No clue

this may sound stupid but like you said "you know how women are"... yes we do, have you tried insulting them?? lol, maybe then they'll leave you alone, show them that you literately couldn't give a **** about them. is that risky that maybe they will say something? or they have just as much to lose, if not more?
drastic times call for drastic measures

You must realize that that makes this monster even more gruesome. It is entirely possible, even very possible that some woman(you know what they say about a woman scorned)could divulge something. That hitting the fan should be enough to scare the socks off you.
The marital/social repercussions, dealing with the in-laws etc etc.
Think about these things and do not sugar coat it.

make up your mind THATS IT! IT IS OVER!

Do you care about your children? Flings on the same block will not go unnoticed forever.

There will be G-d forbid a domino affect with multiple marital tragedies.

As well, we Jews are very proud of our society. At the same time to be branded as an unfaithful husband in our society is a stigma that is not easily reversed.

Take heed

Welcome. Your story almost made me cry for a few reasons. You are in such a difficult situation, and at the same time, if you don't do something, I'm scared for you what the consequences would look like.

I agree with the others who mention that from the sound of it, you definitely want to think about getting professional help. If you are on the fence I would say, look into the eyes of your beautiful, pure children and think about the role model you want to be for them. Keep in mind that fighting as hard as you can to beat this is fighting for them. I don't think you need to go to Rav Dessler and the idea of a spiritual inheritance (Rav Dessler says that anything you work on is easier for your kids... imagine if in today's day and age you can make this struggle a little easier for them when they get older). No simply imagining what they would go through if this continued and then blew up. It's tragic to think about. Reaching out to someone trained to help people in you position can be the first step (well second step since you came here...) to a future without the sneaking around and lying.

You are amongst friends here. We pray for you. We'll cheer for you. And on some level, we can relate to the struggles you are going through. It sounds like you have some tough decisions and challenges ahead, but know that you aren't alone.

Welcome 6545!!!

I don't have much to add to the posts above, just wanted to tell you that i really feel for you and wish you loads of hatzlacha.

Remember it is possible to get out of any mess so just give it a real shot.

Kol Tuv!!!

Oh wow that's a cool idea how come I didn't think about that myself and no I'm totally not worried they'll say anything. Thanks.

Can't agree more thanks for your support starting to feel that this is a real place I came with little hopes but decided to try it my hope is raising slowly but surely.

Welcome.
Hatzlocho on your journey.

Thank you I feel your words entering my head and heart I'm not ready to go to professional help as of now I wanna try it with little help from GYE without anything really major I'm a very strong person and I believe I can break it through with minor help which I consider safer than major help. Really appreciate you feeling me and being here for me.

What are you going to do to change?
Seeking help would be one way, but I am not sure how just posting on gye will be able to change your behaviors.
It is one thing to be addicted to porn but it is something else to be able to withstand a constant seduction by real women. I am not sure that many of us would be able to withstand such a temptation. Regardless though a solution has to be found quickly before too many people's lives are shattered.
I feel for you and hope that whatever you choose to do should be enough to help you get out of the mud.

Welcome aboard! From what you described-I would strongly suggest that you get professional help. Joining GYE is great, but unless you really confront what you did, "minor help" simply won't be enough.

6545 wrote:


Which idea you doin'?

I don't know what to say, but you definitely need more help. Have you reached out for help to anyone besides this forum? A rav, rebbe, therapist, 12 step group? This forum can give some chizzuk, but you need more than just chizzuk right now. You need serious help. I doubt that you can handle this on your own. Please go for help. Keep us posted. Your story could definitely give us chizzuk. This is not a time to be shy. Get help ASAP! Keep us posted. I wish you all the best in your very difficult situation.

6545,
Hi. You should listen to the practical advice of gibbor120. He's a long-standing member here with a lot of experience and wisdom under his belt.
I don't mean to exclude or minimise the wisdom and advice of others on this thread.

First of all sorry for the delayed reply had a busy day at work and going to have a busy night as well.
I'll tell you a little more so you people should understand why I feel that a minor help is going to help I'm a very strong minded person (though not a fighter I'll always nod my head to agree but do as I please) so when I decided it's over I told them and it was over I was sober for 2 weeks a few days ago my wife gave birth so I'm alone and my friends knew about it so they tried to get the opportunity to open again I did not fail with them again though when they were after me I couldn't control myself and masturbated then I decided to join GYE that's why I feel I'm very strong stronger then most people you ever met I believe I could get through this with a little help and people to share my success and hopefully not my failures.