

So, wish me "BeHatzlacha"!  I'll keep you posted, Bliy Neder.

Wow. That sounds tough. I wish you "BeHatzlacha" with all of my heart! I am glad to hear that there's at least a glimmer of hope.

Yesodi wrote on 30 May 2016 07:43:

B"H, the latest wave of urges seems to have subsided. As in: "כָּל מִשְׁבָּרֶיךָ וְגַלֶּיךָ עָלַי עָבָרוּ". ;-) 

That is one of the things that gives me strength to endure the difficult times: the knowledge that "גם זה יעבור‎‎" -- "this too shall pass."

Whether or not this saying can be correctly attributed to Shlomo HaMelech, I pray that it should hold for my larger scope of problems as well.

Shabat Shalom! 

Very happy to hear! 

Wow good to hear it's a great chizuk.