hi it is such a good feeling knowing there are so many people out here that understand what i'm coming to say. the amount of times that I promised myself that from here on I was quiting even going ahead and getting rid of all unfiltered internet didn't help. I ended starting again even worse with calling hotlines from my phone with no guard against it, it was always my first fall wich led me right back to where I left off. even so every time I stopped I conviced myself that i'm not addicted and I just have a yetzer hara that I have to work on. but after a year and a half my feelings of guilt and betrayl to my wife and the confusion of living a life of contradictions learning full day while looking at porn bein hasdarim and bein hasmanim finally gave me the push to come on here. but I am still struggling with this reality am I am full time learning yungerman or a sex addict. I try to convince myself that I have only been doing it a year and a half and only once in while and it will go away itself, but while I do a half decent job convicing myself it doesn't solve my problem. but im to scared to admit I have a serious lifelong struggle ahead of me, and as weird as it sounds ireally still don't belive im addicted even though I just spelled out that I am is that weird or what. please respond to a confused person

welcome,

you might not be addicted.
sounds like the problem just started - relatively speakin'.
the desire for this is strong.

but addicted or not, what's the difference?
what will you be doin' to recover?

b'hatzlachah

Welcome Chaim b, thanks for taking the brave step of joinin and posting on this forum. You will have a great time, great friends and a community of yidden all with similar challenges and experience and wisdom to share.
I'll leave it to others to guide you along. I'm just saying hello

well the problem is that I'm hiding from my wife so I try to call the norning call because that's the only time shes not around that im free but im scared its not enough i'm going on a week streak and im petrified that I might act out again

read the gye handbook.
read links in peoples signatures.

Welcome.
chaim

Probably both. I know I am. (well part time anyway). Although the are inherently a contradiction, because of the strong nature of "lust" pull, no one is completely immune. I beleave if you are here and actively working on becoming clean then you are a yungerman who has an addiction.
cordnoy

cordnoy has a very good point (like usual). relatively speakin' the addiction has not been going on as long as other people, but as far as I know this (small) addiction NEVER goes away by it's self, until maybe when one is 75 years old. So small or not, if it's not tackled now and strangled, it will grow to a huge addiction and just be that much harder to fight later on.
Like cordnoy wrote (quoting him again) the handbook is very handy tool with a lot of information to help battle this. Good luck with the chart too (we're watching )

WELCOME! Your sentiments are common. I don't know if you are an addict or not (I'm not always sure if I am or not), but you can definitely get tools here to help you stay sober. Don't worry about "a serious lifelong struggle..." Worry about being sober today.

Life is a lifelong struggle. It's not over until we die.

Keep posting!

Welcome Chaim B! Addict or not, you've come to the right place. Reaching out for me was so hard, but was truly my first step on the road towards recovery (which im still on). Keep on posting and let us know how you're doing. It's hard work, but you can do it! I've got faith in you!

Welcome to GYE!

Easy does it and take it one day at a time!

Hatzlacha!!!

baruch hashem im still clean. its amazing how much the shvua I made has helped me remove all thoughts from my mind. until now my biggest struggle was that there was no red line , so I usally fell by starting with things that might not have been really bad but then as soon as I started, some times it was even just fantasizing it would be a short slippery slope and i'd almost always end up acting out. now I have drawn a very clear and strong red line with my shvua protecting myself form all my triggers and barurch hashem it has made my struggle so much easier. it hardly even enters my mind to start acting out cause I know it is no longer an option.
p.s. I still cant get over the fact that i can talk openly about my struggles and not only am I not looked down at but people respond encouragingly and understand me.

So glad you have joined.

You have good reason to be excited. There is real hope here. Real caring. True understanding and plenty of people to learn from and look up to. It never ceases to amaze me.
Your point of Am I a learner or P_____ watcher? Is lieder a very common problem.

I am sure you're inborn nature is to have a particularly strong netiyah towards lust.

In the course of time on this forum you will begin understand yourself much better. You will also learn about the various means you can take advantage of to help yourself
(depending on the degree of your compulsions)

This Shavous - Kabalas Hatorah has a whole new meaning

WELCOME! Hatzlacha!

chaim b. WELCOME!
We both have 10 days for the first time on GYE...
Your doing great!
Let's keep on it together.
Justmetoo

Hey Chaim,
You still can't believe it, or are you in fact not here?

Welcome brother.

I (as well as many) can relate to your pain of betrayal and confusion. I started GYE 2 weeks ago and have found everyone to be so caring and considerate of my situation (feel free to read mine here:

guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/255976-Embarrassed-Husband-here

As someone else said: read the GYE handbook, follow the steps and keep in touch with some of the GYE peeps (feel free to email me anytime at embarrassedhusband@gmail.com), share your successes with us, we want to feel happy and proud of your achievements. Start the 90 Day challenge and make the change day by day, moment by moment. But don't for one second think you're alone brother, because there are guys out in GYE who are going through what you are experiencing. You'll come through this. Stick with us as we walk on the journey with you (I say "walk" and not "run" because it is a slow and meticulous journey, one where you will tread carefully until you find your pace.

We are with you.
Good luck and God bless.
EH.