Hi I'm officially very frum married with children, had some tough times before I got married but once I got married I was totally clean clean for 2 years until some incident and since then I went totally down meaning boel eishes ish and nidahs unfortunately to say from the nicest frumest families too and even cool women who have open minded husbands are still looking out there now I'm struggling and trying to get back to who I was for my first two years instead of the past 3 but as long as I'm not clean it's hard to fight cause even if I tell them I wanna be clean they say ok they understand me but the next day I get a call or a text I need you I miss you etc and one that lives on my block and knows my schedule is everyday in front of my house when I come home from work winking and smiling and then I fall back I explained it to those who chase me they understand but still won't let go.

im not gonna lie, this sounds intense. i don't know if i can personally help you, but im sure there are some people on this site who have some experience with this. have you tried getting in touch with Dov or some form of therapy? how have you tried to help youself out of this if at all?

I'm very new to this site I don't really raise my hope but decided it's definitely worth a try but haven't got in touch with anybody here I'm really new.

Welcome.

I feel with you for what you are going through. You are at the right place and keep it here.

Some suggestions: maybe first read the handbook. Would also suggest you contact GYE and/or dov to help you through.

Hatzlacha

Thank you. Appreciated

Welcome
It does sound intense.
What was your background before marriage?
Did this just spring up on you?
Does your wife have any clue as to what's going on?
Why do you wanna stop?

Your road to recovery should be blessed with bhatzlachah.

My background before marriage was nothing out of the ordinary a typical buchor with a sex drive and messed around with friends after marriage I was clean for two years not masturbated even once but I was tricked in once and I failed and then I lost it and no my wife has no clue that I struggle and I wanna stop cause I can't live with myself anymore

Email me.

a little bit unclear but i think i get some of the gist.

from your posts, it seems that there are multiple women friends available to you.

allow me to suggest that before you embark on any holy mission over here, you need to cease all those extracurricular friendships. once that becomes the norm, you can begin forgin' a new path towards recovery.

no need to heed my word; I am simply another lust addict with extracurricular activities myself.

b'hatzlachah

Thank you. You are so right yes I have a few friends but that's part of my problem they won't let go they would call, text, or email me one that lives nearby would make sure to pass my house when I arrive or leave and wink and smile at me.

I'd prefer pm here before sharing my email address

Welcome. You can do as most of us do, and create an email with a fake name just for GYE.
Hatzlocha

Poor guy I feel for you. Just like a person needs a proper filter on his devices to stand a chance one can't have past flings constantly knocking on the doorstep.
Perhaps changing your outward appearance to be a little more greasy yeshivish(if your wife can handle it) would make them realize how serious you really are and also make you look a little less cool.

It's not that they don't know they say ok but we all know how women are their feeling kick in and again she's here and will even email me I know bla bla bla but still I need you can't let go bla bla bla

Does your wife have any clue at all of your escapades?