By asking him when a good time would be for you to discuss a sensitive topic which is something that is important to you.

Bhatzlachah

How do you start such a conversation?

abd297 wrote:


Jdi!

cordnoy wrote:


I think there's a lot of truth to this. Your Rebbe almost definitely has had this conversation with others at times, and wishes he could have the conversation with many more since he knows that it is an issue that is far more pervasive than the number of people coming to speak to him. Once you start ("J"ust "D"o "I"t) he will likely help you through the conversation so that you don't have to worry about scripting it.

That said, I agree with above that beginning by asking your Rebbe when he has a few minutes to discuss a sensitive subject is definitely a good way to go. When you sit down with him (or go for a walk or a car ride... not looking face to face is sometimes easier for a difficult conversation) you can simply say something like, "Rebbe, I've been looking at things I know I should not. I really want to stop, but I'm struggling to do so, and it really hurts me" or "I've been doing some thing things..."

Obviously we are all ashamed of our actions but as my Rebbe once mentioned to me, we are in a worse place if we aren't struggling with this. (Obviously there are different levels of struggling, but combine a healthy young male with the temptations of the world today, and the results are a battlefield, and most of us are not born knowing how to fight.)

Hatzlacha Rabba!

And as far as a hobby, maybe something like learning an instrument. It's an amazing skill to develop, something that is spiritually uplifting and gives you a tool that can bring job to many others.

abd297 wrote:
my wife caught me, and i discussed it in depth with her and our rav. I would not recomment that approach . Better to open up first before getting caught. It is such a common problem today that any rav/rebbi worth his salt will not be surprised, and will hopefully be able to help you.

The only hard part is starting the conversation. Once you get through that part, the rest should be (relatively) easy.

Hatzlacha Rabbah! Let us know how it goes.

Before I got married, I wanted to speak to my rebbe about my problem, but I also thought it would be soo awkward to start talking about it, so I wrote a letter and like others here have said I asked him when would be a good time to speak about something, and when the time came (I think I had to wait a little until he was available, - don't chicken out! ) I handed him the letter. He opened it and read it, and no, he was not surprised, even though I was known as a nice good boy. I'm sure he had had the same conversation with others. He told me some good pointers that would have worked better if I would have kept to them, but I moved away from that yeshiva after I got married and I didn't keep in touch with him.
Good luck.
SG

Thank you all for your advice. I hope to get the opportunity to speak to him. It will probably be next year because I'm home for the summer.

I told a friend and my Rebbi, those were the two best things I could've done!!

I'm not sure how you should start the conversation, but I'll bet that it will start with one word (if you can call it that)



As cordnoy so profoundly wrote, JDI!!!

it will start spilling out, don't worry about it!

KOT!! KOMT!!

Pidaini wrote:

So true. Seems to be the way to start off any serious conversation

I was away with my family for the extended weekend. It was good to get away but there were some strong challenges to be faced. I think I did pretty well but I definitely found myself slipping a lot. I had a wet dream for the first time in a while. I know you all said to ignore it but I find that it gives a strong boost to my desires and lusts. It kind of turns back the clock.

abd297 wrote:


I don't think you are alone in finding it makes things harder, but try to remember that it gets easier. Hatzlacha!

abd297 wrote:


I totally relate to this! I find wet dreams (that I remember what the dream was) to be an overwhelming trigger!!! I somehow wake up really aroused, as if I had been really slipping and gotten myself all excited and aroused. t am usually in a terrible mood afterwards as well...

But the truth is the truth, it really doesn't reflect on my progress. All it tells me is that I am still struggling, but I think I know that already.

Yes, it may be a more difficult trigger and one that I feel I don't "deserve" to have to deal with, but there I go again, having expectations of Life, of Hashem, of how He should run the world. I can surrender that, let go of the need to be in control of anything, even triggers, and accept this as Hashem's will for right now.

Calling a friend and letting out my frustration is obviously a really good idea at such a time.

One foot in front of the other!! ADAAT!!

KUTGW!!! KOMT!!!

I am frustrated. I'm having trouble getting through the days. I have no one to talk to, no one to share with. I have lost interest in daily activities. I can't stand being around people. I have become lazy and irritable. My learning has slacked off. I feel like I have no where to go, no path to take.

The GYE family is all I have, the forums the only connection.

I'm not sure what to do or where to turn. time seems to be flying by without me being able to get a grip on things. I have not fully let go of my past in many ways. I have so much to say but I can never really say it. I always feel that I'm missing something, and usually am. I fantasize about being in a great relationship with someone in which I would be able to fully express myself and be fully understood.

It will be only a short time until I go back to yeshiva and deal with those challenges. And a short time after that more important choices to be made. I want to get serious about figuring things out. I feel the need to DO something, whatever that means. There is no one at home to talk to, no one in or near yeshiva to talk to. It has been hard to really speak about MYSELF and how I feel to the rebbi who I'm close with.

I am only posting now to vent and speak my mind. I have some idea what the issues are but can never really piece everything together, it's just so vast and inconsistent.

Any comments, tips, questions, or whatever is greatly appreciated as it keeps me connected to a greater body of people who care and can relate. Thank you. KOP

abd297 wrote:


It does sound tough. Sorry to hear. We don't really know your issues and struggles. You can't try a family therapist? Or email someone.

Bhatzlachah

We are rooting for you