Hello I'm a bachur struggling with zera levatala and I was in a department store in latonight and I walked into the bathroom and was moitze zera. When I finished I walked outside and a police officer was standing outside the restroom and he told me 3 employees heard you masturbating and saw your reflection he then asked me for my I'd wrote down my address on a notepad and radioed a cop to do a background check who radioed back that I had no record he told me that had a child seen you it would have been a misdemeanor and he's is going to write this on the record it's was very humiliating I'm not sure if this is a lapses because I made a big chillul hashem I don't think any other Jews saw but all employees saw me he told me that if there's any other evidence comes to light we'll follow up he also told me I have to leave very scary humiliating experience he wrote down my name and address on a notepad do you think he will follow up? He has my home address bizyoinis and I'm very afraid it might be written down on a record Im in shidduchim  and I'm afraid I could be stopped by a cop who wil see this on record and I'm also afraid that it would show up on a background check do you have a way of findi out if it was written down ? And if it can be removed slach lanu  mechal lanu like it was never ever there? I'm really scared to death I can easily afford to pay a few thousand to have a lawyer remove it confidentially? Thank you please let me know asap

When i was in yeshivah there were only 2 places i could have privacy a. in my own head b. In the bathroom. I didnt like the fact that i couldn't have any privacy.
my room was shared and people constantly coming in and out and even my bed became other peoples couch to sit on and schmooze.

the bathroom was my space.
i could be by myself with noone else.
As an addict i craved my own space to do what i wanted to do . And so while i was in yeshivah the bathroom was my paradise.

As time went on and my addiction became stronger the bathroom became my self imposed prison of solitary confinement. Evety time i stepped foot into a bathroom especially aftet i got a smart phone i was completely overtaken by my addiction and would land up acting out.

But since i signed up for recovery joined gye and the phone conference the bathroom has become my shul. That is where i pray. I am powerless. every time i walk into a bathroom and lock the door behind me the great great desire kicks in to pull out my phone, zone out medicate my pain and shoot some p*rn into my system.

That is when i pray my pants are down im not wearing a tallis. But that is where i really pray.

Workingguy wrote on 06 Dec 2017 14:38:

Spare us the details, please.
This is a public forum, and I am not exactly in the mood now to hear how this user masturbated. Perhaps others might disagree, I personally would go to a porn site if I need to read about it.
Thanks