By the Arabs the bigger the burp the better the compliment 

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 27 Dec 2017 19:43:

It's an expression, meaning there is only so much you can help or train a person, the rest he got figure out on his own...
I got married over a decade ago so perhaps there is a new trend in Chussen Shiurim which I am missing. However it reminds me of a joke some batchen once repeated about this shlimazel which always messed up every bshoa (in house date) he went on. One day the Shadchan sat down with him and trained him every step of the way. Finally after a few trail runs, the Shadchan felt confident that this time he got it right. 
At the bshoa there was a large vase with open handles. The boy stuck his hand through the handles in order to give Shulem...
When the Shadchan asked him about it, he explained that he was never taught not to do that...
Somethings cannot be taught...

BTW, I totally recommend Gary Chapman's book, The Five Languages of Love. There is more than one way to express love.
Hatzlocha Rabba

I resign myself to the esteemed title of Mr Relapse.

I'm 'addicted' to tubing clean videos even in the thick of the winter - "deep snow youtubing"

There's certain types of clean action videos that i enjoy watching and I do 2x weekly, but not every week. I try not to, but it happens... I think lionking, eslaasos and others do too

But outa the corner of my eye I noticed a triggering image a few days ago. Last night I was like let's find another clean video with that image. No porn, just a borderline 'kosher' video. When I start fishing I sometimes land a killer whale which ate me alive.

It's likely that if I'd have posted at 12am that I'm on a Fall Roll it may have caught me in time

What happened yesterday I'm upset about but can forget about -I can't believe it was me acting out last night... it wasn't Markz - it must have been an im-poster.

Forgetfullness is sometimes a good thing...

If it was upto me, I'd separate sobriety counts for daytime lusting and for midnight online offenses, as I believe they need different solutions

One of the solutions was the midnight calendar which I rebooted now

Not sure this post is so thought out, yet I am posting today and now because otherwise I'm sure to repeat this mornings escapade in the next 10 minutes to 5 hrs

Thanks for reading, because if today I'm clean it's because of you my chaver

Hi Markz - I am not sure if you are looking for a solution to this relapse episodes. I've been in the past experiencing the exact same struggle and felt into the exact same traps. Namely, Starting off with a clean video, and slowly slowly sliding until hitting the point of no return. It almost feel like "Unintentional Sin" like if its happening beyond our control.

It's good to say that, and a good trick to stay out of depression which can only makes things worse...

But in reality they are practical solutions which can help tremendously.. They've helped me, and still are...
You see, the worse part about this "tubing clean videos" (as you call it) is that its a slow process that results in the same devastating outcome. And I always use to say to myself, not only I wasted semen (reproductive fluid) but I also wasted 2 hours of my life. Whereas other people go straight to the point and wrap up the same sin in 5 minutes!

Here's what I came up with:

- I came to the realization that time is the most precious commodity I have, and if you don't believe so, or you have a lot of free time, you should pack your schedule to have close to Zero free time, because this is my #1 enemy. Free time leads to Boredom, and Boredom leads to sin.

I then adopted numerous other rules such as:

- Not allowed to be on my phone while in bed, even watching "clean videos"
- No phone in the bathroom

I basically learnt how to not trust myself. And I feel so strong. I have more rules but lets take it easy

Markz. We are here for you chaver. Although I don't know how much that means to you as you know me as hakolhevel . 

P.s if you want my advice

Markz wrote on 08 Jan 2018 18:08:

Markz wrote on 10 Jan 2018 23:56:

I don’t have YouTube anymore because there’s no way I’d survive with it. Way too many “kosher” things I want to see that would send the lust flying. It’s boring as hell, but I don’t see another way. YouTube is amazing and endless- the stuff you can see there without being on a porn site is out of control.

Would you think about no YT?

I guess you don't know which lego vidoes I tend to watch 

Markz wrote on 10 Jan 2018 23:56:

Thanks for the mention. I can totally relate. Even tough I have moved on from videos for the most part. Never really was a youtuber, I still have certain clean activities which I do every few weeks, that lead to a fall slowly over time.
Markz wrote on 10 Jan 2018 23:56:

I second that. I need a no phone in the bathroom chart.

Hakolhevel wrote on 11 Jan 2018 01:13:

Markz wrote on 10 Jan 2018 23:56:

Markz 
Thank you for your honesty. I got a lot of chizuk from this post ( in a very selfish way ) especially from the fact that you can be "open" with us about a fall which is something I still have hard time recuperating from. You are from the wonderful people here that i regularly  learn from and get a constant chizuk from albeit not always what I want to here but what I NEED to here.

Thank you 

Mayan, you and Markz both need to be applauded for your honesty. It is an inspiration for everyone that you are transparent and courageous in sharing being human. Secondly, you both keep on trucking - a lesson to us all.

Thank you for the compliment